Lord, I need you.

 

It’s so easy to get caught up. It’s so easy to go against God’s will for your life. Choosing to live for Christ has to be one of the toughest things I have ever done. This is about my soul. I don’t believe in Jesus because I want to be blessed. I don’t believe in the Christian faith because I want to love everybody and be at peace. That’s not it. Jesus calls us to pick up the cross and follow him. I have no idea when all this turned into self-help, but the Gospel is not that. This is not about bringing world peace. The cross divides, no way around it. This is about being selfless, not selfish. NOT EASY. 

When I look at the things that I say or do, I shock myself. I need Jesus. With him, I kinda have it together a couple of days out of the week, and, without him I’m a hot mess. I need God every second of the day. It’s easy for me to get impatient and do my own thing. “God, why are you taking so long to make this happen?” We often want God to do things now, which leads us to forget about what God is trying to teach us in this season. Even though I say God has set me free from the hurts of my past , if I don’t cling to Jesus, I go right back to that desperate girl who wants attention from any guy she can get it from. I’m tired of being single. I also want to have sex. I also want to be married. I also want to do God’s will , but, sometimes I don’t. This is real life.

Sometimes I want to throw in the towel. When I think about the world we live in and the pain that I go through, the pain that others go through, WHAT IS THE POINT? Sometimes, I want to go to the nearest liquor store and just forget about everything for a couple of hours. My life didn’t get easier, it got harder. So why do I still choose Christ? Because I’ve experienced him. Even though I fail him daily, I can’t ever go back. Even though, I haven’t conquered my issues with lust, I still seek him. I have no other option. What’s the other option? Going back to the world? NO, THANK YOU. We live in a sex crazed world with no rules. Everything we do is to the max and deal with the consequences later. When I am weak he is strong. Even though I still fail him, he does not give up on me.

I usually get caught up in being perfect. I feel like I need to have it all together to preach the gospel. How can I preach the gospel when I just watched porn? how can I preach the gospel when I’m quick to anger and not think about what I say? Sin separates us from God. Instead of me getting closer to the Lord when I mess up, I distance myself. I lose confidence. I start questioning who I am. I’m too dirty, I’m too messy, God is not happy with me right now. We make so many excuses, when in reality our father never leaves us. He wants us to turn from our ways. He wants us to grow in him. Is it hard? As long as we are in this flesh it will be hard. We all struggle with different things. No one is perfect, not even your pastor.

Lord, help me see myself the way you see me.

Lord, I need you. I need you because sometimes I want to do wrong even though I do love you. I want to get closer to you. I want to grow in you. I want to get back to that secret place. That place of perfect peace. That place of trusting you whole heartedly. That place of asking myself , ” is this pleasing to my Father?”. Lord, I need you EVERY SINGLE DAY. I turn from my ungodly ways and I trust you to give me the strength to keep my eyes on you and not what satisfies my flesh.