As I sit here at my desk, on my laptop, listening to worship music, I can’t help but think….
My life has truly changed.
I never thought that I would have so much peace.
After getting sober in 2016 , my cousin passed away last year. I got hurt by “church” folks. I was depressed for the second half of the year. As much as I tried to get peace and joy , it was far from me.
I didn’t know what was going on. I was praying . I was going to church. I wanted to be happy. Where are you God? What’s going on? Why am I getting hurt by people, again?
I never stopped seeking God.
He restored me. I had to sit still. I had to stop trying so hard and just seek him in my vulnerability. I had to take a step back , see what God wanted me to do and not what Cristal wanted to do.
Often times, when things are going well , we seek God less. It’s almost like we think we don’t need God because life is good. I started this year seeking God and letting go of people that were not beneficial to my growth. Was it hard? Yes. But, my relationship with Christ is #1.
I know I have purpose. I know I have work to do for the kingdom. I know I can’t be distracted. I know that the friends that God has for me will push me towards greatness, not hold me back.
Sometimes you just have to sit still and think about how far God has brought you. I’m a different woman than I was in 2016. I just broke down in tears because I have PEACE. If God never gives me anything else, I will be okay with his PEACE. In this world, nothing matters to me more than my peace.
I’ve suffered. Alcoholism. Rape. Rejection. Abandonment. Heart break after break . Betrayals. Looking for a way out of darkness in everything but GOD. Looking for peace in a bottle and never found it. I looked for peace in a man and never found it. Filled up my life with friends and hangouts , still no peace. Peace can’t be found in anything but the creator of the universe. The creator of our souls. The one who breathed life into our nostrils. That’s where the peace is.
Everything starts to make sense. You now have purpose. You know you aren’t a mistake. Romans 8:28 makes so much sense now .
If you are going through a dark time, please don’t lose hope. Speak life and not death. Even if you don’t see a way out, speak the opposite. If you keep saying things won’t get better , they won’t. What you are going through right now is only temporary…
I promise. 💜🙏