August 1 2019.

New day . New month. New goals. New challenges. Clean slate.

In 5 months it will be 2020!

When did this even happen? Why does it feel like time is FLYING!

Maybe it’s just me but I’m grateful.

Grateful for the lessons that I have learned in the last 20 years .

20 years ago I was 12 .😂 who knew that 4 years later my life would change drastically. And 2 years after that my life turned into a huge party for 5 more years .

Everything was a blur. In and out of drunkenness. In and out of clubs. In and out of relationships.

What a blessing it is to live through what I’ve lived through and still stand here sober today with a whole new outlook on life.

What a blessing it is to know that God is not done with me.

What a blessing it is that what the devil meant for evil , God is using it for his good.

What a blessing it is that little ol’ me gets to inspire the world through my humanity.

What a blessing it is to know that if God is for me who can be against me?

What a blessing it is to be alive with hope.

What a blessing it is to be an overcomer.

What a blessing it is to know the Lords peace.

What a blessing it is to know that when I am weak he is strong.

What a blessing is life .

In our darkest most loneliest moments , life doesn’t seem like a blessing, it can seem like a curse.

We start asking why? Why me? Why this family? Why this job? Why this spouse? Why these kids? Why this church? Why this?

But my question to you is , what is God doing in your mess?

In our pain it’s really REALLY hard to see God. I’m not even going to tell you to toughen up and pray about it because I’m sure you’ve been doing that.

What I do want you to do is not doubt what you are in. Don’t doubt God. Ask God to start revealing himself in your situation. What does he want to do in you through this situation?

I know it’s tough and I know you want it to be easy , BUT , everything that shines is made from PRESSURE. If pressure is being applied , YOU ARE CREATED TO FLY. Wait . Trust . Have faith. obey. It won’t always be like this.

I believe in you .

God loves you.

You will Live and not die.

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Peace.

When are you at peace?

Is it when you’re laid up on your couch doing nothing?

Is it when you shut off your phone and escape from the world?

Is it when you spend time with the Lord?

Is it at the gym?

Is it when you eat?

Is it when you smoke a blunt?

Is it when you have sex?

Where is your peace?

Do you have peace?

Peace that surpasses all understanding that is.

Did life get so hard that you don’t even think peace is attainable?

Do you really think that we were created to live stressed, depressed and anxious?

No.

Christ came to give us life and have it abundantly.

Not too long ago , I was having suicide thoughts. It was weird because I overcame this already. It was random. I woke up in the morning with such heaviness. I felt alone. I felt left out. I felt like the call God gave me for my life was a lie. It was too much.

Who’s going to listen to me?

I don’t have any degrees.

I’m not perfect.

I don’t speak like the rest.

I don’t look like them.

I’m too bold .

I’m too loud.

Church people don’t say what I say.

I’m a 32 year old single woman.

I think I made a mistake.

Not one person cares about the words that I write or the words that come out of my mouth.

As I laid in bed , these thoughts consumed me.

I cried out “LORD” . Where are you?

You aren’t alone. CAST THEM DOWN!

Cast the thoughts down . Immediately I went into warfare. When you resist the devil he HAS TO FLEE!

Everything shifted.

The enemy will tell you that you will be depressed forever.

The enemy will tell you that it will never get better.

The enemy will tell you that you will always be single.

The enemy will tell you that you’re a bad mom.

The enemy will tell you that you married the wrong one.

The enemy will tell you to give up because no one cares about you anyway.

He is a LIAR.

He comes to steal , kill and destroy!

You have the power to cast down anything that exalts itself over the knowledge of God!

As I look at this world, people are going crazy.

People are more anxious than ever.

Depression is the new norm.

The devil is a LIAR!!!!

We serve the king of Peace !! Grab your Bible , open it up to John , 1 JOHN & 2 JOHN. Get to know Jesus !!! Forget about the church building. Forget about what your pastor told you 4 weeks ago. Forget about what your favorite online preacher told you …

SEEK GOD FOR YOURSELF! LEARN ABOUT THE LORD FOR YOURSELF!

Having the word in your heart is what’s going to sustain you.

I’ve overcome my darkest days , moments and years because of THE BLOOD Of JESUS. Of course the devil wants me to shut up . The same exact thing God will use for his glory is the same exact area the devil wants to take from me.

My voice will be heard.

I will preach the Gospel.

I will grab women out the trenches.

I’m in a battlefield and I will not lose .

Women are dying because they have lost hope.

Not anymore .

Not on my watch.

You will live and not die!

RISE . It’s not over . 🙏

God, WHERE ARE YOU.

In the midst of change, where are you?

In the midst of my insecurities , where are you?

In the midst of my purpose, where are you?

In the midst of my unforgiveness, where are you?

In the midst of my anger, where are you?

In the midst of my pain, where are you?

In the midst of all of this , where are you?

I don’t have the strength to seek you.

I have enough strength to say , ” help me God” .

I hear nothing.

I get frustrated and I start yelling.

Lord you said you will never leave me nor forsake me so why do I feel like you have left me?

What are you trying to show me that I can’t see?

Is my perspective off?

Am I missing something?

Am I distracted?

Where did my zeal go?

Where did you go?

How can I seek you constantly in a world full of hate?

How do you expect me to seek you when I’m surrounded by darkness?

How do you expect me to say Yes when everyone around me is saying NO?

It’s like I’m trapped between doing good and doing evil.

You say vengeance is the Lords , but my pain is telling me otherwise . I’m not you , God.

I can’t turn the other cheek.

I can’t look the other way.

I can’t forgive.

My pain is TOO LOUD.

Paul said it best . I know what I ought to do but I don’t do it..

You called me to pick up my cross.

I picked it up.

I put it down.

I pick it back up.

I think about putting it back down.

It’s too heavy.

The weight is too heavy.

You tell me to place my burden on you , but I’m not patient . I can’t trust . I’m running low on faith. Help.

I know what I ought to do, but I don’t do it .

Give me the strength to do what I know I should do. 🙏

Only God.

For some reason, it doesn’t matter how many times we experience God’s perfect peace and love , we go back to believing that something in this world can satisfy.

We somehow believe that if we get more money, get the perfect spouse, have the perfect job, the perfect body, the perfect house , and everything else we assume that will make life better , then life will be amazing.

But, can I just place a suggestion on your table.

What if we started being thankful?

What if we just praised God for what he has already done ?

Even if he does nothing else in our lives, can we praise him for the breath in our lungs? Can we praise him for being able to walk outside and smell fresh air? Can we praise him for the animals that make us smile ? Can we praise him even though our homes may be a little dysfunctional?

What if we choose to love like Christ? What if we pick up our cross and love our family members that get on our last nerve? What if we really take this love walk serious? What if we really accept that this life of ours is not about us?

Is it possible to just be grateful for what we do have? Even though it’s not everything we thought we wanted in life?

It’s really all about perspective.

Do you really think Jesus wanted to take up his cross? Do you really think Jesus didn’t want to walk away at times? Jesus died for the same people that crucified him.

Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do.

Can we really be like Jesus? Can we forgive the ones that hurt us only because their hearts are full of darkness. Can we be mature enough to not take it personal and be the bigger person?

As much as we want to control those around us .

As much as we want them to act a certain way

As much as we want them to appreciate us.

We have no control. We can’t control other peoples actions .

BUT. We can control ours.

I challenge you today to be the bigger person.

I challenge you to be the light in the world.

I challenge you to love the ones that are hardest to love.

Love changes. Love transforms .

Love brings forth repentance.

Love brings forth forgiveness. Not hate.

Love a little more today. People are hurting. It’s only in Jesus that we can be like him. We can’t love, forgive and give grace without our Heavenly Father. Only in him can we be the light of the world.

Only in Jesus . ❤️🙏

Pray.

Sometimes , our current season may seem like it’s not all that. We start to think more about what we don’t have instead of being thankful for what we do have.⁣

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I remember when I used to pray for this day. I prayed for God to take everything out my life that wasn’t edifying to me . ⁣⁣

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I prayed for God to take the taste of alcohol out of my mouth. ⁣⁣

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I prayed for God to break the soul tie . ⁣⁣

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I prayed for God to deliver me from evil. ⁣⁣

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I prayed for God to heal me and to help me forgive those that hurt me . ⁣⁣

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Most importantly, I prayed for PEACE. I would cry out and just ask God for peace . The pain I physically felt in my body was gut wrenching . The days I couldn’t get out of bed were the days I hoped to die in my sleep. ⁣

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How can heartbreak hurt so bad? ⁣⁣

How can people that I love hurt me this bad?⁣⁣

How can rejection hurt so bad? ⁣⁣

How can life hurt this bad? ⁣⁣

How can life be so bad that I can’t stop thinking about suicide?⁣⁣

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God , if you’re real.. this is the time for you to prove yourself . Prove to me that you’re real because I don’t know how many more days I can take of this. ⁣⁣

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I prayed things like that for months! And God came through . ⁣

Your tears are not meaningless. ⁣

Your prayers will be answered. ⁣

Keep going. Persevere. It’s coming . The pain will not last forever ! Declare it over yourself ❤️⁣⁣

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Don’t be discouraged ! ⁣⁣I am a miracle!

YOU ARE A MIRACLE !!

You may not see it yet but GOD IS DOING A NEW THING !!!!

Paralyzed by fear.

Fear doesn’t exist . It’s a mental barrier that can keep us from being everything God called us to be if we don’t confront it .

Fear is one of those things that can keep you in the same spot for 20 years. Nothing happened . The only thing that happened was the failed scenarios you constantly played in your head.

What if it doesn’t work?

What if we get divorced?

What if I never get married?

What if the business fails?

What if nobody buys my product?

What if nobody reads my blog?

What if nobody comes to my show?

What if nobody reads my emails?

What if nobody watches my live videos?

What if I’m just dreaming too big?

Let me be realistic , this can’t happen for me .

God isn’t really speaking to me.

Isn’t this what we tell ourselves? Every day we wake up with the same exact ideas , the same big dream! Yet, we do nothing. We let the enemy whisper in our ears about how inadequate we are. We continue to replay the words our parents , friends or exes spoke over our lives like their the ones that knit us together in our mother’s womb. We tell ourselves we can’t, when the creator of the universe said, before I formed you I knew you.

YES YOU CAN.

I’m the one that puts the breath in your lungs.

You will live and not die.

Pick up your mat and walk.

I know you’re scared, walk anyway.