Pain.

Pain is everywhere. Being a human being means at some point or another you will feel some type of pain that cannot be explained.

Pain that makes you feel heavy. A burden you can’t seem to shake. Whether it’s pain from your past , present or the unexpected pain of not knowing what your future holds. We all know pain.

For some of us , pain is all we know. We don’t know a life of joy, peace and liberty. All we know is pain.

The pain of not having what you think you need. The pain of someone leaving you. The pain of not having enough money. The pain of betrayal. The pain of heartbreak. The pain of lost friendships. The pain of being born into dysfunction. The pain of addiction. The pain of not liking yourself. The pain of wanting to win when everything and everyone seems like it’s against you.

Is life without excruciating pain possible? I don’t think so . Life is going to happen to all of us. How will we deal with what we are dealt with? How will we handle the betrayal? How will we handle the death of a loved one? THE CROSS OF JESUS CHRIST.

Let’s be honest for a second, sometimes, believing in Jesus Christ comes with pain. The messiah , the savior of the whole world was REJECTED ! It comes with the territory. When we choose to love and live for Jesus, the attacks will come. Darkness hates the light , so STAY ANCHORED IN CHRIST . It’s the only way.

It’s so easy to get comfortable. We start settling in our pain. We start denying who God created us to be so we can fit in with what and who’s popular . But, what if God created you to stand out and be a voice shouting in the wilderness? What if you are the voice of hope? What if your the voice that this world needs right now?

Pain has a way of making us desperate for change.

When all you know is pain, you don’t really have anything to lose. So why not go hard in for what you believe in? Why not go hard in giving the world the hope it so badly needs? Why not go hard to pass laws where we can thrive as a nation and help our brothers and sisters?

Life is but a vapor , will your life count?

Or will we keep complaining. Will we keep crying about the past ? Will we keep dwelling in the pain of betrayal and heartbreaks? OR , will we go to the cross with everything that we have and let God deal with things accordingly. There’s only so much that me and you can do when it comes to how people act and treat us. The only thing we can do is not tolerate it , pray for them and be led by the Holy Spirit in all things.

Not in the things that only feel safe to us , but the things that STRETCH US. The things that challenge us to become like Christ so people can see the Jesus in us on earth. It’s going to take commitment . It’s going to take dying to self.

Idk about you, but the pain of living for my own selfish needs and desires is not even worth it . Even though we share in the suffering of Jesus when we choose to live for him, there’s a GLORY that only comes from living In him. That’s what we forget, you’re not missing anything living for him, you’re gaining everything that you will ever need.

The world needs you. We need hope. We need light. We need life changing encounters. We need a breath of fresh air in the earth , and I truly believe that will come when we say YES .

Yes to Jesus.

Yes, to our assignment .

Yes, to what God wants you to do.

Yes, to the things that make you uncomfortable, but also the things that will change you and change the world.

BE ENCOURAGED !

“So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your family of believers all over the world is going through the same kind of suffering you are. In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation. All power to him forever! Amen.”
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭5:6-11‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Zombies.

Alive but dead.

What are you doing?

How are you living your life?

Are you full of vitality or are you barely getting through your days?

Do you find joy in the regular things of life?

I see how easy it is for our joy and peace to be snuffed out.

I often ask God this question,

Lord, why was I born in America?

We are full of greed, pride, envy , selfishness , and ambition that gets us nowhere but run down and tired.

We are mentally exhausted.

Dinner at the table is non existent.

Social media takes priority in our social gatherings.

We are busy chasing the American dream and keeping up with everyone else that we totally lost the true joy of being alive.

Rich but dead .

We have all the cool new gadgets but dead.

Nice houses but dead.

Dope Instagram pics but dead.

Its easy to fall into this trap. It’s what we “ think “ we are all supposed to be doing , but yet everyone is so lost.

Everyone is so dead. Since when did being an adult have to come with misery? You know what really happened ?

we stopped being grateful.

We stopped loving without expectations.

We stopped dancing.

We stopped singing.

We stopped sitting at the dinner table.

We stopped going outside and enjoying nature.

We stopped being children at heart .

Why are we so serious? Why are we striving so hard? Yes , be responsible. God calls us to be good stewards over our lives , not greedy and ambitious for our own selfish gain.

It’s so easy for our hearts to get cold and bitter.

It’s so easy to start comparing yourself and coveting what’s not yours. It’s also the easiest way for your light to be snuffed out.

My prayer for the rest of this year is that we come alive again. That we take time out to reevaluate our lives and water the parts that our dying to come to life.

When’s the last time you laughed until your stomach hurt?

When’s the last time you thanked God for running water and electricity?

When’s the last time you thanked God for the breath in your lungs?

When’s the last time you thanked God for the job you have?

The enemy wants to steal your joy, and you know how he does it ? By convincing you that your life isn’t all that. The devil is a liar. Idc how much money you make or how many things you own , we all go through the same type of suffering .

The one thing I learn time and time again is that Jesus breathes life into EVERYTHING. Without my hope and faith in Jesus Christ idk where I would be.

This world is too shallow. We aren’t suppose to live like this. There is more , but it’s not in what you see on Instagram. I challenge you to take a moment and ask God how did I become a walking zombie? Where did my joy go? where did my smile go? Breathe life again, Lord.

Life is precious . We need to stop waiting for it to be “ perfect “ and enjoy it right this second.

YeS, that man left you but it’s a blessing.

No, you don’t own a home but you can make that room or apartment your sanctuary.

No, you aren’t living your dream right now but what is God asking you to do today?

life is not perfect and guess what ? It will never be. YOU WILL ALWAYS WANT MORE MONEY. You will always want a bigger house .

Let’s be intentional about not being so superficial.

If you’re not feeling like yourself , that’s okay. We went through a whole pandemic and felt like the world stood still for about 2 years. If you’re in a funk, that’s okay. Make a choice that this is not how the rest of the year will be .

Who cares if you don’t accomplish every single goal you set out, how’s your spirit? Are you alive? Or are you dead on the inside complaining about any and everything?

The Lord is MY SHEPHERD AND I LACK NOTHING!

Come alive, Again.

Antidepressants?

I remember being in the psych ward in 2015.

I was so over life.

I lost hope.

I started thinking about ways to just end it all.

I saw no point in living.

If I was created to work, pay bills , and do the same thing over and over again until I die , I wanted no parts.

I kept drinking to numb the pain. I kept dating randoms to ease the pain. I used sex to numb the pain. I didn’t know why I was still alive. All I knew was that these reckless activities made life worth living at the moment. As long as I had a man, I was good. As long as I was drinking, I was good. As long as I was having sex, I was good.

My experience at the hospital wasn’t what I thought it would be. I thought they would help me. I thought they would really care. I thought that they would talk to me to help me get to the core issue of why I was so damn depressed.

But .. no.

I was given antidepressants.

Being around other patients made me want to stay around those that were like me. I didn’t want to leave the hospital because it was safe. Nothing bad could happen. I didn’t have to worry about how my life was in shambles because I didn’t have to deal with life. It was almost like I made an exit to this peaceful place where you go to bed early, take your meds, watch tv and color. But is that really living? Nope.

I was out of there in 3 days. Here’s why. I lied.

I told them I was no longer suicidal. They set up appointments for me to go to an outpatient alcohol program and to go see a psychologist, plus a prescription to continue antidepressants. That’s it. Guess what? I went to neither and I never got my meds. At that point I knew I couldn’t trust the system to help me.

I don’t believe we get depressed or anxious for no reason. I don’t believe in chemical imbalances because that can be altered by life experience, exercise, purpose and healing. So , is it REALLY a chemical imbalance or are we just too lazy to REALLY help people with their problem?

A part of me is happy that we are getting to a place where mental health is talked about on the regular. The only problem I have is that a lot of us are accepting our diagnosis for life. We are accepting that this is life and nothing we do can change it . That’s a lie.

I just saw a commercial for another pill that helps with the side effects of antidepressants. Please explain to me how given someone with suicide thoughts an antidepressant that may increase suicide thoughts is of any help? And on top of that we have the audacity to create another pill that helps decrease the suicidal thoughts. So not only are you super depressed but now you’re taking 2 pills that are taking a toll on your body and covering up your symptoms.

All I know is that antidepressants are not the answer. If you’ve lost hope and you don’t want to the work because it just seems like A LOT , I understand. I get it . It takes a lot to come out of a dark place. You need to put in the work. Get up after falling and try again.

As a woman of God I can’t give the credit to medicine at all. Not only because I feel like most, if not , ALL of our issues are heart and soul issues. Jesus often talked about confession ( therapy/ safe groups) . Jesus often talked about community ( Church/friends/accountability). Jesus often talked about repentance ( forgiveness, letting go and moving forward).

We are weighed down by life’s problems. We are weighed down by our own choices. We are weighed down by the things people have done to us. We are weighed down by comparison. We are weighed down by poverty and low self esteem. you name it and we are weighed down by it.

I believe that we all can be healed and live a life of freedom. It takes daily work. Daily surrender. It takes time. 3 years into my journey and I’m still healing, forgiving, letting go and as a human on this earth, I continue to get hurt. Whether it’s intentional or unintentional, it happens. Life happens to all of us . We have to make up in our minds that we can overcome by the Blood of Jesus.

If you need to start on medicine , cool. If you need to talk it out , go talk it out. But please understand that you don’t have to live like that forever. Jesus restores , he saves and he redeems . This world cannot add to you. This world can’t heal you. Our jobs can’t heal us. Our money can’t heal us. Our big houses can’t heal us.

You know what heals us, LOVE. We all need to be LOVED. I pray that everyone reading this knows that you are worthy of being loved. I pray for you to have the strength to leave toxic things in your life. I pray you come across Godly, genuine and loving people that don’t want to change anything about you, but love you just as you are ! Because you my friend are worthy of that and more.

I pray for peace, joy and love to flood your life. I pray morning comes now. I pray for heaviness to fall off and for your joy to shine through.

Yes, you may have been through some things but that’s not who you are, it’s just what you’ve been through. Don’t label yourself. Take the labels others have put on you and throw them out . You are a Kings kid and we are called to live prosperous lives. Our souls need rest. Our soul will prosper. Surrender. ❤️🙏

Enough.

Just a little reminder.

You are enough.

In case you woke up questioning your existence, you matter.

The breath in your lungs is proof that God isn’t done with you yet.

Your money does not make you more valuable.

A big house doesn’t make you any more valuable.

Being married doesn’t make you more valuable.

Having children doesn’t make you more valuable.

You are enough just as you are with what you do have.

I’m sorry the people in your life always make you feel like you’re not enough as is.

They make you feel like your life matters once you lose the weight,

Once you get the 6 figure salary,

Once you get the ring.

You are important whether you live a picture perfect life or a mediocre one.

Don’t let other people make you feel bad for being where you are in life.

You are exactly where you need to be and you don’t owe anyone anything.

God chose you to be here right now.

Be content in where you are .

The beauty is that God is not done with you.

Yes, it’s okay to want to live a life without worries and pressure and you will… in time.

You are in the process.

Give yourself grace .

Give yourself time.

You’re in a rush , God isn’t.

Conquer your day and speak life over yourself.

You are enough.

God is not done with you. 🙏❤️

Peace….

I like writing about peace because it’s something that a lot of us struggle to receive. Life is unpredictable and if it’s not one thing it’s another. How can we possibly have peace if it’s ” ALWAYS SOMETHING!??”, easy . Our ways are not his ways and our thoughts aren’t his thoughts.

On this faith journey I’m coming to the realization that you can have peace even if life isn’t the way you want it to be. I have goals and dreams. I also want a husband , children and a home full of peace , love and grace. There’s a lot of things that I want that I just don’t have yet . I’m working towards certain goals, but, some things I have no control over,like the fact that I have no idea when I will meet my husband. All I’m doing is walking in obedience and focusing on the things I have to do for the Lord, right now.

You know what I noticed ? That when I’m soooo focused on what I don’t have , I’m sad. I find myself feeling unworthy and unlovable. I start thinking that good things happen to everyone else except me. I start comparing myself to other people around my age. I start telling myself that it will never happen for me. I will never be successful . Maybe I’m just thinking too big and I need to be realistic .

But then! I open up the word of God. The devil is a liar and he will have you thinking that your life is over when it’s not. As long as you have breath in your lungs, GOD IS NOT DONE WITH YOU.

I’m learning to cast down thoughts and it’s something that I practice daily. I speak Gods word over my life because it’s the only thing that works. That’s why I’m so passionate about Jesus. He is not dead, HE IS ALIVE. He gives life to our dry bones. He gives us the words to speak life over ourselves . He gives us strength when we are weak and he gives us hope when things seem hopeless.

Living in America is a gift and a curse. We live in a very good country. We are spoiled. We all aim for the American Dream like happiness comes with it. Reality check? It doesn’t. Happiness comes in love. In being content with your portion. In being alive. In smelling the roses. Looking at how green the grass is and enjoying nature. There is so much beauty around us and we miss it. We miss it because we are focused on what we don’t have and what we ” should ” have.

we all will die one day and we won’t get another chance at life. Choose joy. I know you may be in a storm but you can’t get yourself out of the storm. Reach for Jesus like the woman with the issue of blood did. ReAch for the hem of his garment. In your desperation cry out to Jesus. He will answer. He will fill you. This world will not satisfy. Jesus is the well that will never run dry.

I watched a video of Kanye West this morning and he said at a church over the weekend,

“nothing is better than God and a sound mind.”

That resonated with my soul. Because quiet frankly, NOTHING IS BETTER THAN GOD AND A SOUND MIND.

I’ve lived without God and I’ve lived with mental turmoil. I’m living proof of God’s power that is inside of every single one of us. Peace is our portion. Jesus came to give us life. Jesus is the answer. Don’t look nowhere else, look to Jesus. 🙏🙌❤️

Peace.

When are you at peace?

Is it when you’re laid up on your couch doing nothing?

Is it when you shut off your phone and escape from the world?

Is it when you spend time with the Lord?

Is it at the gym?

Is it when you eat?

Is it when you smoke a blunt?

Is it when you have sex?

Where is your peace?

Do you have peace?

Peace that surpasses all understanding that is.

Did life get so hard that you don’t even think peace is attainable?

Do you really think that we were created to live stressed, depressed and anxious?

No.

Christ came to give us life and have it abundantly.

Not too long ago , I was having suicide thoughts. It was weird because I overcame this already. It was random. I woke up in the morning with such heaviness. I felt alone. I felt left out. I felt like the call God gave me for my life was a lie. It was too much.

Who’s going to listen to me?

I don’t have any degrees.

I’m not perfect.

I don’t speak like the rest.

I don’t look like them.

I’m too bold .

I’m too loud.

Church people don’t say what I say.

I’m a 32 year old single woman.

I think I made a mistake.

Not one person cares about the words that I write or the words that come out of my mouth.

As I laid in bed , these thoughts consumed me.

I cried out “LORD” . Where are you?

You aren’t alone. CAST THEM DOWN!

Cast the thoughts down . Immediately I went into warfare. When you resist the devil he HAS TO FLEE!

Everything shifted.

The enemy will tell you that you will be depressed forever.

The enemy will tell you that it will never get better.

The enemy will tell you that you will always be single.

The enemy will tell you that you’re a bad mom.

The enemy will tell you that you married the wrong one.

The enemy will tell you to give up because no one cares about you anyway.

He is a LIAR.

He comes to steal , kill and destroy!

You have the power to cast down anything that exalts itself over the knowledge of God!

As I look at this world, people are going crazy.

People are more anxious than ever.

Depression is the new norm.

The devil is a LIAR!!!!

We serve the king of Peace !! Grab your Bible , open it up to John , 1 JOHN & 2 JOHN. Get to know Jesus !!! Forget about the church building. Forget about what your pastor told you 4 weeks ago. Forget about what your favorite online preacher told you …

SEEK GOD FOR YOURSELF! LEARN ABOUT THE LORD FOR YOURSELF!

Having the word in your heart is what’s going to sustain you.

I’ve overcome my darkest days , moments and years because of THE BLOOD Of JESUS. Of course the devil wants me to shut up . The same exact thing God will use for his glory is the same exact area the devil wants to take from me.

My voice will be heard.

I will preach the Gospel.

I will grab women out the trenches.

I’m in a battlefield and I will not lose .

Women are dying because they have lost hope.

Not anymore .

Not on my watch.

You will live and not die!

RISE . It’s not over . 🙏