Choose Happiness.

” What are your goals in life?”

My only goal in life is to be happy.

“Yeah, I get that but what do you want to do, what do you want to accomplish?”

Happiness.

See, the most important thing to me besides my family is my happiness. I’ve been depressed, I’ve had suicide thoughts, and I’ve been hospitalized due to my depression. I know what it feels like to not shower for days, to sleep all day, and to call out of work because I do not have the energy to get out of bed. Depression is very real, I am currently in a better state of mind but every single day I have to put in the work so I don’t get myself back into a state of depression. After experiencing the darkest days of my life, the only thing that matters is being happy.

I don’t ever want to feel like death, again. Depression has to be the closest thing to death, it eats you from the inside, you try to get up in the morning and go on about your day, but you can’t, you can’t move, you’re stuck, I’m alive, I can see, I can hear, I can eat, but, im stuck in my own mind and body with no way out. The people around you keep telling you to “get it together, it’s not that deep.”, oh how I wish I could tell my brain that.

It is that deep! Stop telling people with depression it’s not that serious because it is! Planning a way to take my own life is pretty serious if you ask me.

I am alive and better. God is the only reason why I am still here. I had to make some changes in my life but God lead me to them. I asked God for guidance and asked God to show me who’s meant to be in my life and who’s not meant to be in my life. He showed me over and over again, I ignored it at times, he kept showing me. Every time he showed me why I had to get rid of some people I tried to fight the facts, the great caring lovable Cristal tried to ignore everything that God was showing her. I always think I have things under control, haha, God always has the final say.

“God has a big plan for you, but you aren’t ready for it, yet.”

When someone told me that, I already knew that was God speaking. I continued to pray for strength, for God to guide me, to place genuine loving people in my life, for strength to do what I NEED to do for me.

Happiness is hard to achieve when you do everything for everyone else. I felt guilty for letting certain people go. I felt guilty for putting my needs first, wow.

If you want to be happy you have to start somewhere. Take control of your life. Get rid of any negativity. Stay away from the people who drain you. You are who you surround yourself with. Chase your dreams and passions. Believe in yourself. Stop expecting others to have the same heart as you. Change sucks, I know.Take care of your mind and body.

Most of the time we don’t change and deal with the same circumstances because we FEAR the unknown. We don’t know whats on the other side so we’d rather play it safe.

Life is all about growth.

Focus on your happiness.

Life is so much better when you are happy.

You are the only person that can make you happy.