Dear Ex,

breakup3-800x400

I never thought I would be saying this, but,  you’ve taught me a lot about myself and relationships. At one point, I regretted getting involved with you. I never thought we would have ended the way we did, my heart was full of hate, every time your name was brought up I bad mouthed you and the only thing that came out of my mouth was pure hate towards you. In order for me to move on I knew I had to let the hurt go. I worked on it. I never thought I would see the day where I would be okay without you in my life, those days are here. I don’t get mad when you cross my mind anymore, I just smile. I smile because we shared a lot of great moments together. I smile because even though you were horrible to me, at one point you were great.

Thank you for the good times, the laughs, the deep convos , and everything that brought us together. See, it would take a lot for me to hate you forever, I’m not that person. I love hard and I will always love everyone that I once loved. I’m not in love with you anymore but I’ll always love you for making me smile at one point in my life.

With this breakup came so many lessons!! See, I never ever got my heart shattered this way before. Yes, I’ve had relationships in the past, but none of them ended on bad terms the way this one did. This relationship was just different, I felt like I had something to prove , I tried to show you my worth, you made me feel like I wasn’t worthy of your love. I was never insecure, that all changed when I dealt with you. On top of the manipulation and the mind games that I’ve never experienced before, I can honestly say that I am glad we happened.

You taught me to be me regardless of what anyone thinks because it didn’t matter what I changed, it still wasn’t good enough for you. I dyed my hair so you would find me more attractive, I tried to lose more weight so you wouldn’t leave , I started getting my nails done for you because you suggested it. You still left me.

I tried to do everything to please you that I totally forgot about pleasing my damn self! I realized that it doesn’t matter how great you look or how much you do for a man because at the end of the day if he doesn’t want you then he doesn’t want you. You taught me to always put me first and if someone doesn’t like me for who I truly am, DEUCES!

The most important thing that you’ve taught me that I will forever be thankful for is something that I’ve never accepted before.

I can’t change anyone. 

I always believed I was awesome, I have this huge heart where I want to save everyone. I hate to see people suffering, it really breaks my heart when I see someone hurting. I always did my best to show you that I was there for you , I went above and beyond to show you how much you were loved. It still wasn’t enough.

I tried to save you. 

I tried to change you. 

I didn’t want to accept who you truly were. 

I fell in love with your potential, not you. 

 I tried so hard to heal your wounds, tried so hard to help you change. None of it worked. This was a huge eye opener for me because I always thought with a great woman by your side, you would change. I thought wrong. You could meet a million great women and none of them would be enough for you.

Thank you for teaching me some of the best lessons about relationships.

Thank you for hurting me.

Thank you for being you.

Thank you for leaving me.

See, if none of this ever happened I would have never realized that my worth was based on having a man. I wanted a relationship so bad that I didn’t even care how bad you were to me, as long as I had a man. We were both looking for something in each other that we never even had. It didn’t matter how much you tried to make me happy, it would have never been enough. I was never happy with myself.

I never put me first.

 I never took care of Cristal.

I tried to be there for everyone, except myself.

I tried to save everyone, but myself.

It’s time to  save Cristal. 

Thank you for everything. All the tears and sleepless nights of me questioning my worth were all worth it at the end. I thought I wasn’t good enough for you but in reality you’re the one that wasn’t good enough for me. I will never forget you, you made me realize a lot about myself and we shared some great moments, I will always be grateful for that.  I hope you find whatever you were looking for in me, in yourself.

Take care.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Dear Ex,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s