Who knew that this exact day, 5 years ago, God was starting to work in my heart. I remember crying my eyes out. I was living with 4 other people in a house. We were all in our mid 20s. We all loved to drink. All I remember is that I felt empty. I was tired of doing the same exact thing every day. I was tired of being broke. I was dead inside.
I was sober for 10 months. I made it that long and I convinced myself that I just needed a break from alcohol. I met my ex and he was an alcoholic as well. I didn’t look at it like we had a drinking problem. We just enjoyed drinking. Nothing wrong with that, right? wrong.
We all know how if you aren’t careful and self-aware, you can end up drinking your life away. I thought I had it all figured out. He was a “good” man, I thought. I’m reaching 30, this is definitely it.
The first 4 months were great. Downhill after that. We were on and off. He kept dumping me and I kept taking him back. It was an emotional rollercoaster. One day we were good, the next day we weren’t. I kept praying for God to change him. God I know you want me to be happy, so I know you will change him. Deep within I knew I had to leave. I didn’t. I kept praying for him. Why wouldn’t God change him? he can do anything. Back then I didn’t know God the way I know him now. But of course, God used that situation to lead me back to him.
I was a mess. Hurt. betrayed. full of pain. I felt so unworthy. I was always drunk. I felt so much shame for letting a man get in the way of my sobriety. I gained 50 lbs in 6 months. Me and my best friend fell out. Everyone was hurting me . Everyone made me feel like I was the one that was over reacting. It was the weirdest thing I have ever experienced. I would cry out to God and ask him why this is happening to me. Why are the people I love hurting me God? Why does no one want me? What is wrong with me?
Nothing is wrong with you. I want to use you but I need you to get rid of all your baggage. It’s going to hurt. But, I need you to trust me. I need you to trust my plan for your life. I know what Is best for you. Come to me , I will heal you.
November 25, 2016… I said Yes to God completely and no to alcohol. 819 days sober. redeemed. Healed. Set free. He is still writing my story.
who the son sets free is free indeed. John 8:36