Another Childless Christmas.

Another Christmas. No baby. No husband .

One of the hardest times for me is always around Christmas. It never really hits me until the holidays. It never really hits me how bad I want to be a mother until now.

Yeah, I think about it through out the year and most times, I’m excited, and I say things like,

“I can’t wait to be a mom!”

Deep down within me I know I’m going to be a mom. But when? When is it going to be my turn?

I always want to be excited for new mothers and new wives , but, I would be lying if I said that I didn’t ask God questions. Questions like…

When is it going to be my turn?

Isn’t your will for me to have kids?

Don’t you want me to be married?

Don’t you want me to have a family?

Why is it taking so long?

I don’t know if I can wait any longer.

This hurts, God.

Times like this is when my faith gets tested. I desire to see my baby’s face in the morning on Christmas Day. I desire to sit in the living room with my family wearing matching pajamas and watching Christmas movies. I desire to have a family. i desire to bake cookies and go see Christmas lights. I desire the joy that comes from having my own family.

Yes, I’m not alone. I have family. But , having your own family is different. Your husband , your kids, your home, your traditions , your vacations, your dinners, everything is immersed with the family you built with your husband.

I always seem to get impatient around this time. I never thought that I would be 31 and STILL not have any children. It scares me sometimes like what if I don’t? What if it’s too late? What if I never meet the one? What if it doesn’t happen? What if I can’t get pregnant? what if my PCOS really doesn’t allow me to?

Can I live with that? I’m sure I’ll live, but, a part of me might always feel empty. Like the scriptures says …. a barren womb is never satisfied.

Lord, help me understand.

Give us peace this holiday season. πŸ’œ

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13 thoughts on “Another Childless Christmas.

  1. Reblogged this on Beutiflee and commented:
    This is a heartfelt and honest post. I can give the best encouragement to others, but I too struggle internally. I am being honest, this time of the year, Christmas is rough. I catch myself feeling a sad weight on my heart. I’d asked God, β€œHave you forgotten me?” But the Bible says, He knows the numbers on our hair. He knows exactly where we are in life. God knows exactly what my heart desires. God has placed those desires in my heart because He is the only one to fulfill it. God I know your plans for me are for good and not for evil. Do you will bring the blessings to my doorsteps. May this post serve to remind you that you are not alone. I am here for you as well. God bless! β™₯️

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I am in the same boat. In my 30s, desiring a family of my own. It definitely hits me harder during Christmas and as New Years approaches. Thank you for sharing this. I’m praying alongside you. At times it’s like, β€œGod why have you forsaken me.” Then a God speaks to me, reminding me I am not forgotten. Walk by faith and not by sight, isn’t easy because all around me is marriages, children, and my womb and heart yearn for that blessing. I’ve seen God move in other ways in my life. I know God has not forgotten the desires He’s places in our heart. It’s out there because He is the only one to fulfill it. Trust God is coming right Now with our Boaz and will plant children in our womb. God is writing the best love story for us! God bless you my sister! Merry Christmas! πŸ€— hugs

    Liked by 2 people

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