I have lived a life in bondage my whole life. I never knew a life of freedom. Being born into a puertorican family, we Kinda just survive. No vision, no purpose , just work to eat and pay bills. I always knew deep down within me that there was more. I truly believe that was God’s way of always keeping me in his reach , even when I was at my lowest. I guess I never truly lost hope. I almost did, but, thank God I didn’t.
I was comfortable being depressed. I was comfortable working and looking forward to the weekend. I was comfortable sleeping around. I was comfortable living paycheck to paycheck. I was comfortable with having debt. I was comfortable in my addiction. I was comfortable being mad at the world. I was comfortable in my brokenness. I didn’t know anything else. I never saw anything else. This was my life, it was normal to me. The pain was normal. Numbing the pain with alcohol and sex was normal. All this was normal to me until I wanted to kill my self. I knew deep down that this s*** was NOT NORMAL.
I cried out to God, ” idk how you gonna do it, but I need you to come through like RIGHT NOW!! I can’t go another day. The pain is unbearable. I hate the woman who I’ve become. No one loves me. My life has no purpose. I’m ready to die. If you are really calling me, I surrender, have your way and do what you have to do in me, God.”
That was the beginning of my deliverance in 2016. It has been one heck of a ride. Letting go of my bondage was so hard! One thing that I have learned is that you do not become free in one day. It is a daily process. It is looking out for God’s voice every single day. Doing as he says. Seeking him. Praying. Worshipping. When you truly want to be delivered , nothing else matters, your deliverance is your top priority.
As of lately, I caught myself going back to my past. It’s almost like I didn’t know how to handle being free. I didn’t know this life of freedom. It was different. No chaos. no depression. No soul ties. It was DIFFERENT. I went to church this past Sunday and in the midst of worship , it hit me. “I AM FREE, WHY AM I SO SCARED OF BEING FREE?”
Our walk with Christ will always be a journey. We will never reach perfection. We can always have more of God. We will always continue to grow. Pain has a way of bringing us closer to God, but, what do you do when he heals that pain? How do you relate with God from a place of freedom? you worship him! You praise him! YOU THANK HIM! Keep immersing yourself in the Lord. Start walking in your purpose. help others. Be obedient to what he is telling you to do.
I have to accept that I am no longer broken. God has given me a new vision. I am so grateful. I am in pure awe of God’s goodness. He has restored me back to life. If you are working on your deliverance, be patient. I know it is hard. I know you want to give up. I know talking about your deepest wounds is not easy. I know forgiving people who hurt you is not easy. Trust me , I know. BUT, what I can tell you is that we serve an amazing God. We serve a God that wants to heal you and set you free. We serve a God that took it all to the cross just so YOU can be free. Put your trust and faith in him. Seek him whole heartedly and watch your life change. I love you. God loves you. It gets better. Freedom is around the corner.