Broken life.

Everyone tells you sin is bad for you. Repent for the kingdom of God is at hand. Since we were kids, that’s all that has been embedded in our brains. we grow up feeling like there has to be more, because if I’m being honest , sin feels so damn good when you’re broken hearted.

Sin feels good when life is hard.

Sin feels good when you feel alone.

Sin feels good when you no longer find peace in the God you once fell in love with.

The pain is too much. I just want to be numb. I’m tired of feeling.

Lord I love you but I’m tired. As tears roll down my face, all I can think about was the adulterous woman and how Jesus said “ let him without sin cast the first stone” . I caught myself full of shame. Why is it that we are so quick to talk about people that fall? When the Bible calls us to restore people back to The FATHER. Why do we take the easy way out and just leave people alone. The one in shame and condemnation gets consumed with thoughts like …

How can I? Why do I want Whats bad for me instead of what the Holy Spirit has in store for me? Is what I believe in even real? Is this walk even worth it ? It’s too painful. People don’t really care about your pain. Everyone keeps telling me that God loves me , there’s grace for that. But we already know this, what we so badly crave is RESTORATION.

See, sin is just a cover up. Sin is anything that takes you away from God. God never distances himself from us but Jesus said , abide in me and I will abide in you. Jesus already did everything he needed to do. The rest is up to us. Laying our life down and picking up the cross that Christ calls each and every one of us to carry. The only way out of sin is purpose. The only way out of sin is to die to your WHOLE LIFE .

We think we can die in one area but not the other. If you’re trapped in a sin cycle , it’s not that you don’t love God , it might just be that you are holding on to something that the Lord is calling you to give to him.

I trusted God to deliver me from addiction to alcohol, depression and suicide thoughts, but I can’t trust him to make we a wife and a mother?

As a woman I desire to be a wife . As a woman I desire to be a mother. But I’m doing it all in my own strength. I’m choosing the same type of men again. Im leading with my body , instead of letting the spirit lead. He feels good to my body , but he’s not good for my spirit.

This man is killing my spirit but it’s the one I crave. I’m consumed by the desires of the flesh. I don’t trust God enough to take a break from dating so he can do what only he can do in me and through me . It’s only in the mighty power of Jesus Christ that we can be restored back to Gods original design.

Sin is not worth it. I know you feel like this is the only man you can get. I know you feel like what if it doesn’t happen for me? I know you feel like well This is the only love I’ve experienced so maybe this is all I can get.

Listen to me sister in Christ . I am you and you are me . We are in this together. There is no condemnation in those who are in Christ Jesus.

I’m sharing this in hope that you will allow God to breathe life in you again. You are not who you are when you act out because of pain. Because guess what? YOU ARE STILL CHOSEN AND GOD STILL WANTS TO USE YOU FOR HIS GLORY!!!!

It’s time for the women of God to get out of their own way and give up the things that are killing them. IF ITS KILLING YOU, ITS NOT OF GOD!!!

Come out from among them and be ye separate. Somewhere along the way you kept giving in to your flesh and now you feel so far away from God. Just come back home, he’s waiting.

Come back home. ❤️🙏

Grace yourself .

Extend grace.

Hurt people, hurt people.

Forgiveness is for you, not them.

We all fall short of the glory of God.

When we hear messages on forgiveness and grace , we always talk about others.

TODAY, I want to talk about giving yourself grace!

Why is it so much easier to extend grace?

Deep down, I don’t think most of us really extend grace. How can you extend grace when you’re having a difficult time receiving it for yourself?

How do you know you’re having a hard time accepting Gods grace? YOU JUDGE YOURSELF WAY TOO MUCH. YOU ARE WAY TOO HARD ON YOURSELF!!

Do you not know that GRACE IS FREELY GIVEN?

Nothing you do can ever seperate you from the Lord! So instead of repenting and returning back to the Father, we bask in our mess. Do you not know that when God created you he factored in the things you can’t stand about you?

God is so faithful that he knows the exact thing or things that will keep you close to him. That thorn in the flesh is what keeps bringing you to your knees.

I catch myself slipping away , asking God, why this and why that? Why does it have to be like this ? Why can’t you just change it ? Why can’t it look different?

Can you trust me? Can you REALLY TRUST ME?

I know you believe in me , BUT , CAN YOU TRUST ME?

Stop being so hard on yourself . I STILL DIED FOR YOU! I Died for your flawed self , not the perfect you. MY Grace is sufficient , ACCEPT IT!

The thing about grace is that it’s UNBELIEVABLE!

Like, can it really be that easy? You’re telling me that I don’t have to do anything to be loved and reveived by the creator of the WHOLE WORLD??????

See, when you know who created you and why Jesus died on the cross , YOU RECEIVE THE GRACE . In receiving that grace , your life changes. It changes because you know it’s not about you.

In an overly self observed culture , the gospel is the complete opposite. I can’t rely on myself, I NEED A SAVIOR. When you come to the realization of how bad you actually need a savior, receiving grace becomes a lot easier.

Once you receive it , you can be kind to yourself and others . We are all jacked up , it’s how we continue to grow in Christ that matters.

Who cares if you messed up, come back to the Father. Before he formed you he knew you.

Fear of greatness !

Why do we fear being great?

We don’t really say we don’t want to be great, but, our actions say otherwise. Or maybe the words we speak to ourselves say so. Or maybe even the thoughts no one else knows of say so.

Have you ever caught yourself saying ,

Who am I kidding?

I can’t do that .

Who do I think I am?

That can’t happen for me.

Let me stop dreaming and get back to reality.

Can it be that you really do fear being great? How can we fear being great you might say, easy. We stop ourselves before we even begin.

WE KNOW WHAT WE HAVE TO DO TO BE GREAT.

WE KNOW WHAT WE HAVE TO DO TO BE AT PEACE MENTALLY , SPIRITUALLY, and EMOTIONALLy.

WE KNOW! the problem is that most of us procrastinate and make excuses. We make excuses because it’s hard to rewire your brain. You have to make an effort to retrain your mind. For 30 years you thought one way , so now that you want to change you’re faced with A LOT of resistance . Why? Your brain is used to doing things one way.

We don’t think to walk, drive , eat, make excuses , gossip, pick up our phones, type , text, talk, go to work, we just do it.

We don’t think about habits we already put in place to protect us from pain. If I don’t want to have a confrontation, I ignore the person. If I don’t want to feel, I get a drink or go have sex . These are habits we pick up along the way. This is everything we have to unlearn.

We all want to be great. We all want to produce fruit. But do we really want to pay the cost?

That’s the question.

If we truly get real with ourselves , we will find out that most of us are scared of being great. Being great requires a different you! The you now and the GREAT you is not the same person, THAT IS WHAT WE FEAR.

We fear changing . We fear a different language . We fear a different thought process. We fear a workout regimen . We fear getting up early . We fear greatness because we’ve never done it !

I want to encourage you tonight, to do it scared!

You have everything that it takes because Jesus Christ lives on the inside of you! Greater is he that is in you than he that’s in the world!!

Do it until the fear goes away, because IT WILL.

Kobe Bryant .

The whole world is mourning the death of a basketball legend.

You know what I see?

I see a man that gave it his all.

I see a man that conquered a lot in 41 years.

41 years is not old.

You’ve only been an adult for 23 years.

In 23 years this man showed us what it truly means to work hard.

Kobe showed us to show up even when you don’t feel like it .

Kobe showed us what discipline looks like.

One time he said , if you aren’t here to win then what are we playing for ?

Y’all, that’s a whole sermon right there!

Sometimes , I feel like we walk around like zombies. We walk around in our pain. We own our baggage. We keep our emotional baggage because it’s safe. It’s all we know. We hold on to grudges. We hold on to bitterness. We hold on to anger. We hold on to toxic. We hold on because at least we know what we have . Letting go means you’re opening up to the unknown. Faith is literally walking out and saying if God is for me who can be against me. I don’t know where I’m going but God you got me, lead me.

Oh Lord, May you give us the strength to just let it all go and put you first. To give life our best shot . We don’t know when it’s our time. We assume we will live long. We live like we have all the time in the world , but , life is but a vapor. Here today , gone tomorrow .

I celebrate the man that Kobe was. I celebrate his legacy. I celebrate his hard work and dedication. I celebrate his commitment. I celebrate him for being an example. I celebrate him for being more than a basketball player. I celebrate him for retiring and still making an impact on people instead of checking out and chillen on a yacht. I celebrate him for showing us that when you love what you do , you make no excuses. You get it done. You do it with all you have.

Will you keep making excuses?

Or , will you finally stay committed to that thing even when you don’t ” feel ” like it?

Someone somewhere needs your story. Your wisdom. Your boldness. Your strength. Your commitment. Your example.

Let’s take the focus off of us and focus on ,

How can I do my part and make this world better ?

Do the one thing.

Things may not get easier , but , you will get stronger.

Your situation may be the same, but, your perspective may be different.

So many things are tugging at our hearts.

Whether it be family, school, work, social media, tv , gossip blogs, etc ; something is always pulling at our hearts. So many things and people want our attention.

We log on to social media day after day, minute after minute , only to see the same posts over and over.

Can I challenge you tonight?

Can I challenge you to log off?

Can I challenge you to pray instead?

Can I challenge you to go before God in prayer and ask him to reveal what’s been taking his place in your heart?

Can I challenge you to let go of the things that really don’t matter and pursue all the things that do?

Can I challenge you to stop settling for regular , kick fear in the face and flourish?

Can I challenge you to just be vulnerable for a second?

Can I challenge you to just drop the mask and really deal with you?

Y’all.. I know life is calling. I know it’s easier to run away from the reality of your life and into the distractions of this world.

I know how easy it is to run, but you know what happens when I run?

I get irritable. I get anxious. I get annoyed. I get frustrated. I get angry. I’m quick to lash out. Wanna know why?

Because I’m running in the wrong direction. I’m frustrated because I know I need to do something, but, fear has me saying NO! It’s a never ending cycle of frustration. I suffer and the people around me suffer .

You know what kills those feelings? Doing what you know you have to do. You know those things that we feel in our belly. Those things that make you cringe because you just ain’t got time for it right now . Those things that just seem way too difficult, yeah, THAT.

Just start. I’m talking to you and me . I know girl. I know it’s tough. I know you’re confused. I know you don’t know how it’s going to happen. You know what I do know?

That when God created the world he spoke to it. Step by step. He didn’t just say ” EARTH DO YOUR THING ” . He spoke to it and it obeyed. Everything came into alignment after he spoke. What is God saying to you tonight? Are you willing to just do that. Just do the one thing you know you have to do. Start there .

God bless you! You’re not alone 💕

Antidepressants?

I remember being in the psych ward in 2015.

I was so over life.

I lost hope.

I started thinking about ways to just end it all.

I saw no point in living.

If I was created to work, pay bills , and do the same thing over and over again until I die , I wanted no parts.

I kept drinking to numb the pain. I kept dating randoms to ease the pain. I used sex to numb the pain. I didn’t know why I was still alive. All I knew was that these reckless activities made life worth living at the moment. As long as I had a man, I was good. As long as I was drinking, I was good. As long as I was having sex, I was good.

My experience at the hospital wasn’t what I thought it would be. I thought they would help me. I thought they would really care. I thought that they would talk to me to help me get to the core issue of why I was so damn depressed.

But .. no.

I was given antidepressants.

Being around other patients made me want to stay around those that were like me. I didn’t want to leave the hospital because it was safe. Nothing bad could happen. I didn’t have to worry about how my life was in shambles because I didn’t have to deal with life. It was almost like I made an exit to this peaceful place where you go to bed early, take your meds, watch tv and color. But is that really living? Nope.

I was out of there in 3 days. Here’s why. I lied.

I told them I was no longer suicidal. They set up appointments for me to go to an outpatient alcohol program and to go see a psychologist, plus a prescription to continue antidepressants. That’s it. Guess what? I went to neither and I never got my meds. At that point I knew I couldn’t trust the system to help me.

I don’t believe we get depressed or anxious for no reason. I don’t believe in chemical imbalances because that can be altered by life experience, exercise, purpose and healing. So , is it REALLY a chemical imbalance or are we just too lazy to REALLY help people with their problem?

A part of me is happy that we are getting to a place where mental health is talked about on the regular. The only problem I have is that a lot of us are accepting our diagnosis for life. We are accepting that this is life and nothing we do can change it . That’s a lie.

I just saw a commercial for another pill that helps with the side effects of antidepressants. Please explain to me how given someone with suicide thoughts an antidepressant that may increase suicide thoughts is of any help? And on top of that we have the audacity to create another pill that helps decrease the suicidal thoughts. So not only are you super depressed but now you’re taking 2 pills that are taking a toll on your body and covering up your symptoms.

All I know is that antidepressants are not the answer. If you’ve lost hope and you don’t want to the work because it just seems like A LOT , I understand. I get it . It takes a lot to come out of a dark place. You need to put in the work. Get up after falling and try again.

As a woman of God I can’t give the credit to medicine at all. Not only because I feel like most, if not , ALL of our issues are heart and soul issues. Jesus often talked about confession ( therapy/ safe groups) . Jesus often talked about community ( Church/friends/accountability). Jesus often talked about repentance ( forgiveness, letting go and moving forward).

We are weighed down by life’s problems. We are weighed down by our own choices. We are weighed down by the things people have done to us. We are weighed down by comparison. We are weighed down by poverty and low self esteem. you name it and we are weighed down by it.

I believe that we all can be healed and live a life of freedom. It takes daily work. Daily surrender. It takes time. 3 years into my journey and I’m still healing, forgiving, letting go and as a human on this earth, I continue to get hurt. Whether it’s intentional or unintentional, it happens. Life happens to all of us . We have to make up in our minds that we can overcome by the Blood of Jesus.

If you need to start on medicine , cool. If you need to talk it out , go talk it out. But please understand that you don’t have to live like that forever. Jesus restores , he saves and he redeems . This world cannot add to you. This world can’t heal you. Our jobs can’t heal us. Our money can’t heal us. Our big houses can’t heal us.

You know what heals us, LOVE. We all need to be LOVED. I pray that everyone reading this knows that you are worthy of being loved. I pray for you to have the strength to leave toxic things in your life. I pray you come across Godly, genuine and loving people that don’t want to change anything about you, but love you just as you are ! Because you my friend are worthy of that and more.

I pray for peace, joy and love to flood your life. I pray morning comes now. I pray for heaviness to fall off and for your joy to shine through.

Yes, you may have been through some things but that’s not who you are, it’s just what you’ve been through. Don’t label yourself. Take the labels others have put on you and throw them out . You are a Kings kid and we are called to live prosperous lives. Our souls need rest. Our soul will prosper. Surrender. ❤️🙏