What is the plan? God’s will.
This morning, I woke up with a heavy heart. It’s Sunday, my favorite day of the week , why am I feeling like this? I get ready for church, get in the car and Danny Gokey’s song , “ Tell your heart to beat again” , is playing. I immediately burst into tears. That’s when it hit me, I never truly forgave him. I know it’s over. I know we will never be , but , at that moment in my car , ANGER consumed me. I was mad all over again. How could I let this happen? Why did I ignore the signs? Why didn’t I stay away? How did I allow a man to get in the way of my recovery causing me to relapse? The heartache was bad enough, but, I think the shame and the regret pierced my heart a little deeper.
Today, I went to the altar. I felt something inside of me breaking. Forgive, Forgive, Forgive.. is what I kept hearing over and over again while the woman was praying over me. Tears streaming down my face uncontrollably.. I knew I had to forgive. I know that I can’t go on to do what God has called me to do while holding unforgiveness and anger in my heart. At that very moment, I released it all to God.
“I can’t deal with this pain anymore Lord. Take this burden off of me and open up my heart to forgive him so I can be set free, truly set free.”
Instantly, God gave me peace. Instantly, I stopped crying and knew that God was going to work it all out for my good. The hate I had towards my ex just went away. I know that this forgiveness is for me to move on. It has absolutely nothing to do with him, and, everything to do with me. I want to be set free. I want to do what God called me to do . I want to impact the world and tell people about Jesus . I want to live in God’s overwhelming peace. I understand that we live in a fallen world, constantly surrounded by chaos, but freedom is attainable in Christ. I know that I will love a wonderful man one day but for now.. I have to focus on falling in love with my Heavenly Father.
As I was walking out of church today, 2 more lovely ladies prayed for me. It amazes me who God puts in your path to uplift you and tell you that everything will be okay. God is so good . Today, I felt the love of God all over me. I know that sometimes I am way too hard on myself , but today.. I had to be vulnerable. I had to say that I wasn’t okay. I had to let the tears fall. I had to do one of the hardest things that human beings have to do.. forgive.
People hurt us for all different reasons. I don’t think we will ever truly understand why people do what they do. One thing is for sure, you aren’t truly living until you’ve forgiven everyone that has hurt you. The burden of unforgiveness weighs you down. You may not talk about it , but it’s there. It’s affecting you in one way or another. Forgiveness. The one thing we know we have to do , but, the one thing we hate doing.
When you forgive , you are truly set free.