Paralyzed by fear.

Fear doesn’t exist . It’s a mental barrier that can keep us from being everything God called us to be if we don’t confront it .

Fear is one of those things that can keep you in the same spot for 20 years. Nothing happened . The only thing that happened was the failed scenarios you constantly played in your head.

What if it doesn’t work?

What if we get divorced?

What if I never get married?

What if the business fails?

What if nobody buys my product?

What if nobody reads my blog?

What if nobody comes to my show?

What if nobody reads my emails?

What if nobody watches my live videos?

What if I’m just dreaming too big?

Let me be realistic , this can’t happen for me .

God isn’t really speaking to me.

Isn’t this what we tell ourselves? Every day we wake up with the same exact ideas , the same big dream! Yet, we do nothing. We let the enemy whisper in our ears about how inadequate we are. We continue to replay the words our parents , friends or exes spoke over our lives like their the ones that knit us together in our mother’s womb. We tell ourselves we can’t, when the creator of the universe said, before I formed you I knew you.

YES YOU CAN.

I’m the one that puts the breath in your lungs.

You will live and not die.

Pick up your mat and walk.

I know you’re scared, walk anyway.

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Relationship with self.

I believe one of the best relationships anyone can have is with themselves.

You should love you.

You should love yourself enough to set boundaries.

You should love yourself enough to say no.

You should love yourself enough to not have sex with anyone that doesn’t respect you.

You should love the woman God created you to be.

You should love your imperfections.

You should love everything about you.

We are all different. We all have flaws . Who cares.

One of the hardest things to be is ourselves. This world is constantly telling us who to be and what to do to be relevant. If you aren’t careful you can lose yourself QUICK.

Make time for yourself.

Have quiet time.

Take yourself on dates.

Pray.

Spend time with God .

Just you and the creator.

Vent.

Pray for others.

Give thanks.

Life is beautiful when we change our focus. Depression comes from what we don’t see. Depression comes when we don’t find ourselves worthy. Depression comes when other peoples words speak louder than Gods word. Depression has no power. You will live and not die. You will overcome. You will believe you are amazing and worthy of greatness.

We somehow believe that one day we wake up and everything is great. That’s not how it works.

Every day you wake up and do your best. Every day you keep going.

Every day you refuse to give up.

Every day you tell yourself that you will move that mountain in front of you.

Every day you will give yourself that Pep talk instead of giving up.

Until one day, the storm has passed. Your smiling again. You have peace. The pain is a little less. You’re a little more confident. You start believing in you. And that’s when you realize , all things worked out for my good. 💜

Wear the bathing suit.

It doesn’t matter how much I weigh I will wear my bathing suit. Insecure or not I will wear my bathing suit. Whether I feel fat or not I will wear my bathing suit. I don’t care what anyone says or thinks I will wear my bathing suit. I’m a summer baby, so how can I not love the summer or bathing suits?we all gain weight for different reasons. We are all insecure for different reasons. Most of the reasons have to do with the words that have come out of people’s mouths. I really try my best to never comment on anyone’s weight. Sometimes it may slip and I feel super bad afterward. I don’t ever want anyone to think that they aren’t enough because of their size. Your size or weight number doesn’t define you. Yes, I’m sure you would like to look a specific way and that’s okay. Can you work on it ? Can you change it ? If so, you’re good. Don’t beat yourself up. Most of us don’t have a healthy relationship with food. Start with that. Start with loving you right now. Start with making better food choices. Start with figuring out why you turn to food? I promise you, you will not be any more secure when that number changes if you don’t deal with the inner you. The number on the scale isn’t the problem, what you have inside you that you refuse to deal with is the problem. And that’s okay. Give yourself grace. You will overcome the toughest battles. Wear the bathing suit. You are enough. You are worthy. You deserve to love you. Don’t let society make you hate you, you are the bomb!!! You don’t need to cover up. You are beautiful the way you are !! Believe it girlllll and GO SLAY!!

Daddy issues.

I’m seeking a man to fill the void of not having a father present. I’m subconsciously making decisions from a little girls perspective. I want my dad. I want him to give me advice. I want him to protect me. I want him to hug me. I want him to tell me how proud he is of me. I want him to take me out to dinner. I just want to have a relationship with my dad.

That may never happen and I have to accept that. We talk here and there. I see him once a year for the most part. I know he’s doing well in Puerto Rico. I know he did the best he can. I know his intention wasn’t to abandon me. I know he meant no harm. So why am I still unable to forgive him?

The Lord quickly reminded me tonight in worship how I’m making marriage an idol. I’m desperately seeking for a husband to fill the void of not having a daddy. That cut deep. Almost lost my breath. My chest tightened up and all I could do was cry. Every girl desires to have a great relationship with her dad. Women shouldn’t have to figure out life on their own. Fathers are important.

Dad, I forgive you.

I thought I already forgave you , but , clearly I didn’t. Deep down I was still holding on. Holding on to what could of been. Holding on to how life would have been like if you and mom never got divorced. My life changed drastically. I was still that little girl seeking for answers. I have to let go. I have to trust God. I have to trust him enough to know that he will always protect me no matter what. I can’t change the past . I can only control what I do and how I react from here on out.

I want to be free. I want to choose peace. I want to choose happiness. I want to choose forgiveness. I choose all of this today. I choose it again, and I will choose it every single day.

To every little girl without a present father , you are loved and The Lord has not forgotten you. ❤️

The missing link.

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As a woman we want to be loved and protected. Whether that love comes from a father, husband, friend, or, brother; it’s something we were created for. We were created to be loved and protected. What do you do when you don’t have that love from a man?

I’m finding my way in this world and it is hard. Every time I take steps forward I take a couple of steps back. I ask myself how long will this back and forth last? When will I get out of this place? When will I go to the next level? When will I let go of the past? It seems like every time I attempt to start a new beginning, something happens that sends me back to a painful experience. I have a desire to be loved. I have felt unloved for as long as I can remember. I ask God, when will you send people in my life that will love me for me? Why has every important man in my life hurt me? I see women that are able to get life advice from their fathers and it hurts. Me and my dad don’t have that bond. I can’t cry to him, vent , or simply ask him for help with this thing called life.

Every time a man hurts me, leaves me , or simply disrespects me it always reminds me of previous painful moments. I know I have to set boundaries. I know I have to stop allowing people to hurt me. I know I have to take a step back and focus on me more. I have to let go of the thought of things changing between me and the men in my life. I have this hope that one day things will change. I have this hope that It will one day get to how it was when I was a little girl. I have this hope that one day they will start showing me the love they say they have for me. Maybe the damage has already been done.

Am I crazy for hoping?

God, give me the strength to move on. Give me the strength to trust you. I know one day my life will be full of people who love me, but, when? Having faith is hard. I want things now. I want it all to be worked out for my good, NOW. I know it doesn’t always work like that. This process is tough. I never thought it was going to be this hard. I thought the hardest thing I had to do was let go of the liquor. This healing stuff is not easy. I have to dig deep, I have to deal with the reality of life, SOBER. I drove past a liquor store yesterday and thought to myself, “is being sober even worth it?”.

Forgiveness is something you have to choose every single day. You have to choose happiness every day. Every single day, you have to wake up and make choices. They aren’t always easy but, I’m a firm believer that things will get easier as time passes. Do I wish I had men in my life that I could count on? absolutely. But, the reality is that I don’t. So, I have to be okay with that and do the best that I can. My relationship with my mother has gotten so much better and I am thankful for that. I may not have a present father or sibling. I may not have a husband yet, but, at least I have my mom. A woman who despite our differences doesn’t give up on me and loves me.

This father wound cuts deep. Will I ever heal from it 100%? I don’t know. But for now, I will continue to trust in the Lord. Tomorrow is the day Jesus resurrected, maybe in April I will resurrect to a new life. Letting go of the past and starting a new beginning.

Who am I?

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As soon as I log on to social media I feel like I’m in a competition. Everyone is posting their best pictures of family , trips , and accomplishments. Can I follow someone that’s real? Someone that’s going to talk about the good and the bad. Someone that’s going to forget about all the material things and let me know that everything is going to be okay. Someone that’s not going to start another debate on how our world is in shambles.
It almost feels like we are in one huge competition. We are all trying to prove a point.

Who am I? what do I want? Am I really content with life? Is Jesus really all I need or am I lying to myself? I’m in this huge bubble of peace until I log on. It’s so easy to lose yourself in the midst of social media. It’s so easy to start comparing. It’s so easy to judge people because we don’t think they deserve certain things. Then I get on the explore page. Why are these women so perfect? Why is everybody’s makeup always on fleek? Why can’t I get to the gym every single day? Why is everyone’s house so nice? Is everyone really this happy? Are couples really this happy, ALL THE TIME? What world is everybody living in? On social media everything is perfect, but, when I have real conversations with people everyone’s life is in shambles.

Why are we trying so hard to prove to people that we are winning?

I pray for the day when we can all be real . I pray for the day when we can all be vulnerable. I pray for the day when we can all genuinely care about one another. We are so busy trying to build our brand. Everyone is hustling and grinding. No one is stopping for one second to ask , ” how are you doing?”. I know you work hard. I know you have goals. I know you are starting a business, but, seriously.. “HOW ARE YOU DOING?”

You know what’s sad? the amount of people who are depressed. What’s even worse is the amount that suffer in silence. The ones that focus on “winning” on social media but are dying behind closed doors. I use social media to bring awareness to mental health and the many ways that we are dying within. I preach Jesus because I know this world needs the only one that can save us. We don’t need more likes. We don’t need more money. We don’t need more passport stamps. WE NEED JESUS.

Anytime I start to question who I am , I take a step back. I ask myself questions. I figure out why I’m feeling the way I feel. It’s mostly because of comparison. When I compare myself, I don’t think I”m doing enough. When I compare myself, I don’t feel pretty enough. When I compare myself, I think something is wrong with me. When I compare myself, I will ALWAYS find something wrong. STOP. The beauty of this is that I know how to check myself, now. Before, I would throw this huge pity party and complain about the same things over and over again. I know who I am.

God’s plan is God’s plan. What’s for me will always be for me.

Social media breaks are so important. Unfollow people who make you feel inadequate. Stay away from the explore page. Don’t spend hours scrolling. Post and Go. Mental health matters. We cannot live our best lives when our mind is a mess. Clear your mind. Take care of you. Rest. Do things that genuinely bring you peace. Spend time with the ones you love. Work hard , but also.. REST.

Do you know who you are?

God made you for a reason. You are the best at being YOU. Never forget that.