I know first hand how easy it is to lose yourself. It’s so easy to get caught up with life that we totally forget to take care of ourselves. I’ve been on a journey of transformation. A journey of getting rid of all the bad in my life and trusting God on everything. It’s been one heck of a journey. I can honestly say that I am super proud of my progress! How did I even get this far?! GOD.
At one point I wanted to kill myself. Drinking day in and day out just to realize that it made everything worse. Dating random men thinking that they would some how “fix” me. It was a never ending cycle that I loved and hated at the same time. I loved it because it was the only thing that gave me temporary satisfaction. I hated it because as each day passed, my soul was getting darker and darker.
I knew I had a choice. I knew that if I didn’t make a choice then, my life would never change. I was so scared. Fear paralyzed me. Alcohol and men were the center of my life , how can I possibly live without the only 2 things that I depended on to keep me going!? I can’t give them up. God , you’re crazy. I need my liquor and I need my men. I don’t know how you will do this but you will have to take these desires out of my heart and change them to whatever it is you want me to desire because I cannot do this on my own.
God was listening.
I knew the first step in taking care of myself was getting sober. I knew that once I did that, everything else would fall into place. I’ve been sober for 9 months now. Being that I have an addictive personality, getting sober was very important. I was always an all or nothing type of person, No in between. That can be a good thing or a bad thing. For me, it was a bad thing, BUT… I’m sure God will use this personality of mine for his glory. I have to be careful with who and what I allow in my life, any little thing can set me off. This is who I am and I know how my brain works. It’s very important to identify your triggers. Ask yourself a couple questions:
What makes me stop taking care of myself?
Why do I get lazy?
Why do I stop caring?
For me, I always felt like no one cared. So when I feel like people don’t care, I don’t care. When no one validates me, I feel worthless. I feel like no one notices me so why am I even doing this? These are things I struggled with. Do I still struggle at times? Of course. Do I struggle with them as much as before? No.
See, God is doing something in me. I don’t have everything figured out yet, I’m still working on taking better care of myself. For so many years, my focus was always on helping and fixing everyone else that I never got the chance to know myself. This is a journey that I’m truly appreciating more and more as the days pass.
I am not my past. I am not the hurt I’ve been through. I’m not a failure. I am not the rejection I’ve experienced.
I’m the daughter of the Most High God and I will blossom into something AMAZING.
Taking care of yourself takes work. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Do the best you can and trust God through the process. Most importantly, take it ONE DAY AT A TIME.
WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.