Letting go. 

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Why is it so hard to let go? I know he’s no good for me, I know I wouldn’t be happy in that relationship so why am I hurting? Why am I hurt that he moved on? I thought I was over him. Why do I feel like someone is literally stabbing me in my chest repeatedly? Why do I feel like my world just collapsed in front of me? Why do I feel like I will never find love? Why am I losing sleep and shedding tears over someone who has moved on? Why is this the only thing that’s on my mind?

Deep down I know I want a child , a husband, a family, love. I want it all. I’m still young and I know I will get that one day. How did I let myself get so attached to someone to the point where I can’t see myself being without them? How did I let this happen? Why did I ignore the signs? Why didn’t I run the opposite way before it got out of hand? Why did I stay as long as I did?

That wasn’t love. That was attachment. I was attached. I did so much for him that I felt obligated to stay, I put up with the disrespect , a relationship that turned into a situationship, BULLSHIT. I had people telling me, ” if you don’t put up with him you will put up with the next mans bullshit as well”. Why did I believe that? Why did I believe that this was love? I was so scared of being alone that I settled for what I could get. I settled and got attached to someone who didn’t know how to love.

So why am I upset that he moved on? Am I upset because a great individual like myself is still alone and he isn’t? Am I really upset because he moved on or because I don’t have what he just gave the next woman? Did he really care about me or was he using me?

This is my reality. It really doesn’t matter how I feel or how bothered I am about this situation I have to let go, completely. I need to accept this for what it is and stop being sad about it. I can’t let this bring me back into a depression state of mind , my life is not bad at all, so why do I feel like it is? My life is actually pretty great and it got a lot better after I left that situation. I still feel like I’m losing, I feel like I wasn’t enough, like I wasn’t worthy. I know these are all lies and my mind is just tripping right now because I know I’m the BOMB, but my emotions are all over the place right now. This is a blessing in disguise. 

I may not see it now but I know this is a win for me. I have to keep living my life, take care of me, and close that chapter of my life without looking back.

Sometimes God closes doors because it’s time to move forward. He knows you won’t move unless your circumstances force you. TRUST THE TRANSITION. GOD GOT YOU!

Wheeww ! Isn’t that the damn truth. I take this as God telling me , ” Cristal, that’s it ! It’s over , LET IT GO! I have a better plan for you. Wait on it.”  😊

Everything happens for a reason.

Life is full of lessons and blessings.

Accept it for what it is, move on, and live life.❤️

 

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