Who knew.

Who knew that loving yourself would be so hard.

Who knew that loving yourself would come with tears , frustrations and pain.

Who knew that loving yourself wasn’t something you automatically came into the world with.

Who knew that life has a way of punching you in your chest and taking the breath out of you.

Who knew that after you shed a puddle of tears you would have to get up , wipe your eyes and keep fighting.

Who knew life would have so many challenges.

Who knew that it would be this hard.

Who knew that relationships between parents and children wouldn’t be loving , caring , and genuine.

Who knew that addiction would kill some people too early.

Who knew that love isn’t that easy to attain.

Who knew that you would one day have to love yourself back to life.

Who knew that life would get us so low that we have no choice but to depend on God to get us through.

Who knew that after all the tears and pain, you still had purpose.

Who knew all things would work out .

Who knew that regardless of how it may seem , it always gets better.

No one knows. We are all figuring it out. Be patient . Love God. Love you. Grow in the process.

Life is a rollercoaster . A rollercoaster with highs and lows . A rollercoaster that teaches you life lessons. A rollercoaster that never stops. You just keep learning . You keep growinG. You keep forgiving. You keep loving . You just never give up.

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Forgive yourself.

We often talk about forgiving the ones that hurt us.

But, what about forgiving ourselves?

Forgiving ourselves for not making the best decisions.

Forgiving ourselves for getting into a bad relationship.

Forgiving ourselves for not losing the weight we said we were going to lose.

Forgiving ourselves for not finishing school.

Forgiving ourselves for making mistakes .

Forgiving ourselves for failing.

Forgiving ourselves for being HUMAN.

We all make mistakes . We all go through it.

Check out my latest YouTube video about forgiving yourself .

FORGIVE YOURSELF VIDEO!

Let this be the last year you beat yourself up for not being perfect. Let this be the last year you throw pity parties. Let 2019 be the year you rise up into the person God called you to be.

God bless and happy new year 🎆 🎊

Happy Monday!

Monday’s are often dreaded. Why?

Most likely because we aren’t living the lives that we are meant to live.

Everything in life has a purpose.

Your job is temporary.

You can always change it if you don’t like it .

You can always start a business.

You can change your life whenever you want.

I made a decision to stop letting “Monday” ruin my mood.

I’m alive and healthy.

I have my legs and arms.

I have a job that’s not stressful.

I have a family.

I have peace.

I have no drama in my life . ( Thank you Jesus!)

What does success look like to you?

Write it down and make a plan to get there.

Life is really what we make it.

Yes, it gets tough at times but that’s where we are made.

How can we appreciate how good life is if we never experience Hell first?

Peace is so much better when you know how easy it is for it to be taken from you.

Joy feels so much better when you know you weren’t always this joyful.

I appreciate my happiness a lot more because I know what it’s like to be depressed.

Life is a journey. The sooner we realize that, the sooner we can stop stressing over things that aren’t important.

It’s not a race. Slow down. Catch your breath. It’s all going to work out.

Enjoy your day . Crush MONDAY!

Breathe.

I’m blessed.

I have my sanity.

I have my health.

I have a job.

I have a car.

I have PEACE.

I have no drama in my life.

I have healthy friendships.

I have vision.

I have goals.

I have purpose.

I have family.

I have God.

I have myself.

I have everything that I need right now.

We tend to focus on everything that we don’t have. We all have different goals. We want the business. We want the career. We want to lose the Weight. We want everything to be perfect . We want the career, house, marriage and children along with a life of peace. That shouldn’t be hard right? Oh, but it is . They make it look so easy when we are kids, don’t they?

So many things come into play when we talk about what success looks like to us.

What does success look like to you?

when I look at my life , I know I’m not where I want to be. But, I know that I’m at peace. I get super frustrated at times because I don’t want to fail. I don’t want to go backwards. I want to succeed . I want to win so bad that I want to do everything all at once , which then leads to me feeling overwhelmed.

I have to BREATHE. I have to take things one step at a time. Plan. Execute.

Comparison steals your joy. Social media makes me feel like I have to speed up and catch up. Social media makes me feel like I have to do everything NOW. The reality of it all is that you can’t do everything RIGHT NOW. You can do one thing now. Once you conquer that, then you can conquer something else.

I want to succeed. I also want to have peace. I only want God’s will for my life. Not my own selfish desires. Your desires can be selfish if you’re doing them to prove yourself to other people. What did God specifically create YOU for?

Breathe. You’re exactly where you need to be. We get so focused on getting to the end that we don’t appreciate the middle. Appreciate the sadness, the frustration, the meltdowns, the ugly cries. This is where we are made.

After all, ALL THINGS WORK OUT FOR OUR GOOD.

Wilderness.

Does anyone even care?

Does anyone really love me?

Does it ever get better ?

Why do I take 2 steps forward just to take 3 steps back?

I thought I was moving.

I’m not seeing any progress.

I’m not seeing anything around me change.

Does it ever get better?

One day I’m up. The next day I’m trying to catch my breath.

They tell me to focus on the positive . I do .

I can only speak life over myself until things start to get out of hand.

I know it will all be worked out for my good. I know.

As a tear drops, I just want to win.

I want to succeed. I know it’s going to be hard .

I know I will have to fight.

I know I can’t give up.

I know I have to keep going.

Does it ever get easy?

Yeah, maybe when I actually win.

Life will always have ups and downs. I used to go to the bottle when things got tough. Things never got better though.

A part of me just wants one glass of alcohol. Just one.

A part of me knows I can’t have just one.

You don’t miss anything sober. You can’t get away from anything. You have to deal with it ALL.

Tough times don’t last forever . 💜

Big change.

The first thing my mom did when she divorced my dad was buy a condo. We have been at this location since 2003! 15 whole years! I’ve left twice and came back home twice. This is bitter-sweet!

Next month , I’ll be celebrating 2 years of sobriety. This weekend we are moving into a new place. A house! I never thought that I would still be living with my mom at 31, BUT… I’m grateful.

I’m grateful because as much as I disobeyed my mom and disrespected her in more ways than one , she never denied me a place to stay when she had all the right to tell me, no.

I’m excited to leave this apartment, but, I’m also emotional. I have so many memories here. Me and my brother shared a room here. My nephew lived here. My best cousin lived with us for a few. We shared some good family moments here. In all reality , this has been home since my teenage years. When everything else was a mess, this was the one thing that never changed.

This is also the home I’ve spent so many drunk nights in. This is the home that my drinking escalated in. This is the home where I curled up like a baby and cried myself to sleep because my ex dumped me. This is the home that I was depressed in. This is the home that I had all my meltdowns in. This is the home that I came home to after leaving the psych ward. This is the home attached to all my emotional baggage.

I never realized how attached I was to this apartment until I started to pack. It’s been so hard for me to completely let go of my past. I’ve healed in so many areas , but , completely letting go has been a challenge. I truly believe that closing this chapter will be the beginning of a new one. Moving out of here will be closing a door to all of my past experiences. Moving out is confirmation that it’s time to let go of it all. To begin something new. To trust God. To have faith. To do the things God has called me to do. To let go.

This apartment was also the one that I cried out to God in. This is the home that God heard my prayers in. This is the home that I’ve encountered God in. This is the home that my life also changed in. This is the home that I got sober in. This is the home that I forgave my mom in. Oh , this is bitter-sweet.

God , I thank you on this lovely night. I thank you for your grace. I thank you for setting me free. I thank you for what you’ve done and for what you still have to do. Lord, I thank you for peace. I thank you for the pruning you have done in these last 2 years. You never fail me and you won’t start now. The seasons change, but, you never do.

God, you are so good to me. In these last 2 years you have protected me in ways that still leave me speechless. It doesn’t matter how angry I am or how uncomfortable I am about a change , you still make it happen. You still come through . Even when it’s hard on me, you never leave me. Father, I thank you. I give you all the glory tonight. And only you know why everything happens the way it does. Your ways are not our ways.

I don’t believe in coincidence. Change is happening now for a reason. It’s time for a new beginning. It’s time to step out on faith. It’s time.