I woke up this morning in tears.
I’m tired of losing and gaining.
I’m tired of failing over and over .
I’m tired of losing a couple of lbs and then binging.
I’m tired of not having control over food.
It’s FOOD!! Not drugs. Not alcohol. Not sex .
They tell me to just stop eating junk and work out.
They make it sound so easy.
The acts themselves are easy. But, you know what’s easier?
Not being disciplined.
Eating whatever you want because it’s been a bad day.
Making excuses for indulging in sweets because at least it’s not ALCOHOL.
Addiction sucks. The same behaviors that drive alcohol and drug addiction are the same behaviors that drive food addiction.
I never wanted to accept it. I never wanted to accept that I have a food problem. I was in denial.
After all, i deserve this treat!
I deserve to go out with my friends.
I deserve to have that soda.
I deserve to bake myself a cake.
I deserve it.
You know what I also deserve?
I deserve to be healthy.
I deserve to take care of my body.
I deserve to stop running.
I deserve to have a better life.
I don’t have to live like this.
I don’t have to keep going back and forth.
I don’t have to keep failing .
I don’t have to keep telling myself ” just one more time “
Why can’t I use the same energy that I used to beat alcohol addiction to beat food addiction?
I can and I will.
I know I can do this.
It’s about changing my mindset.
I want to live long.
I want to run without anything hurting.
I’m tired of being out of breath.
I’m tired of my feet hurting.
I’m tired of my hair falling out.
I never wanted to accept that I might actually REALLY have an addiction problem. But .. I do.
Its time to stop running.
It’s time to be real.
It’s time to change for good.
It’s time to face my emotions.
It’s time to do the work.
After all, if I don’t do it, I will spend the rest of my life complaining about something that I can change.
I CAN CHANGE THIS.
I WILL CHANGE THIS.
I don’t care how many tears I cry, I will conquer this battle .
The same God that set me free from alcohol is the same God that will set me free from food .
I AM WORTHY💕🙏