Self Reflection.

Sometimes I feel like I’m not enough. I feel like I’m not lovable. I had to take a look in the mirror today and just stare into it. I just stared at myself for a few minutes…

I just smiled. 😀

This is me . This is who I am. I have to always be myself regardless of what this world tries to turn me into.

At times I want to be a complete savage and f*ck shit up. 

I’m almost sure that would feel very satisfying at the moment, it’s not who I really am though. I’ve dealt with mental health issues before and anytime I come down off an episode I regret all the bad shit I’ve done. I get very excited and hyper at times and then I crash into depression mode, which is why I really try my hardest to control myself. When I find myself getting into a manic episode I know I am running from something I don’t want to face. I hate dealing with my emotions at times so I just turn into an adventurous thrill seeking machine. I can’t lie and say it’s not fun because it absolutely is fun at the time. Nothing feels better than that high that makes you feel like you’re on top of the world.

UNSTOPPABLE SUPER WOMAN. 

This week hasn’t really been a great week for me, but, I’m only giving myself 5 days to be sad and deal with my emotions. I drank a couple of times this week and we all know that doesn’t fix anything, but I did it anyway. I stayed to myself mainly because I didn’t want to vent to anyone. Sometimes people don’t get it. I don’t feel like being judged right now, I just want to deal with my feelings and move on. After all, they are my feelings. People don’t get it though, I don’t expect them to.

Tomorrow I’m going out with the girls and it should be fun. I haven’t been out in a while so this should definitely clear my head, I want to leave everything on that dance floor and wake up Saturday morning with a new mindset. Being sad and upset over things you can’t control is a waste of dam time, I’m over it. 

I love dealing with my emotions, staying true to myself gets me through all the time. I can’t just ignore things and act like they aren’t happening when they are. Depression has taken so many days, months, and years from me, I refuse to go down that path again. I’ve been learning to accept and let go . We all know some things are easier said than done but with practice and patience anything is possible.

I love me. 

I love who I am. 

I am beautiful. 

My personality is amazing. 

I have a heart of gold.

This world will not defeat me. 

I will win, ALWAYS.