Dating as a grown up.

Ahhh dating. The beauty of meeting new people. Opening up yourself to being super shallow and swiping on tinder based on looks alone and bios that tell you nothing about who this person really is. Dating has always been fun to me but in a dysfunctional way.

Serial dating to me can become very addicting , time-consuming and if you aren’t careful , people can become objects real quick.

I was always a serial dater. If I dumped someone or if they dumped me , I moved on to the next with no hesitation. Jumping into the arms of the next man thinking that he would be the one to fix me. Hoping he will be the one to love me back to life. Hoping he would treat me different. But, every single time, I chose out of a clouded mind. A mind that was driven by the high of the unexpected.

And every single time, I still felt alone. I hid myself behind the bottle. I’m laughing , I’m having fun, I’m having sex , this is FUN. Meanwhile , I was dying inside. Praying for someone to love me even though I was a hot mess.

I soon realized it was time to chill. It was time to get my whole life together. It was time to face it all and heal. A never-ending process that can sometimes make you want to go back to being a savage. I don’t want to feel. I don’t want to care. Ohhhh.. but I do.

See, when you heal you can’t go back. It’s almost impossible to be the person you used to be. You know better. You grew up. You started to love you. You put in tears , endless talks and prayers. You put in the work to get to where you are . Why go back?

It’s not worth it.

What does this have to do with dating? A lot. When you heal, dating gets a tad bit harder. Why? You realize real quick how most people are hiding behind great careers , trips and happy hours. You realize that almost everyone is putting up a front online. You realize that behind those lavish trips and great Instagram pictures, these men are hurting.

I was always the woman who thought a man could change as long as I loved him enough. I made excuses for poor behavior and outbursts. I made excuses for him not being able to love me and show up as the man I needed him to be.

Healing puts an end to your low self-esteem. Healing shows you that a man is not supposed to be a project . Healing gives you your power back. Healing shows you that you don’t have to beg anyone to love you the way God created you to be loved. When you heal , you are a lot less tolerant to the things you used to put up with when you were full of insecurities and low self worth.

So where does that leave the woman who’s working on her recovery? The woman that is whole again? The woman that’s healed and ready to take over the world? That puts the ball in your court. It gives you the confidence to know who you are and what you know you deserve. You no longer settle just to have someone in your bed. You no longer make excuses for the unacceptable. You have standards. You respect yourself. You have boundaries. Most importantly, you continue to win.

You walk with grace and love. You pick up the next woman. You continue to grow. You go on dates. You meet people. You travel. You work on your career. You fix your credit. You pay off debt. You achieve goals. You live life on your terms. When you meet the one for you , you will know. It won’t be exhausting. It will be a love you’ve never experienced.

Be patient my friend. We all want to love and be loved. Don’t settle in the one area that matters the most in our human existence, LOVE.

Don’t give up.

As I sit here at my desk, on my laptop, listening to worship music, I can’t help but think….

My life has truly changed.

I never thought that I would have so much peace.

After getting sober in 2016 , my cousin passed away last year. I got hurt by “church” folks. I was depressed for the second half of the year. As much as I tried to get peace and joy , it was far from me.

I didn’t know what was going on. I was praying . I was going to church. I wanted to be happy. Where are you God? What’s going on? Why am I getting hurt by people, again?

I never stopped seeking God.

He restored me. I had to sit still. I had to stop trying so hard and just seek him in my vulnerability. I had to take a step back , see what God wanted me to do and not what Cristal wanted to do.

Often times, when things are going well , we seek God less. It’s almost like we think we don’t need God because life is good. I started this year seeking God and letting go of people that were not beneficial to my growth. Was it hard? Yes. But, my relationship with Christ is #1.

I know I have purpose. I know I have work to do for the kingdom. I know I can’t be distracted. I know that the friends that God has for me will push me towards greatness, not hold me back.

Sometimes you just have to sit still and think about how far God has brought you. I’m a different woman than I was in 2016. I just broke down in tears because I have PEACE. If God never gives me anything else, I will be okay with his PEACE. In this world, nothing matters to me more than my peace.

I’ve suffered. Alcoholism. Rape. Rejection. Abandonment. Heart break after break . Betrayals. Looking for a way out of darkness in everything but GOD. Looking for peace in a bottle and never found it. I looked for peace in a man and never found it. Filled up my life with friends and hangouts , still no peace. Peace can’t be found in anything but the creator of the universe. The creator of our souls. The one who breathed life into our nostrils. That’s where the peace is.

Everything starts to make sense. You now have purpose. You know you aren’t a mistake. Romans 8:28 makes so much sense now .

If you are going through a dark time, please don’t lose hope. Speak life and not death. Even if you don’t see a way out, speak the opposite. If you keep saying things won’t get better , they won’t. What you are going through right now is only temporary…

I promise. 💜🙏

Happy Monday!

Monday’s are often dreaded. Why?

Most likely because we aren’t living the lives that we are meant to live.

Everything in life has a purpose.

Your job is temporary.

You can always change it if you don’t like it .

You can always start a business.

You can change your life whenever you want.

I made a decision to stop letting “Monday” ruin my mood.

I’m alive and healthy.

I have my legs and arms.

I have a job that’s not stressful.

I have a family.

I have peace.

I have no drama in my life . ( Thank you Jesus!)

What does success look like to you?

Write it down and make a plan to get there.

Life is really what we make it.

Yes, it gets tough at times but that’s where we are made.

How can we appreciate how good life is if we never experience Hell first?

Peace is so much better when you know how easy it is for it to be taken from you.

Joy feels so much better when you know you weren’t always this joyful.

I appreciate my happiness a lot more because I know what it’s like to be depressed.

Life is a journey. The sooner we realize that, the sooner we can stop stressing over things that aren’t important.

It’s not a race. Slow down. Catch your breath. It’s all going to work out.

Enjoy your day . Crush MONDAY!

2 years ago.

I can’t even believe it’s already been 2 whole years . 2 years ago my heart was broken into a million pieces. I was up night after night trying to figure out what I did wrong. Night after night I was crying myself to sleep. Hanging out with other men thinking that would help me move on faster. It was the worst heartbreak I’ve ever experienced in my life. 

It was until one year ago that I decided to block him on everything. One year I had to choose ME. I couldn’t keep going back and forth. I couldn’t keep responding to him. I couldn’t keep entertaining him. I HAD TO LET GO 100%. I had to face the fact that I was never going to get the answers that I wanted. I was never going to get closure. I had to let it go. 

It was the hardest thing to do. I was hurt. I felt betrayed. I felt unworthy. Rejection hit me so hard that I had no idea how I was going to get through it…. 

2 years later I’M still alive. I made it through. I made it and I got sober AND I got closer to THE MOST HIGH GOD. Was it hard? YES!!!! Did I still think about him at times? Yes!!  The difference now is that I know that’s not the one for me. I know that God causes everything to work out for my good. 

I had to go through that experience. I had to get hurt like that. I had to learn the hard way. I put so much trust and faith in men. I was waiting for a man to save me. I thought once I got a man I would be good, life would be better. Haha. What a lie. A MAN DOES NOT COMPLETE YOU. Can a man add to your life? ABSOLUTELY. One hard lesson I had to learn was to complete myself. Be content with who I am as a human being. Be content with being alone. Be content and happy with myself before I go putting all that pressure on a person that can never ever complete me. Human beings are all flawed. We all are. No one is perfect. We will always disappoint one another. 

Heartbreaks are a part of life. We learn from them and move on. We learn how we messed up, how others messed us up, and , how we can become better after one of the worst experiences of our lives. Heartbreak is one of the reasons why people are so scared to love again. No one wants to deal with that pain. No one wants to feel like they weren’t good enough. Heartbreak or not, single or not , YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. 

Life is one big lesson. I’m grateful that emotionally and mentally I’m not where I was 2 years ago. I’m single and not dating. I’ve come a long way but I don’t think I’m ready to date anyone yet. I know when the time is right I will meet someone and he will be greater than what I’ve ever imagined. I’m finally realizing that it’s okay to be single. It’s okay to be alone. One of my biggest fears was to be alone, not anymore. I know I won’t be alone forever. I will enjoy this time of singleness. It’s a good time in my life and for that I’m grateful. I am grateful for the journey. I am grateful for everything I have been through, it made me the woman I am today . I couldn’t be any more proud of myself. God is amazing and without my faith I would of never made it through this. 

Don’t lose your faith. Don’t lose hope. Trust God. Enjoy the journey. The good, the bad, enjoy it all. You will get through it. 

Blessed.

At times, I catch myself complaining about things that don’t even matter. I woke up today, I’m breathing, I have a place to live, yet, I find myself being upset about not being where I want to be. I am constantly working on myself and I have made progress. I know I have to trust this process but it is tough at times, it’s life. I thank God for being where I am at right now. 

The one thing I battle with is that I will be 30 in July. By 30 I THOUGHT I would have everything together. I thought I would be married, living in a nice home, nice savings account, but, NOPE. That’s not my life. My life is healing, staying sober, growing spiritually, and taking things a day at a time. See, when I was growing up I didn’t know life can suck at times. I love it though! I am learning so much at 29. Do I wish I could have done things differently, sometimes. But, if I did, I may not know everything that I know now. I am constantly growing. I am connected to God like I have never been before. I know what I want out of life. I know what I want to do. I have so many things I want to do since I started seeking God. I have confidence, wisdom, and I understand a whole lot now! It’s almost like my eyes have been opened to endless possibilities. Most importantly, I have PURPOSE!

Most of my mistakes came from not knowing. I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t know what my purpose was. I didn’t know anything. I’m basically starting a new life at the age of 29. I have 2 more months left in my 20’s and I will go out with a BANG! Age is nothing but a number, we all have access to endless possibilities. Believe in YOU. I know how hard that can be at times, but, if you never believe in you, you may stay stuck in the same place. One day you will look up and see that you have wasted A LOT of time.

Start now. Heal. Forgive. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You matter. Work on your mental, physical, and spirituality. When you combine all 3 you will be unstoppable. God wants us to take care of ourselves so we can do his will. We all have a purpose within us, maybe you don’t know what it is yet, that’s okay, seek God. There is so much freedom in Christ and I am so thankful to be able to experience this. You too can experience this freedom, it’s there, you just have to accept it. God bless!

P.s. I currently have a friend that’s going through a rough time. I’m raising money to get her and her sister out of a hotel and into her own place. Anything would be greatly appreciated. Click on the link for more information. Thank you.

https://www.gofundme.com/a-friend-in-need-of-a-home

 

 

 

 

 

 

No, I can’t cut back on my drinking.

The stigma that comes with getting sober can be very overwhelming at times. Overwhelming because a lot of people do not understand you. In an era where unlimited information is at our fingertips some people still refuse to learn about something they know nothing about. Sobriety is a tough journey, you realize very fast that you might have to embark on this journey alone. People don’t really care. If you have people who genuinely care about your sobriety, are happy for you, celebrate your milestones with you, cherish it, because, not everyone is blessed to have individuals like that in their life.

I remember telling people I needed to get sober and almost everyone told me that I didn’t have a drinking problem, I just needed to cut back. The hardest thing about this is accepting the fact that your loved ones aren’t really listening to you and not taking your feelings into consideration. I tried to cut back like 10 times in 2016 alone until I finally got it right by cutting alcohol out of my life completely.

People have this misconception that in order for you to have a drinking problem you have to lose it all. According to tv, alcoholics lose their families, jobs, and homes. Those are very severe cases of alcoholism, but please do not belittle someone’s alcohol problem just because they seem to have it all together. I remember one friend of mine telling me that I didn’t have a problem. She told me that all I needed to do was cut back and  drink socially. I spoke to her about my drinking over and over again, and, she never took my feelings into consideration, constantly referring to other alcoholics and addicts that didn’t have much, telling me I wasn’t that bad. That was one friendship that I had to let go. What she didn’t see was that I was tired of living, I would get drunk and then go home and cry myself to sleep. I felt so useless, my life had no purpose, I lost hope. I didn’t see a way out. Yet, I had no one close to me that had my back. No one to tell me that it was going to be okay. It was one of the hardest moments, but, in that moment I realized that the only one I had to rely on was, God.

The other misconception about alcoholism is that you drink all day, every day.  Alcoholism doesn’t just come in extreme cases. You don’t have to be addicted to alcohol physically to have an alcohol problem. In 2015, I had an experience where my body was withdrawing. It was the scariest thing I’ve ever went through. I was throwing up, I couldn’t stop shaking, I was cold, but, I was sweating. My arms started going numb and that’s when I went to the ER. I thought that would be the last time I touched alcohol, but , NOPE. I kept drinking.

The hardest reality to accept is that you have an alcohol problem. People don’t grow up wanting to be alcoholics. It just happens. It’s not a truth that a lot of people are willing to accept. So much shame and guilt comes from losing control. Why do you think the first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem? Because, it is one of  the hardest things to do. No one wants to face that truth. It’s one of the hardest truths to accept, but, also one of the best if you are ready for a new life.

For the next year I tried cutting back. I tried to only drink socially. None of it worked. My finances were in shambles. I wasn’t paying my bills on time. I was depressed. Every time I would even think of cutting alcohol out I would panic and get anxiety. It was a scary process. A process a lot of people don’t see. People don’t see how bad you want to stop drinking and get your life together. People don’t see the fear that paralyzes you from taking that step. People don’t know that addictions can really have a stronghold on you, psychologically. It’s not about cutting back. It’s not about “not drinking”. It’s so much deeper than that. How can I just cut back when my whole life I depended on this one thing to get me through life? How can I cut back when I just buried all my problems and issues within the bottle? How can I cut back when the minute I stop drinking I have to face reality? The sole purpose of my drinking was to not face reality. IT’S NOT THAT SIMPLE.

No, I can’t just cut back.  So before you go and tell someone to “just cut back” , educate yourself on all aspects of addiction. If someone comes to you about a drinking problem, they trust you. They want your help. It takes A LOT for someone to ask for help, so please do not make them feel less than. 1 in 7 adults in America have a drinking problem. That’s A LOT.  You don’t have to live like this. There is freedom in Christ. I relapsed in 2014 after 10 months of  sobriety, I never thought I would be sober again. It was hard and it still gets tough, but, I keep going. You have to keep going.

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! Amazing things happen when you believe in yourself.

Happy 5 month Soberversary to me. 151 whole days without a drink!  #blessed