Wear the bathing suit.

It doesn’t matter how much I weigh I will wear my bathing suit. Insecure or not I will wear my bathing suit. Whether I feel fat or not I will wear my bathing suit. I don’t care what anyone says or thinks I will wear my bathing suit. I’m a summer baby, so how can I not love the summer or bathing suits?we all gain weight for different reasons. We are all insecure for different reasons. Most of the reasons have to do with the words that have come out of people’s mouths. I really try my best to never comment on anyone’s weight. Sometimes it may slip and I feel super bad afterward. I don’t ever want anyone to think that they aren’t enough because of their size. Your size or weight number doesn’t define you. Yes, I’m sure you would like to look a specific way and that’s okay. Can you work on it ? Can you change it ? If so, you’re good. Don’t beat yourself up. Most of us don’t have a healthy relationship with food. Start with that. Start with loving you right now. Start with making better food choices. Start with figuring out why you turn to food? I promise you, you will not be any more secure when that number changes if you don’t deal with the inner you. The number on the scale isn’t the problem, what you have inside you that you refuse to deal with is the problem. And that’s okay. Give yourself grace. You will overcome the toughest battles. Wear the bathing suit. You are enough. You are worthy. You deserve to love you. Don’t let society make you hate you, you are the bomb!!! You don’t need to cover up. You are beautiful the way you are !! Believe it girlllll and GO SLAY!!

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Lust over God.

We all have a struggle. One of my biggest struggles happens to be lust. Lust of man. As a woman in Christ , this topic is basically non existent in the church. We always talk about men lusting over women, but, we never talk about the women that really struggle with lusting after men. We don’t touch pornography. We don’t touch the topic of sex when it comes to women. We automatically assume it’s a man problem.

Reality check, it’s a human problem.

Women are also struggling with staying pure. We live in a world where you cannot escape lust. It is EVERYWHERE. How do we overcome? How do I not lust after every single man that I find attractive when it’s all I know? How do I seek God more than I seek sex with a man that I can’t keep my eyes off?

As a woman, you don’t have to try to get laid, it’s easy to get sex. The problem is knowing your worth in Christ and trusting God whole heartedly to bring a man to you on his timing. That’s the hard part. Patience isn’t the easiest. Trusting God gets harder. It’s even harder when the men you come in contact with aren’t the purest. You start to doubt what God can do. How can I stay pure when no one is staying pure, not even the church folks. Lord, help me! I want to believe your word but my flesh is weak.

God , I want to believe your promises. I want to trust you. My flesh wants to give in. My flesh tells me “it’s just sex , it’s not that deep.” But I know how much I’ve suffered by having a non disciplined sex life. I know how much I’ve suffered by giving my body away for the wrong reasons. I know the consequences of putting my faith and trust in men, I know.

I know you haven’t left me . I can’t feel you right now. You’re not talking back. But, I know you’re here. You have to be. You never leave me. I know I have to trust you. It gets harder. Grace covers me. I’m not worried about that. My only fear is turning away from you and not coming back .

Lord, keep me. 🙏

June.

Let go of the past 5 months. Stop thinking about what if. Stop wasting time regretting the things you did or didn’t do. Stop wishing and start doing. Your mental health will be a hot mess if you keep living in the past. That’s me .

I live in the past. I dwell on all the mistakes I’ve made. I think that because I’ve messed up so much I have to be perfect all the time. I have to prove myself . But, to who? I’m enough. I’m learning to give myself grace and be patient with myself.

The only person I have to compete with is the girl that I used to be. I’m better than I was. I will continue to be better. I won’t dwell on my past. I won’t be sad about the things that I haven’t done yet. I had a conversation the other day and someone simply said , ” live your life, you will never enjoy it if you keep worrying about what you don’t have .” That’s been on my mind ever since.

Live your life. Such a simple statement but it holds so much power. How joyful would we be if we just enjoyed life and lived it up? Regardless of what we have and don’t have. Living a life of gratitude is a joyful life. It’s easy to get caught up in our goals and dreams that we forget to enjoy the moment.

The days go by so fast. Take a deep breath. Let go of the things that are weighing you down and trust that everything is going to be okay. Renewing the mind is so crucial. Set your mind on the things above. God never fails us and he takes care of his children.

When I think about where I was and where I am, how can I possibly not be grateful? Why do I keep wanting the things that brought me down to the lowest point in my life? Because building something new is uncomfortable . We tend to stay where we are comfortable. This may be harder than I thought , but Jesus said , “ take heart! Because I have overcome the world.”

The pressures of being 30 and single.

I’m not even going to lie! This ish is hard!!!!!! Some days I’m this wildly confident woman that’s super excited about not having a family to look after, other days I just want to lay in bed and not face the world. I want a husband and I want like 5 kids. I know I’m blessed . I know I have nothing but time on my hands to really enjoy the heck out of life and do WHATEVER I WANT . I know. That still doesn’t take away from the fact that I want my own family.

I’m really not going to beat myself up over this. I’m going to rant today and keep it moving. Today, I’m feeling like, ” what’s wrong with me?”. Why doesn’t anybody want to be with me? Why is it so damn hard to find a man these days? Am I the only one struggling here? Help a sista out! Let me know how you are surviving your 30’s being single.

I know when I have these moments I can get real desperate, I don’t want to choose the wrong man out of desperation! I want the one that’s going to be my partner in life. The one I can laugh with. The one I can feel secure with. The one that will be a good father to my children. The one that doesn’t put work before family. The one that prays over his home. The one that genuinely wants to love and protect his wife and kids.

I’m very aware that I still have to grow within myself. So maybe this alone time is exactly where I need to be right now. Is it tough at times? Absolutely. Everyone says trust God , but to be honest , I’m not really trying to hear that from all the married folks. Thanks , but no thanks! I still love y’all tho! ❤️

Honestly. Sometimes I just want a distraction from myself. Rediscovering yourself and making your life exactly what you want it to be can be fun , but it can also be very hard. Healing is hard. It’s so easy to go back to what you’re comfortable with. I want to give up like allllll the time. But , I know I can’t. I have to keep going , even when it gets tough. My relationship status doesn’t define me. I’m still worthy and I’m still amazing . Most importantly, I can put allll the attention on myself and helping others in this season. I know I have to grow in certain areas, I will focus on that for now. Life is one big rollercoaster. I want to drop everything and move to Hawaii , but I’m not . I have things to do on this earth to make it a better place.

As they say in AA, one day at a time.

Love is not.

love

 

Love is not abuse. Love doesn’t manipulate you. Love doesn’t make you a mistress. Love doesn’t hide you. Love doesn’t make you feel less than. Love doesn’t make you fall. True love builds you up.

We live in a world where we are consumed by reality tv and social media. Celebrities hop from one relationship to another. Reality tv shows us that it’s perfectly okay for men to treat us like crap because everyone tolerates it. Social media is full of women looking for acceptance and validation. We are in trouble.

We can bash the world we live in or we can talk about how we got here. As a woman you need to ask yourself why you allow men in your life to treat you the way they do. You need to stop making excuses and keep it real with yourself. It’s not easy but if you want something different you will have to do something you’ve never done before. Women are powerful when they know who they are. Take the layers off. Who were you before everything happened to you and how did you get here?

Women are amazing and unique. We bring a perspective into this world that a man cannot bring. We bring life. We bring love. We adapt to any and everything. God made us STRONG. God made us because he knew a man’s life would be better with us. How cool is that? The wrong woman can destroy a man, just like the wrong man can destroy a woman.

We have to get back to the basics. Love, respect, loyalty, and friendship. I’ve never seen a man love a woman the way God loves his church. All I’ve seen in my life was men disrespect women. No one in my family is happily married. The men think that just because they pay the bills that’s enough. I’ve seen men disrespect women and expect them to cook and clean because she’s the woman of the house. That’s not love. The world says God doesn’t exist, but, if I  don’t go by the Bibles standard of love, whose view of love am I going by? the worlds? No thank you, I’ll pass. My faith has saved me in many ways. I’m just glad God gave us a blueprint to life so we can experience heaven on earth.

I used to be the woman who would beg a man to stay. I tolerated any type of behavior because I didn’t know better. Everyone around me was in unhealthy relationships, I thought it was normal, that’s just how relationships are.  Don’t believe that lie.

 

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

 

Single But not Desperate.

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Valentine’s Day is around the corner and I already see it, lovers can’t wait to celebrate and singles just want the day to come and go, FAST. I’m single this year and I don’t care. This is the most at peace I have ever felt in my entire adult life. That right there calls for a celebration. A lot of women aren’t okay with being single though. They either settle for what they can get or entertain someone until someone better comes along. The most empowering thing you can do as a woman is to have standards and not compromise them for anyone.

The world may tell you that your standards are too high, but, as long as they are realistic, keep them. Standards give you something to go by. I remember when I didn’t have standards. I would compare men to the men that were in my family or to the ones that my homegirl’s were dating. That wasn’t a good idea because mostly everyone was in an unhealthy relationship, so, I never thought my relationships were THAT bad. But they were, they were unhealthy and toxic.

I’m on a mission to open up women’s eyes. I want women to know who they are in Christ. God didn’t create us to tolerate disrespect. A covenant between a woman and a man is beautiful when God is at the center. I will never go back to the way I dated before. My eyes have been opened up to the truth, and, if a man isn’t ready to love me the way Christ loves the church, I’m good.

I could date right now if I wanted to. I can entertain men that I know I won’t marry, but for what? I can’t afford any distractions right now. Women empowerment isn’t having sex with men because you can. Real empowerment comes from knowing you can but you don’t. I’m on a mission to change the world, I want people to know Jesus. I want people to experience FREEDOM. I can’t jeopardize the calling on my life for a man that’s not sent from God.

In order for me to get to this place of peace and trusting God with my life, I had to heal. I had to let God heal my wounds. I had to talk about my insecurities and the pains I’ve been through. It took a lot of work to get here. The beauty of it all is that I now know who I am. I don’t need a man to validate me. I don’t need to sleep with a man to feel loved. I no longer have to give my body away, because, I have so much more to offer. Every single woman has a lot more to offer. Being in the hands of the wrong man, you won’t see that. Dealing with the wrong man can make you insecure. Dealing with the wrong man can drive you insane. Pay attention to the red flags. If you catch yourself being desperate ask yourself why? Why are you desperate? why do you want a man? Most of the time it’s because we are lonely and we believe that a man will automatically fix our lives and insecurities, WRONG.

Women are amazing when they know who they are. In order to reach your best potential you have to make good decisions. You can’t date without purpose. You need to have a vision for your life. You need to know what God wants for your life. Be single, but , not desperate. When you’re desperate you make bad decisions. You are amazing and God created you in his image, don’t let this world drive you into the arms of the wrong one for the sake of Having a man. Be patient. Love yourself. Grow. Your time will come.

Be patient.