Addicted to food.

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How many of us can honestly say that we are addicted to food? *raises hand* How many diets have you started in the last year? How many times have you gotten mad at yourself for failing, again?

When I think about the Struggles I face with food, it can be a bit overwhelming. The one thing that I know is that I will never give up. As I continue to heal within, I notice that my journey with food gets a bit easier. I’ve learned to give myself grace and not beat myself up for eating the wrong foods. Creating a healthy relationship with myself is important to me. I always say that obesity is a physical sign of an internal issue. We turn to food because it comforts us. The only way I will overcome this is by dealing with the reasons I turn to food in the first place.

I’ve made so much progress. I honestly believe that the next step is truly believing that I’m worth a healthy body. Believing that I’m worth a healthy life . I’m worthy of loving myself and not apologizing for it. I’m worthy of walking into everything God has called me to BOLDLY.

Food is a topic that’s not often talked about. We go to doctors just for them to tell us what we already know, but, because we don’t listen we most likely get put on medication. I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. I know I need to be disciplined in this area. I also have to break this unhealthy relationship I have with food. I have to look at food as a way to nourish my body and not as something I go to , to fill a void. How can food have a hold on us like this? Why aren’t we talking about it more? Everyone is always talking about the latest diet. How can we possibly expect a people with so many heart issues to conquer their battle with food?

Food is not the issue. The way we feel about ourselves and the way we live our lives is the problem. Just like any other addiction, we must talk about the things that lead us to binge in the first place. We were never created to eat as much as we do. We weren’t created to live sedentary lifestyles. We weren’t created to sit in front of a tv for hours at a time.  It is no surprise to me why so many of us struggle with obesity.

I’m honestly so tired of being overweight. I’m tired of not loving myself enough to not change the way I live my life. I’m tired of dieting. It’s time for a change. Overcoming alcohol addiction was tough and it took a lot of hard work. I’m quickly noticing that food addiction is an even tougher battle. Sometimes I ask myself when will all this stop? when will I be free from the powers of addiction? In order to have a different outcome you have to do something different.

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

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Addiction is a mindset.

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It’s Friday night and I am sober! I don’t think I will ever stop getting excited about that. I used to get off work at 4pm, hit the liquor store , come home and pour my first drink. As soon as the Bacardi and coke touched my lips, every problem I ever had just faded away.  Alcohol made everything better. Alcohol was my lifeline. It was my safe place. I didn’t think I could live without it. I wasn’t the girl who would wake up every morning and take shots. Can I be honest? a lot of alcoholics don’t wake up to shots. Let’s break that stigma.

The biggest issue I faced was the one thing that almost kept me from getting sober. A lot of people didn’t think I had a problem because I wasn’t getting black out drunk every day.  My support system was almost non-existent. People thought that because I wasn’t physically addicted to alcohol I didn’t have a problem. It drove me crazy. I tried to explain the mental side of addiction to people and it was like talking to a wall. The media portrays alcoholism in the worse way possible, so if you aren’t “INTERVENTION” bad, then you don’t have a reason to stop drinking.

I hate that misconception.

The mental battle I was fighting was one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through. I knew that alcohol was getting in the way of me being great but I was SCARED. Fear paralyzed me for a while. How can I possibly not drink when this was the one thing that helped me get through life? When I was alone, mad, sad, bored, happy, excited , angry , lonely, etc : alcohol was always there. When no one else was around, alcohol was. Knowing that something you don’t need is destroying your life is a pretty harsh reality to accept. No one looks forward to the day when their life Is in shambles because of alcohol. No one ever wants to lose control.

You know what you need to do for you. If you know getting sober will benefit your life, do it. Don’t let other people make that decision for you. Only you know how you REALLY feel. I hate the word alcoholic because you don’t have to lose everything to be an alcoholic. Why do we have to wait to lose everything to put the bottle down? Do it before you lose everything. Do it before you become physically dependent. Do it when you know deep down within you that your life will be better without it.  Trust me, I know what it’s like to get sober and feel alone. I wanted to give up so many times because I felt misunderstood. The one thing that still keeps me going is that I know my life is getting better because of it . I don’t care what anyone else has to say about it. I don’t care if people don’t think I have a problem, I know I had a problem. Pay attention to your drinking habit and how you feel within. Do you get anxious when you aren’t drinking? Do you get moody when alcohol is not available? Do you constantly think about that first drink after work?

Be easy on yourself and make the best decisions for YOU. Make decisions that will benefit you in the long run. It may feel super uncomfortable when you start, but, at least you are one decision closer to being free. Don’t let this world put you in a box. Being sober is a great thing. Don’t label yourself an alcoholic, what’s the point? I don’t want to feel defeated. If anything, I want to feel empowered that I can drink but I CHOOSE not to. That within itself is everything.

BE EMPOWERED, NOT DEFEATED.

CHANGE YOUR MINDSET

CHANGE YOUR LIFE

 

Labels.

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I can go as far back as my teenage years and recall all the labels placed on me up until now. While I was praying in my car on my way home from work God revealed some things to me. I’ve been stuck because I took ownership of the labels placed on me. I made excuses for my behavior because I’m a recovering alcoholic and this is what we do. We are always told that we will always have the mindset of an addict. I don’t know about you but If I want to ditch alcohol, I want to ditch the mindset that comes with binge drinking as well. What happens when you don’t ditch the mindset ? you get addicted to other things.

I’ve been called an alcoholic. I’ve been called bipolar. I’ve been called “too emotional”, whatever that means. I’ve been called fat. I’ve been told I will never amount to anything. I’ve been told I would never get married/have a successful marriage. I’ve been told I wouldn’t be a good mom. I’ve basically been told my whole life by everybody else what I am and what I am not. It’s time to drop the labels and rename yourself! It’s time to drop the labels and understand that you can change the way you view yourself. You don’t have to live by the labels placed on you by this world. How would you live your life if people spoke life over you instead of death?

What if someone would have told me that I am amazing and that I will do great things in life?. See, we have to get back to who we were before people labeled us. Who did you want to be in Middle school? how confident were you? What were your goals and dreams? Who were you before life happened to you?

I don’t know about you, but, I’m done with labels. I know who God created me to be and I will no longer let labels keep me paralyzed. In your conscious mind you might want to do better but your subconscious doesn’t let you. It’s a daily process. You have to continue to train your mind. Who cares if you have a bad day or a lazy day, you are human. Be kind to yourself and know that you will overcome.

God loves you and you were created on purpose. Don’t let this world steal your joy.

Drop the labels and go conquer the world! 

 

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Addictive Personality.

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If it’s not one thing it’s another. I gave up booze just to rely on food. Am I really sober? The reality of addiction is that it’s easy to give up one addiction for another. I can celebrate my sobriety, Don’t get it twisted, it’s still a celebration. But, I’d be lying if I said life is perfect. Life is a struggle. Right now, I’m struggling. Taking alcohol out of the equation helped me in many ways, but, it also made me come to the realization of many more like, I have a food problem.

Nothing you do should make you feel guilty. God put us on this earth to enjoy food, not depend on it. One of my biggest reasons for facing this issue is that I always wanted to face it but if I’m being honest, it’s embarrassing. I was never embarrassed about my alcohol problem, but, for some reason I am about my food problem. Why can’t I put the food down and get healthy? I know I need to do it. Of course I want to look good but at this point I’m concerned about my health. If you lose weight just to look good you will most likely gain it back. I’ve been up and down in weight since I graduated from high school, A healthy lifestyle was never part of my life. I’m tired of it.

Common sense would say, if you don’t like something, change it. As I was getting prayed over today at church it hit me, I have to deal with the root issue. You will always have an addictive mindset if you don’t deal with the root issue. Does that mean when I get to the root issue I will drink again? absolutely not. All it means is that I will be making progress. As long as we are walking this earth we will never have a life without problems. The key is figuring out a plan to stay above water. Having a plan helps of course, but, we all know how easy it is to stray away from the very plans we set for our lives.

I’ve been relying on my own strength for way too long. For some reason I think I can do this whole life thing without Jesus. This brings me back to Galatians 3:3 when Paul wrote, ” How foolish can you be? After starting your new lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort?“. This hit me so hard because this is exactly where I’m at right now. Not only that, within this last year people still hurt me. We tend to forget that not everyone around us is changing. I caught myself wanting to be better so others can see how well I’m doing. But why? when God says I’m already his.

As you may all know I always felt unloved. I deal with feelings of inadequacy. It’s very hard to succeed in life when you feel unworthy. I know that these chains will be broken and I will break through every last thing that’s holding me back currently. I am the daughter of a King, and, when everyone else says I’m not enough, he says:

                                                             I AM ENOUGH.

One year sober!

This is really happening!!! I’m celebrating my sobriety today. 365 days without a drink, SPEECHLESS!

When I first started this journey , I was scared. I was scared to accept the fact that I have an alcohol abuse problem. I was scared to fail. I was scared to relapse. I was scared about what others would say about me. How did I get to this point? Am I really an alcoholic? How did my life get turned upside down? I never in a million years would of thought that this is what I would be going through at the age of 29.

So many thoughts went through my mind. I couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t stop praying. I knew that putting the bottle down was the first step. What came after that was the hard work. The tears, vulnerability, anger , pain, trauma , and hurt; A whirlwind of emotions that I wish I could of avoided all together at that moment.

As I celebrate today, I am so thankful that I chose sobriety. I’m thankful that this first year is over. I’m thankful that even though it was one of the hardest years of my life, I got through it. The days when I thought I couldn’t make it, I made it. The days I wanted to quit, I kept going . Those days made me. Those days showed me how strong I really am.

Without God, I wouldn’t be here today. God has gotten me through some of the darkest moments of my life. He brought things up to my remembrance that I needed to heal from. Things I thought I was over. I’ve been healed and set free! 🙌 God is so good and I’m so happy to be given another chance at life.

Sobriety is hard! I’ve had great days in sobriety but I’ve also had days where I wanted to quit. In sobriety, you have to keep going, you have to do it one day at a time. The process can be hard, healing can be even harder but you can do it. God has a plan for us and some of us just need to stay sober for good. Sometimes, I do wish I can get wasted. Sometimes, I want to forget all about life’s issues. Sometimes, I don’t want to do this. BUT… I keep going. I keep telling myself, I can’t go back to the girl that I was. I’m a woman now, I’m maturing, I’m growing, emotionally , mentally , and spiritually. It’s a blessing to be sober .

LORD. Thank you! 🙌🙏💕

Thanksgiving and Sobriety.

I’m literally 2 days away from reaching my one year milestone💃🏻. This still doesn’t exclude me from holiday anxiety. Last night I had a meltdown. I cried , prayed, and Went to sleep.

Last year, I was drunk every single day thanksgiving week. The day of thanksgiving I was drinking by 11 am. I know I love being sober. I know my life is A LOT more meaningful when I’m sober, but, why do I want to drink? Why does my brain remind me of all the fun times I had under the influence but not how I messed up my life because of alcohol?Why do I try to convince myself that I don’t have an alcohol problem? This is the struggle that I go through in recovery.

Most days I’m great. I barely think about drinking and my urges aren’t as strong as they were when I first got sober. I thank God that my family doesn’t drink , if they did I probably would stay home today. It makes it a little bit easier that I’m not surrounded by drinkers , but, it’s still difficult for me. Everything I ever did was with alcohol. I only went to work sober, everything else included alcohol. I know I will get through today just like I’ve gotten through the last 362 days !

I chose sobriety because I knew I would never reach my highest potential while drinking. Sobriety gave me my life back. My addictive brain tells me it’s okay to drink. My brain tells me it’s the holidays , why not? One day of drinking won’t kill you. But, we all know how one drink can lead to a downward spiral . I pray that God gives me the strength to get through today, so, I can fully enjoy the holiday without thinking about alcohol. God take this anxiety away from me . It’s a new day and I won’t let “not drinking” be the reason why I’m miserable .

To anyone in recovery, God bless you.

We will get through today. ❤️

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!