Fear of greatness !

Why do we fear being great?

We don’t really say we don’t want to be great, but, our actions say otherwise. Or maybe the words we speak to ourselves say so. Or maybe even the thoughts no one else knows of say so.

Have you ever caught yourself saying ,

Who am I kidding?

I can’t do that .

Who do I think I am?

That can’t happen for me.

Let me stop dreaming and get back to reality.

Can it be that you really do fear being great? How can we fear being great you might say, easy. We stop ourselves before we even begin.



WE KNOW! the problem is that most of us procrastinate and make excuses. We make excuses because it’s hard to rewire your brain. You have to make an effort to retrain your mind. For 30 years you thought one way , so now that you want to change you’re faced with A LOT of resistance . Why? Your brain is used to doing things one way.

We don’t think to walk, drive , eat, make excuses , gossip, pick up our phones, type , text, talk, go to work, we just do it.

We don’t think about habits we already put in place to protect us from pain. If I don’t want to have a confrontation, I ignore the person. If I don’t want to feel, I get a drink or go have sex . These are habits we pick up along the way. This is everything we have to unlearn.

We all want to be great. We all want to produce fruit. But do we really want to pay the cost?

That’s the question.

If we truly get real with ourselves , we will find out that most of us are scared of being great. Being great requires a different you! The you now and the GREAT you is not the same person, THAT IS WHAT WE FEAR.

We fear changing . We fear a different language . We fear a different thought process. We fear a workout regimen . We fear getting up early . We fear greatness because we’ve never done it !

I want to encourage you tonight, to do it scared!

You have everything that it takes because Jesus Christ lives on the inside of you! Greater is he that is in you than he that’s in the world!!

Do it until the fear goes away, because IT WILL.


I like writing about peace because it’s something that a lot of us struggle to receive. Life is unpredictable and if it’s not one thing it’s another. How can we possibly have peace if it’s ” ALWAYS SOMETHING!??”, easy . Our ways are not his ways and our thoughts aren’t his thoughts.

On this faith journey I’m coming to the realization that you can have peace even if life isn’t the way you want it to be. I have goals and dreams. I also want a husband , children and a home full of peace , love and grace. There’s a lot of things that I want that I just don’t have yet . I’m working towards certain goals, but, some things I have no control over,like the fact that I have no idea when I will meet my husband. All I’m doing is walking in obedience and focusing on the things I have to do for the Lord, right now.

You know what I noticed ? That when I’m soooo focused on what I don’t have , I’m sad. I find myself feeling unworthy and unlovable. I start thinking that good things happen to everyone else except me. I start comparing myself to other people around my age. I start telling myself that it will never happen for me. I will never be successful . Maybe I’m just thinking too big and I need to be realistic .

But then! I open up the word of God. The devil is a liar and he will have you thinking that your life is over when it’s not. As long as you have breath in your lungs, GOD IS NOT DONE WITH YOU.

I’m learning to cast down thoughts and it’s something that I practice daily. I speak Gods word over my life because it’s the only thing that works. That’s why I’m so passionate about Jesus. He is not dead, HE IS ALIVE. He gives life to our dry bones. He gives us the words to speak life over ourselves . He gives us strength when we are weak and he gives us hope when things seem hopeless.

Living in America is a gift and a curse. We live in a very good country. We are spoiled. We all aim for the American Dream like happiness comes with it. Reality check? It doesn’t. Happiness comes in love. In being content with your portion. In being alive. In smelling the roses. Looking at how green the grass is and enjoying nature. There is so much beauty around us and we miss it. We miss it because we are focused on what we don’t have and what we ” should ” have.

we all will die one day and we won’t get another chance at life. Choose joy. I know you may be in a storm but you can’t get yourself out of the storm. Reach for Jesus like the woman with the issue of blood did. ReAch for the hem of his garment. In your desperation cry out to Jesus. He will answer. He will fill you. This world will not satisfy. Jesus is the well that will never run dry.

I watched a video of Kanye West this morning and he said at a church over the weekend,

“nothing is better than God and a sound mind.”

That resonated with my soul. Because quiet frankly, NOTHING IS BETTER THAN GOD AND A SOUND MIND.

I’ve lived without God and I’ve lived with mental turmoil. I’m living proof of God’s power that is inside of every single one of us. Peace is our portion. Jesus came to give us life. Jesus is the answer. Don’t look nowhere else, look to Jesus. 🙏🙌❤️

Paralyzed by fear.

Fear doesn’t exist . It’s a mental barrier that can keep us from being everything God called us to be if we don’t confront it .

Fear is one of those things that can keep you in the same spot for 20 years. Nothing happened . The only thing that happened was the failed scenarios you constantly played in your head.

What if it doesn’t work?

What if we get divorced?

What if I never get married?

What if the business fails?

What if nobody buys my product?

What if nobody reads my blog?

What if nobody comes to my show?

What if nobody reads my emails?

What if nobody watches my live videos?

What if I’m just dreaming too big?

Let me be realistic , this can’t happen for me .

God isn’t really speaking to me.

Isn’t this what we tell ourselves? Every day we wake up with the same exact ideas , the same big dream! Yet, we do nothing. We let the enemy whisper in our ears about how inadequate we are. We continue to replay the words our parents , friends or exes spoke over our lives like their the ones that knit us together in our mother’s womb. We tell ourselves we can’t, when the creator of the universe said, before I formed you I knew you.


I’m the one that puts the breath in your lungs.

You will live and not die.

Pick up your mat and walk.

I know you’re scared, walk anyway.

God, purge me.

You can’t grow in pride .

Pride makes you feel like you know it all.

If you know it all, you don’t need God.

God literally works everything out for our good.

Even in pride he reveals to us that we in fact, Don’t know it all.

In our dry place he reveals to us that he is indeed the only one that can fill us until we overflow.

In our dark moments Gods power is revealed.

We can get so sidetracked . Being holier than thou. Forgetting what it’s all about. Forgetting how you first felt when you came to Christ . The joy, the freedom, the peace, the love , the overflow of grace. Soon after that comes a process.

A process of healing. A process of growing. A process of stepping out on faith. A process of going through pride , loneliness, fear , and shame.

God’s power works best in weakness . It is when we our weak that he reveals to us who he really is. In our weakness he covers us. In our weakness he graces us. In our weakness he forgives us . In our weakness he heals us.

We must be real with ourselves. We will never know it all. Lord , help us to stay humble. Reveal your nature to us. Fill us with your love , peace, mercy and forgiveness. Let your will be done in our lives. Replace our desires with yours. Change us. Have your way. You’re worthy. We give you glory.

The process is where we learn . The process is where we grow. The process is where we our tested. The process is where God sees if he can trust us or not. Even the process can be used for his glory. The highs and the lows. Nothing is ever wasted .

Romans 8:28

Feb. 22. 2014




Who knew that this exact day, 5 years ago, God was starting to work in my heart. I remember crying my eyes out. I was living with 4 other people in a house. We were all in our mid 20s. We all loved to drink. All I remember is that I felt empty. I was tired of doing the same exact thing every day. I was tired of  being broke. I was dead inside.

I was sober for 10 months. I made it that long and I convinced myself that I just needed a break from alcohol. I met my ex and he was an alcoholic as well. I didn’t look at it like we had a drinking problem. We just enjoyed drinking. Nothing wrong with that, right? wrong. 

We all know how if you aren’t careful and self-aware, you can end up drinking your life away. I thought I had it all figured out. He was a “good” man, I thought. I’m reaching 30, this is definitely it.

wrong again. 

The first 4 months were great. Downhill after that. We were on and off. He kept dumping me and I kept taking him back. It was an emotional rollercoaster. One day we were good, the next day we weren’t. I kept praying for God to change him. God I know you want me to be happy, so I know you will change him. Deep within I knew I had to leave. I didn’t. I kept praying for him. Why wouldn’t God change him? he can do anything. Back then I didn’t know God the way I know him now. But of course, God used that situation to lead me back to him.

I was a mess. Hurt. betrayed. full of pain. I felt so unworthy. I was always drunk. I felt so much shame for letting a man get in the way of my sobriety. I gained 50 lbs in 6 months.  Me and my best friend fell out. Everyone was hurting me . Everyone made me feel like I was the one that was over reacting. It was the weirdest thing I have ever experienced. I would cry out to God and ask him why this is happening to me. Why are the people I love hurting me God? Why does no one want me? What is wrong with me?

Nothing is wrong with you. I want to use you but I need you to get rid of all your baggage. It’s going to hurt. But, I need you to trust me. I need you to trust my plan for your life. I know what Is best for you. Come to me , I will heal you.

November 25, 2016… I said Yes to God completely and no to alcohol. 819 days sober. redeemed. Healed. Set free. He is still writing my story.

who the son sets free is free indeed. John 8:36

trust him.

Don’t give up.

As I sit here at my desk, on my laptop, listening to worship music, I can’t help but think….

My life has truly changed.

I never thought that I would have so much peace.

After getting sober in 2016 , my cousin passed away last year. I got hurt by “church” folks. I was depressed for the second half of the year. As much as I tried to get peace and joy , it was far from me.

I didn’t know what was going on. I was praying . I was going to church. I wanted to be happy. Where are you God? What’s going on? Why am I getting hurt by people, again?

I never stopped seeking God.

He restored me. I had to sit still. I had to stop trying so hard and just seek him in my vulnerability. I had to take a step back , see what God wanted me to do and not what Cristal wanted to do.

Often times, when things are going well , we seek God less. It’s almost like we think we don’t need God because life is good. I started this year seeking God and letting go of people that were not beneficial to my growth. Was it hard? Yes. But, my relationship with Christ is #1.

I know I have purpose. I know I have work to do for the kingdom. I know I can’t be distracted. I know that the friends that God has for me will push me towards greatness, not hold me back.

Sometimes you just have to sit still and think about how far God has brought you. I’m a different woman than I was in 2016. I just broke down in tears because I have PEACE. If God never gives me anything else, I will be okay with his PEACE. In this world, nothing matters to me more than my peace.

I’ve suffered. Alcoholism. Rape. Rejection. Abandonment. Heart break after break . Betrayals. Looking for a way out of darkness in everything but GOD. Looking for peace in a bottle and never found it. I looked for peace in a man and never found it. Filled up my life with friends and hangouts , still no peace. Peace can’t be found in anything but the creator of the universe. The creator of our souls. The one who breathed life into our nostrils. That’s where the peace is.

Everything starts to make sense. You now have purpose. You know you aren’t a mistake. Romans 8:28 makes so much sense now .

If you are going through a dark time, please don’t lose hope. Speak life and not death. Even if you don’t see a way out, speak the opposite. If you keep saying things won’t get better , they won’t. What you are going through right now is only temporary…

I promise. 💜🙏