Lust over God.

We all have a struggle. One of my biggest struggles happens to be lust. Lust of man. As a woman in Christ , this topic is basically non existent in the church. We always talk about men lusting over women, but, we never talk about the women that really struggle with lusting after men. We don’t touch pornography. We don’t touch the topic of sex when it comes to women. We automatically assume it’s a man problem.

Reality check, it’s a human problem.

Women are also struggling with staying pure. We live in a world where you cannot escape lust. It is EVERYWHERE. How do we overcome? How do I not lust after every single man that I find attractive when it’s all I know? How do I seek God more than I seek sex with a man that I can’t keep my eyes off?

As a woman, you don’t have to try to get laid, it’s easy to get sex. The problem is knowing your worth in Christ and trusting God whole heartedly to bring a man to you on his timing. That’s the hard part. Patience isn’t the easiest. Trusting God gets harder. It’s even harder when the men you come in contact with aren’t the purest. You start to doubt what God can do. How can I stay pure when no one is staying pure, not even the church folks. Lord, help me! I want to believe your word but my flesh is weak.

God , I want to believe your promises. I want to trust you. My flesh wants to give in. My flesh tells me “it’s just sex , it’s not that deep.” But I know how much I’ve suffered by having a non disciplined sex life. I know how much I’ve suffered by giving my body away for the wrong reasons. I know the consequences of putting my faith and trust in men, I know.

I know you haven’t left me . I can’t feel you right now. You’re not talking back. But, I know you’re here. You have to be. You never leave me. I know I have to trust you. It gets harder. Grace covers me. I’m not worried about that. My only fear is turning away from you and not coming back .

Lord, keep me. ūüôŹ

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The Wait Pt2. – How to Wait.

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In the Christian community we assume that no one is having sex unless they are married. The only reason we wait until we are married is because the Word of God says so. okay, that’s understandable. But, why? One of the reasons I stayed away from the church for so long was because nobody was going to tell me what to do with my body. In all reality, this is how a lot of people think. People don’t want to live by rules. We want to do whatever we want because we can.

There is so much beauty in waiting. It’s way deeper than not having sex. The whole point is for you to stay pure in all your ways. The point is to be so complete in the Lord that you don’t need sex to satisfy your selfish fleshly desires. What’s the point of practicing celibacy when you have a heart full of lust? It defeats the purpose. At that point, you aren’t experiencing the beauty of waiting for the one God has for you, it becomes torture. That’s not the way God wants you to live. Christ came so we can be free.

When you choose to wait until marriage you have to know why you are doing it. It’s going to take you having a real conversation with yourself and getting down to that why. If you don’t have a¬†“WHY?”¬†you are not going to succeed. You will give in to your flesh every single time. When God called me to wait until marriage I knew why.¬†God is a God of order. He doesn’t want us out here living recklessly. A reckless life leads to pain.

My view on sex like many others was distorted. Sex for me was a way to gain control of situations. I used my body to get what I want. I used my body to manipulate situations. I had a heart full of lust because I didn’t know any better. My mindset was, “this is what you do when you are an adult, you have sex.” Just think about how many painful situations could have been avoided if you didn’t have sex? Months go by and all you’ve done is talk , chill , have sex. By the time you see the “REAL” person you are already emotionally, physically , and spiritually tied to that person. This is why it’s important to wait. It’s not because God wants to torture us, it’s because he wants to protect our heart. God knows how powerful sex is! He created it.

Waiting is not only to protect your heart, but, to get your body under submission. If you cannot control your sexual desires when you are single you will not control them in a relationship/marriage. It’s about being in control of yourself. Having enough discipline to turn down sex. Yes, you can do whatever you want, BUT! just because you can do it does not mean it’s beneficial to you (1 Corinthians 10:23).

Having a sex drive is not bad. God created sex. Having an uncontrolled sex drive is bad. If you want to wait until marriage, start practicing now. Stop dating and focus on God. It’s going to take some sacrifice. It’s not going to be perfect and you might mess up, grace. You will have to take some time to just focus on you and your relationship with God. Ask God to reveal to you everything that’s in your heart that isn’t bringing glory to him. Trust me , if you ask, God will definitely show you.

As for me, I seeked validation in men . I thrived off attention. I was raped at 17, followed by a lifestyle of binge drinking. I never dealt with my rape. I felt abandoned, rejected and unloved. I made a lot of bad decisions because of it and all the experiences after. But, God is going to get all the glory out of my story.

I used to lead with my body… now I lead with the Word of God.

How did I stop having sex? I cut off all the men I was talking to. I deleted numbers. If I had sex with you, I deleted you off of my Facebook, instagram and snapchat. YES, IT TAKES EXTREME MEASURES! Living for Christ is EXTREME.¬†It’s not easy, but, it is so worth it. I have so much peace now. I have better judgement when it comes to men. I love myself more. It’s empowering to not have sex because I choose not to. I don’t tolerate bad behavior or disrespect. As women, we have power. ¬†I didn’t realize how much power I had until I tapped into God’s word. ¬†I’m a force to be reckoned with and so are you!

I don’t care what you’ve done or if you have a man in your bed right now, God still loves you. Choosing to wait is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. God is good. Obedience unlocks blessings. I just want to be a vessel that God uses in this world to bring people back to life.

I know what it’s like to live a life in complete darkness. That’s not living! I promise you there’s light on the other side. Let God in.

Perfect love casts out fear.

 

 

 

The WAIT.

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I never in a million years thought that I would be living the celibate life. I lost my virginity at 14. I graduated high school and a life full of alcohol and lust followed me for over 10 years. I started clubbing at a young age. I had no sense of direction at 18 so instead of going away to college like most people did, I stayed home jumping in and out of relationships , clubbing, and, drinking. It was only supposed to last for a year or two. I figured that was enough time for me to figure things out.

Instead, I got caught up in the lifestyle.

I got caught up dealing with bad boys. I loved the attention. Every day I woke up seeking more. The next drink. The next club. The next guy I could get close to. Before I knew it my life was consumed with lust. Every new man was a high for me. New experiences, new conversations, new everything. One thing about lust is that you can never get enough. You always want more and it always grows. I ended up dealing with married men. I messed around with men in relationships just because I could. I caught myself in situations I had no business getting into, but, because most times I was intoxicated I didn’t care anyway. I felt empowered by being able to do whatever I wanted to do. I had the mentality that if men can do it, women can do it too. My mindset was flawed. That lifestyle caused me a lot of pain. At times, I wanted to stop, I just didn’t know how. I was too far gone to even think about stopping.

I gave parts of me to every man I slept with. I was disrespected many times and was never valued by men. I didn’t have standards. Shame and guilt consumed me. I asked myself why? Why am I doing this? what do I get from living like this? I craved love. The easiest way to feel loved without actually being loved is through sex. I got to the point where I was completely broken and lost. Many sex partners later, a couple of car accidents, failed relationships, and a whole lot of pain I finally decided to stop. I knew God was calling me to a life of sobriety and celibacy.

I have never felt more peace in my life. Empowerment doesn’t come from doing whatever you want because you can. Empowerment comes from choosing not to do the things that you know you can freely do. I have never felt more empowered in my life. I thought having sex with whoever I wanted was me being a woman who knew exactly what she wanted. In all reality I never knew what I wanted. I thought I needed sex. It wasn’t a big deal. ¬†It was a big deal.

SEX IS A BIG DEAL.

I haven’t had sex in almost 2 years. I was the girl who NEEDED to have sex. I couldn’t go with out it. Celibacy is a lifestyle choice that I don’t regret making. I get to focus on the things that truly matter. When your mind is consumed with lust you will never reach your best self. Do I want to have sex? of course. But, I’ve lived on both sides of the spectrum, I know how powerful sex is. I know this world says it’s just sex, but, it’s not just sex. I’m looking forward to the day¬†I have sex again with a man who I love and plan on spending the rest of my life with.

If you are thinking about waiting, go for it. It’s a great decision that will help you in many ways.

Lust expires. It never satisfies.

Free up your mind. Get rid of those soul ties. Make your mental health a priority. You are important. You are more than your body. You deserve to have a man who loves you and respects you for you, not just your body. Love yourself, set your standards and never apologize for choosing celibacy.

Never apologize for putting yourself first. You don’t need sex, I promise.

    -Love,

a girl who was once consumed by what this world says you need.

Now, I’m consumed by the love of God, and that within¬†itself is¬†everything¬†I need.¬†

 

 

 

sex and why I stopped having it.

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When I tell people I’m not having sex by choice they look at me like I’m crazy. I was once that girl who thought it was impossible to not have sex. Why would anyone want to do that? That’s torture. That was my exact mindset before I made a choice to abstain from sex. I know what it’s like to never go without sex. I know what it’s like to “NEED” sex. I wouldn’t even get in a relationship with a man unless I had sex with him first. Talk about dysfunctional behavior, I was all the way in it. I lost my virginity at 14, my sex life didn’t get out of control until the age of 17.

Sex in itself is not bad at all. But, if I’m being honest, a lot of us have/had unhealthy sex lives. Sex wasn’t meant for every single person you meet or date. Sex isn’t sacred anymore because it holds no value. People have sex with no strings attached because that’s what’s in. Everyone is hurting and using sex to cope, bringing babies into this world with people they can’t even communicate with. Is that everyone’s case? not at all. The only point I’m trying to make is that sex is not a need. You can live without sex, you can’t live without food.

My mission for everything that I do is to get people to see the bigger picture. To allow people to think for themselves and to really think about the decisions that will affect their future lives. Having sex to feel wanted and loved is a recipe for disaster. Sex is the easiest way to feed a thirsty heart, also, the most damaging. You can’t really get to know someone when you’re too busy having sex all the time. When I was dating most of my relationships were based around a lot of sex. I was also a hurting young woman. I used sex to fill those voids in my heart. That type of behavior caused me a lot of pain.

My main reason for abstaining from sex was to heal. My judgement was way too clouded. I was living a dysfunctional lifestyle which caused me to date dysfunctional men as well. Having sex with a man who doesn’t even respect you is the most degrading thing you can do to yourself as a woman. You may not say it but it hurts you. No woman deserves to be treated like a piece of meat. Why can he have sex with you and not respect you? we have to stop making excuses for a man’s behavior. ¬†A man not truly appreciating ¬†and respecting a woman because of his past is not your problem.

You deserve to be loved and treated with respect, especially by the man who you are sleeping with. Ladies , if you don’t do anything else at least have standards. If he doesn’t want to respect you , close your legs. If I’m being honest , a lot of us are desperate to have a man because we fear being alone, and in all reality it’s hard as heck to love yourself. Not impossible, though. I love God and I want to bring glory to him. I chose to abstain until marriage because my view on sex was way too distorted. I do believe sex is a beautiful thing between husband and wife. You are connected with your spouse in a way that no one else is, that is beautiful.

I’m currently not dating or having sex and guess what? ¬†I’M LIVING PERFECTLY OKAY and I’M NOT DEPRESSED! I was actually more depressed when I was sexually active. You cannot tell me who you sleep with has nothing to do with your mental health , because It does. Ladies, I love you. Take care of yourself . You are the daughter of a KING and you are worthy of God’s best for you.

 

Soul Ties.

I was a very promiscuous woman. Our culture says it’s okay. Do what you want, you’re grown. But, is that really true? We have believed that random sex has no consequences. Random sex is not random sex. We transfer DNA with every single person we sleep with. Not only are we bringing kids into this world based off only sexual relationships, but we are creating soul ties and toxic environments in the process.

I never knew how toxic I was until I stopped having sex. I couldn’t go without it at one point. I was staying in contact with men that I knew I had no business doing things with. What really messed my head up was the fact that I was acting like some of these men. If you notice, women that are promiscuous, deal with promiscuous men. We feed off of each other. We have alike broken-ness, we somehow believe that we relate to each other in so many ways, making us perfect for one another , but, in reality, we are building a codependent relationship that’s bound to bring destruction.

Do you ever wonder why people stay in toxic, abusive, and disrespectful relationships? Soul ties. Over the years, I’ve built a lot of soul ties. I kept dealing with the same type of man. I kept having sex with the same men that kept disrespecting me over and over again. I knew it wasn’t right, but, I couldn’t stay away. I craved them. Do you ever think about how we date the same person, but, ¬†in a different body? ¬†Your soul is a mess. We have to stop saying, “men ain’t sh*t”, when our souls are the ones attracting these type of men. I have no problem telling people to check themselves. We have all types of dysfunctional relationships and sex partners, then get mad when we are ready to settle down and not a great man/woman is in sight. You need a soul detox! Damaged souls attract one another. At some point, we have to take accountability.

Getting free from soul ties is going to take a lot of work on your end. You will have to stop having sex and focus on God. We need to spend some time renewing our minds and cleansing our souls. You don’t need sex! Yes, I said that. Trust me, I used to be the girl who NEEDED sex. We can’t live without food, but we can live without sex. Is sex amazing? absolutely! But, at what cost? Are we going to keep sleeping with the devil and get mad when our life is in shambles? Are we going to keep staying in toxic relationships because the sex is too good? Are we not going to take accountability for our spiritual life? Are we going to put the blame on everything but our own choices? Are we going to keep acting like the person we are sleeping with has nothing to do with our mental health?

We are spiritual beings. The easiest way to get attached to an unclean spirit is by having sex. I haven’t had sex in 15 months, and, my mind has never been clearer. I’m not even attracted to the same type of man anymore, AND, the type of men that approached me before, don’t approach me anymore. This is why I believe in soul ties. When you clean up your soul and get rid of all the toxic in your life, you attract what you are. If you have an unclean ,dirty ,perverted spirit, that is what you will attract. I thank God for setting me free. I don’t even feel like the same woman anymore, I can’t even believe I did some of the things that I used to do. I just want you all to know, that in Christ, everything is NEW.

Bad soul ties drain you. Sleeping with the wrong person can make you depressed, anxious, and/or suicidal. Sleeping with the wrong person can keep you in bondage. If a lot of us stopped having sex and took time to get closer to the Lord, we wouldn’t be in a lot of the situations we are in. God has restored me and brought me from death to life. At one point, I was suicidal. At one point, I couldn’t live without a man. This is all God. I want women to know, nothing brings your soul back to life, except dedicating your life to the one and only savior, Jesus Christ.

 

 

Temptation.

I ¬†know he’s no good for me , but, I want him anyway. He’s fine , funny , and carries himself in such a way that makes me want him even more. Why do I want someone that’s no good for me? what Is it about playing with fire, that makes things so much more exciting?

Lust can be so addicting. Lust gives you a high that won’t ever be satisfied. If you aren’t careful, lust can destroy your life. Lust is the reason why a lot of people cheat, and, the reason why a lot of people¬†never truly heal.¬†No one practices discipline. No one practices self-control. No one practices celibacy. We date whoever we want and have sex with whoever we want because we can. We like to call ourselves grown, but, if I’m being honest; we can be very childish. We get older , but our mindset stays the same.¬†Why do we chase the things that aren’t good for us? The more I walk with Christ, the more I realize how deceitful my heart really is.

Sometimes, I don’t want to obey God. Sometimes, I want to have sex with that handsome man I just went on a date with. The problem is, I know he’s not the one for me. Why do I know this and still want his attention and company? Simple. I enjoy being around a¬†man. See, when no one validates you your whole life, when your father doesn’t meet those needs that a woman needs from a father, it’s easy to get it from a man. You seek what you need from whoever you can get it from and¬†deal with the consequences later.

The hardest thing as a woman of God, is fighting with my old self. The old me wouldn’t think twice about having sex with someone. The old me did whatever she wanted to do because she was “grown”. The new me knows better, The new me knows how quick it is to get caught up in a cycle of dysfunction. All it takes is one mistake to go back to the old me. I have to stop playing with fire before I get burnt.