I’m currently going through a phase where I’m just pissed off and frustrated. This feeling comes and goes but it usually hits me more during the weekend when I realize how alone I am.
See, the thing is that I’ve been such a good friend to people for so many years. Whenever someone would call me , I’m there! If anyone needed to vent , cry , or just simply be in my presence I wouldn’t hesitate twice about showing up, whether it’s through the phone or in person I always showed up, no problem. After a while I started noticing that no one was really showing up for me. I would always be the one reaching out, unless they needed me for something then of course they would reach out and guess what? I show up.
I completely understand we are adults and everyone has their busy schedules which is cool, but let’s be serious no one is ever that busy. So I did an experiment, I told myself that from this point on I’m not reaching out to anyone. The reason for this was simply to see if my “friends” would reach out at all. Nope! Not even one. I just laughed out loud because I think it’s so crazy the way things work. I took it upon myself to cut ties and just let people go. I love all my so called friends and wish them the best in life but I just don’t want them in my life anymore. I promised myself to get rid of anyone that’s just around when it’s convenient for them. I don’t think any type of relationship you have should be a part time relationship.
When I think friends I think about a support system, genuine company , love , caring , and unselfishness. If you have friends that care about you and actually show it, don’t take them for granted. Appreciate your friends. Friends are one of the best relationships we experience in our lives. Great friends make the world go round. Those are the ones we share all our little secrets with, the ones that motivate us when we want to give up, the ones that wipe our tears when our heart is shattered, the ones that go above and beyond to show you just how special of a human being you are, those are your friends, cherish them.
Friends don’t only hit you up when they are bored. Friends don’t reach out only when they break up with their boyfriend. Friends don’t just gossip about people. Friends aren’t jealous of you. Friends don’t talk about you. They don’t judge you. I’m pretty sure we all know what a good healthy friendship is, and friendships definitely don’t drain you.
One thing I did notice about my friendships is that most of them were living dysfunctional lives. Most of them were surrounded or were in unhealthy relationships. When you are in a toxic relationship you will soon become toxic as well. No way around it. Energy is very real and toxicity is so easily transferred. I’m a firm believer in the whole “you are who you surround yourself with” thing. It took me a while to realize it but when I did, I knew I had to fall back. I don’t know anyone that’s in a healthy relationship with a man. That’s sad. When you see so much dysfunction and you deal with a man that’s not good for you , it seems okay because everyone around you is in a messed up situation, so you deal with it because you think it’s okay. It’s not!
I do believe that the more you hang out with negativity the more you are prone to it. I’m no saint, I did my dirt , I’m a grown woman that made a lot of messed up choices in life but I’ve learned. I want to be better and live a happy fulfilling life. The relationships you have in your life have a lot to do with that. I’ve been in very dark places in my life and my happiness is my #1 priority. When humans are happy everything else just flows. We are what we attract. I just want to be a better human being, take care of myself, help others, and look good doing it.
Life takes us in so many directions, sometimes we try to figure out why, but we get nowhere. I’m learning to enjoy the journey, enjoy my own company , work on myself daily, stop stressing over things I cannot control and just be happy in my current situation. Sometimes I cry, some days I’m extremely happy for no reason, I appreciate it all. I’m a very emotional person and I’m okay with that. I always tried to hide it because I thought it would make me seem weak but nope , this is me, I’m not hiding who I am, for anyone. We live in a world where everything is image, you have to be perfect, have a perfect selfie , body, relationship, marriage, career , kids , house, etc.
Do whatever you want to do as long as it makes you happy. That’s what I’ve learned the hard way, I have to live my life the way I want to, doing what makes me happy, on my terms. I’ve learned to put myself first, and even though I get lonely at times, I absolutely love the sense of peace that I feel. No drama, just me and the world. Living on my terms. Going after my dreams with no hesitation. Finding peace and happiness in the simplest things. This is what life is about. Don’t make it complicated , we all know what’s good for us. The hardest part is taking that first step. Not everyone can be a part of my growth and I’m okay with that. I went to sleep moody and woke up moody, writing this post turned it around. I have to accept everything for what it is and be okay with that.
I love writing, it’s so therapeutic.
HAPPY SATURDAY, folks.
Have a great weekend!!!