love.

 

Beginnings are always good. New joy. New butterflies. New adventures. New jokes. New traditions. New experiences. Most importantly, new love.

Loving your neighbor is a blessing. Having a partner in your life that can love you is also a blessing. When I think about the relationship I desire to have one day, I can’t wait. I can’t wait to share new experiences. I can’t wait to experience love at this level of growth. A healthy love. A love I’ve never experienced.

I can be sad. I can get impatient. I can get frustrated. But, I don’t feel any of that. I’m not a broken woman anymore. I have loved. I know my worth. I know what I want.

I often think about where he is right now. Where is the man who I will spend the rest of my life with? Where is the one that will show me a love that I have never experienced before. Where is he? I don’t know , but, God does.

If for whatever reason I don’t love again or it just happens to take a little longer than I’ve expected, I know that I have loved. It might have been broken, dysfunctional , and not one relationship may have lasted more than 2 years, but… I loved. I laughed until my stomach hurt. I learned. I cried. I grew. I had someone care about me. I had someone willing. I experienced love with someone who was trying to figure out life just like me. We hurt each other in the midst of it all. But, we were both humans seeking the same thing, LOVE. The one thing we were both seeking was the one thing we could not give. what a sad and beautiful story.

I look at love different ever since I’ve grown as a woman. I’m not mad anymore. How can I be mad at someone who didn’t know how to love when I didn’t either? Lives led by addiction and lusts. We did the best we could. In a world that constantly tells you to be in a relationship, they don’t tell you everything that comes with it, especially if you have emotional, mental, and spiritual baggage.  Love is the most beautiful thing in the world. After all, Love is what saved the world.

It’s so easy to walk away. It’s so easy to break it off. It’s so easy to get into a new one. But, one thing that I can say is that if you have a willing partner, don’t give up on love. Unless its super toxic, dysfunctional and broken, breathe life into it. Love heals. Love restores. Love grows.

It’s better to have loved than to not love at all. Love makes the world go round. It’s the one thing that connects all of human kind. Love is the one thing we all want. Love hard. Out do one another in love. Serve one another. Be a team. Work together. Grow together.

Know your worth. Respect yourself. LoVe God. Love yourself. Love others.

Every story doesn’t end the same.

BUT..

Every story matters.

 

Church girl.

It almost seems like unless you’re married the church has nothing to say to you. They don’t tell you how to thrive in your single season. They don’t tap into those broken parts of you that need healing in order for you to be a good wife/mother. It feels like you’re overlooked most times because you’re single.

Reality check. Single people have problems too.

I’m honestly sad at the fact that so many women love God but are so broken. They want to walk in Gods will, they want to thrive in life , but have no idea how. How have you been in church your whole life and healing hasn’t touched you? Did we honestly just tell people not to have sex until marriage , love God with all your heart and everything is going to be okay? I’m so confused.

I honestly don’t know what’s going on in churches but I know what’s not going on…. healing.

Jesus Christ did not die on the cross for you just for you to go to heaven. He died so you can live a life full of freedom here on earth, too. How Do we have access to freedom but choose bondage? Easy. We don’t know any better. All we know is bondage, it’s comfortable… so we stay.

Single people are broken. Married people are broken. We have to stop telling people to just pray. Yes, God delivers through prayer . But , we have to stop being lazy. When do we actually disciple people out of bondage? When do we step up and show people how to thrive in God? How do we preach bible and follow it up with action? How do we heal from our past? How do women forgive their rapist? How does a woman forgive the parent that abandoned her? How does a woman thrive when all she knows is pain? I’m honestly tired of seeing so many Christians stuck. The same power that rose Jesus Christ from the dead lives within us , yet , we don’t own that truth.

Church girl. I see you. I hear you. I get your pain.

I know you feel alone. I know you wish you had someone to talk to . I know you want to be free.

I know you’re tired of being single . I know your marriage isn’t what you thought it would be. I know you feel misunderstood. I know it’s hard. I feel your pain.

Nothing is wrong with you because you’re still single. You are still fearfully and wonderfully made. You are not a failure because you got divorced. You are not any less than because you don’t have a child. You are a good mom even if you lose your patience. God loves you like crazy and it’s okay not to be okay. I know you’re frustrated, but, you are not alone. God hears you! Keep reaching out to him, cry out to him! Find at least one woman you can confide in that can pray for you and give you wise counsel.

Church girl, you are the daughter of a King. Before he formed you , he knew you. Ask God to help you forgive the ones that hurt you. Ask God to reveal the parts of you that need healing. Cry ! There’s a healing that only comes from crying. Clean out your soul so you can walk in freedom. YOU DESERVE IT!!!

Jesus didn’t come to judge the world but to save the world!

I pray that we can all be open and transparent in our church homes. I pray that God changes the heart of his people . I pray that we love one another even when we share our deepest secrets, hurts, and experiences. I pray that no matter what , we love our brothers and sisters unconditionally, not only in encouragement but in action as well .♥️✝️

How do you know he’s the one?

I’ve been getting my heart broken by men my entire life. How do I know if he’s the right one or if he’s just like the ones in the past? Everyone is always on their best behavior in the beginning , that’s the scary part. I’m far from perfect and I will never reach perfection, but , one thing I can say is that I try my best to better myself every single day.

I know the love we see in movies doesn’t exist. I know that marriage is hard work. I know I’m not always going to have butterflies in my stomach. I know that things will get real , but who’s worth all of that? Who’s worth fighting for ? Who’s worth choosing to love every single day despite their ugly side?

I know a part of me is afraid of commitment. A part of me is holding back love. A part of me doesn’t want to get close to anyone. A part of me is okay with being single. But, is this what I really want? Forever? Absolutely not. I do want someone I can do life with , but , when I think of the possibility of experiencing another heartbreak, I want to run the other way. Life is hard enough as it is. The last thing I need is a bad relationship.

I’m a lot more cautious now a days than I was before . That can be a good or bad thing. I over analyze everything, and I paint this picture in my head of the perfect man. How can I set such high expectations for a man when I myself am not the most perfect woman in the world?

30 is a tricky age. You’re old enough to know better . You’re old enough to not commit the same mistakes over and over. But, you’re also old enough to be very comfortable with being single. You get comfortable with doing life alone. I don’t have to ask anyone to book a trip. I don’t have to ask anyone to do anything , I’m 30! 😂

But who really wants to be alone? Nobody. We all want to be loved. We all want to be catered to. We all want to be appreciated. I rather love than not love at all. Relationships will never be perfect and that’s okay. Even if I love again and get hurt again, at least I loved once more. I will not let fear stop me from experiencing anything that’s good for me. Love is a beautiful thing. My past doesn’t define me. Life is all about experiences. Learning and growing.

I don’t know what’s next for me, but God does.

The pressures of being 30 and single.

I’m not even going to lie! This ish is hard!!!!!! Some days I’m this wildly confident woman that’s super excited about not having a family to look after, other days I just want to lay in bed and not face the world. I want a husband and I want like 5 kids. I know I’m blessed . I know I have nothing but time on my hands to really enjoy the heck out of life and do WHATEVER I WANT . I know. That still doesn’t take away from the fact that I want my own family.

I’m really not going to beat myself up over this. I’m going to rant today and keep it moving. Today, I’m feeling like, ” what’s wrong with me?”. Why doesn’t anybody want to be with me? Why is it so damn hard to find a man these days? Am I the only one struggling here? Help a sista out! Let me know how you are surviving your 30’s being single.

I know when I have these moments I can get real desperate, I don’t want to choose the wrong man out of desperation! I want the one that’s going to be my partner in life. The one I can laugh with. The one I can feel secure with. The one that will be a good father to my children. The one that doesn’t put work before family. The one that prays over his home. The one that genuinely wants to love and protect his wife and kids.

I’m very aware that I still have to grow within myself. So maybe this alone time is exactly where I need to be right now. Is it tough at times? Absolutely. Everyone says trust God , but to be honest , I’m not really trying to hear that from all the married folks. Thanks , but no thanks! I still love y’all tho! ❤️

Honestly. Sometimes I just want a distraction from myself. Rediscovering yourself and making your life exactly what you want it to be can be fun , but it can also be very hard. Healing is hard. It’s so easy to go back to what you’re comfortable with. I want to give up like allllll the time. But , I know I can’t. I have to keep going , even when it gets tough. My relationship status doesn’t define me. I’m still worthy and I’m still amazing . Most importantly, I can put allll the attention on myself and helping others in this season. I know I have to grow in certain areas, I will focus on that for now. Life is one big rollercoaster. I want to drop everything and move to Hawaii , but I’m not . I have things to do on this earth to make it a better place.

As they say in AA, one day at a time.

The forgotten single one.

 

I’m tired of keeping my mouth shut. I’m tired of letting people come in and out my life whenever they want. I’m tired of being told ” you just don’t get it “. I’m simply just tired of being so kind and nice to you while you ignore my existence. Let’s talk about it.

Listen,  friends and family members that are married or in relationships,

” US SINGLE FOLKS STILL WANT TO BE A PART OF YOUR LIFE “.

I still want to get invited over. I still want to hang out. I still want to see the kids and be a part of their life. I don’t care how much your life has changed,

I STILL WANT TO BE A PART OF IT .

Us single folks have to be soooo understanding. We have to understand that your life changed. We have to understand that you are busy now. We have to understand that your family comes first and we come second. We have to understand that if you don’t hit us up in weeks or even months, WE HAVE TO BE OKAY WITH IT, because of course.. you’re the busy one with “real life” problems while us single folks take trips to Cabo and live it up!

*side eye*

Why don’t you try to understand us for once?

Life is not easier because we are single. We may not have the same problems but if you are a human being , LIFE IS HARD. simple. My problems aren’t any less valid because I don’t have anyone else to include in my mess.My problems aren’t any less valid because I don’t have children. Being an adult is hard, it’s not easy for anyone, regardless of what side you are on. At the end of the day, we are all trying to figure this life thing out.

Stop pushing people to the side because y’all don’t have things in common. Okay , you’re in a relationship, not in prison. *breathe* We can all help one another. Humans weren’t put here to live life secluded. We are here to help one another. We are here to learn from one another. I am the first to say that sometimes I need a little help when it comes to this life thing. People are truly a blessing. I think we tend to forget how important and special people are. I understand that life gets busy , but that’s not an excuse. We are getting more desensitized than ever. You keeping up with me on social media is not you checking up on me or knowing how I am truly doing.

I just want to challenge people to pick up the phone. Call your single friends. Check on them. Ask them how they are feeling. Ask them if they want to come over. It does not take much, just make an effort. That’s all we care about. We are often there for you, helping you in any way we can.We are the ones always calling. We don’t mind helping . We know you are over-whelmed at times. We know life is hectic. That’s why we have each other. Married people are important. Single people are important. One isn’t better than the other.

Neither of us have life figured out..if we are being honest.

 

 

 

 

The crazy girl.

 

 

One of the most empowering things you can do as a woman is walk away from someone who makes you act CRAZYYY! I’m talking about I want to kill you and slash your tires kind of crazy. The kind of crazy that gets you so out of character that you don’t even know who you are. That moment for me was when I asked my friend to drive me to his house so I can destroy his vehicle.

See, sometimes we need friends that will hold us down, but, then again we also need friends that will tell us when we’ve gone just a little too far. Even though we don’t speak anymore, thanks homegirl! Thank you for not taking me to destroy his whip, you probably saved me from jail time.

My last relationship really sealed it for me. I’ve always been a little crazy, but, this one was way over the top. I wanted this man to see my worth so bad that I completely lost myself in the process. This man used me time and time again, and time and time again I was trying to prove my worth to him. I reached one of the lowest points in my life. Stalking social media accounts, checking his phone, playing mind games, and trying to manipulate the situation so he can chase after me. I even went as far as getting a new look so he can come running back. Pathetic!!! I mean, he did come back. But, it wasn’t long before he started acting up again and I started losing it.

I learned one valuable lesson here, DON’T EVER GIVE A MAN THAT MUCH POWER. Manipulative and mentally unstable men know when a woman is a good easy target. Narcissist know who to choose. Addicts know who to choose. You know what can save you from all this? STOP TRYING TO SAVE A MAN. I don’t care how horrible his up bringing was, don’t let him treat you like trash.

As women we need to understand that some things are just not worth it. Understand, YOU SHOULD NEVER COMPROMISE YOUR SANITY. Women who are insecure and broken think they can love a man back to wholeness. REALITY CHECK, YOU CAN’T! I know this may be a little harsh but I’m just keeping it real. Women are unstoppable when they are whole.

Life is full of lessons. Don’t let loneliness be the reason why you stay in the arms of the wrong one. Focus on becoming whole so you can live a fulfilling life. If you aren’t whole you will never be happy with a man, no matter how great he is.

Ladies, I love you. Put your foot down and do not let anyone walk all over you. You were created to be loved , respected and cherished. Don’t you want that? Don’t you want a man who doesn’t make you wonder if you are the only one? Don’t you want someone who will SHOW you they love you? A man who will move mountains just to make sure you are okay? Don’t block your own blessings. Let go of everything that is hindering you and make room for the things that are truly meant for you.