The first thing my mom did when she divorced my dad was buy a condo. We have been at this location since 2003! 15 whole years! I’ve left twice and came back home twice. This is bitter-sweet!
Next month , I’ll be celebrating 2 years of sobriety. This weekend we are moving into a new place. A house! I never thought that I would still be living with my mom at 31, BUT… I’m grateful.
I’m grateful because as much as I disobeyed my mom and disrespected her in more ways than one , she never denied me a place to stay when she had all the right to tell me, no.
I’m excited to leave this apartment, but, I’m also emotional. I have so many memories here. Me and my brother shared a room here. My nephew lived here. My best cousin lived with us for a few. We shared some good family moments here. In all reality , this has been home since my teenage years. When everything else was a mess, this was the one thing that never changed.
This is also the home I’ve spent so many drunk nights in. This is the home that my drinking escalated in. This is the home where I curled up like a baby and cried myself to sleep because my ex dumped me. This is the home that I was depressed in. This is the home that I had all my meltdowns in. This is the home that I came home to after leaving the psych ward. This is the home attached to all my emotional baggage.
I never realized how attached I was to this apartment until I started to pack. It’s been so hard for me to completely let go of my past. I’ve healed in so many areas , but , completely letting go has been a challenge. I truly believe that closing this chapter will be the beginning of a new one. Moving out of here will be closing a door to all of my past experiences. Moving out is confirmation that it’s time to let go of it all. To begin something new. To trust God. To have faith. To do the things God has called me to do. To let go.
This apartment was also the one that I cried out to God in. This is the home that God heard my prayers in. This is the home that I’ve encountered God in. This is the home that my life also changed in. This is the home that I got sober in. This is the home that I forgave my mom in. Oh , this is bitter-sweet.
God , I thank you on this lovely night. I thank you for your grace. I thank you for setting me free. I thank you for what you’ve done and for what you still have to do. Lord, I thank you for peace. I thank you for the pruning you have done in these last 2 years. You never fail me and you won’t start now. The seasons change, but, you never do.
God, you are so good to me. In these last 2 years you have protected me in ways that still leave me speechless. It doesn’t matter how angry I am or how uncomfortable I am about a change , you still make it happen. You still come through . Even when it’s hard on me, you never leave me. Father, I thank you. I give you all the glory tonight. And only you know why everything happens the way it does. Your ways are not our ways.
I don’t believe in coincidence. Change is happening now for a reason. It’s time for a new beginning. It’s time to step out on faith. It’s time.