It’s no secret that I struggle with food. All I crave is sugar, carbs, sugar, and more carbs. Am I really in recovery when I am binging on food? 8 months into sobriety and I am very proud of myself for doing this sobriety thing all over again. Is it hard? absolutely! Is it even worth it? I know it’s worth it deep down. I was never a moderation type of girl. Everything I do is to an excess. I know that’s my personality, that’s who I am. One thing that I am doing a lot more of is not feeling sorry for myself. I don’t feel bad for being in recovery. I don’t feel bad for binging. Do I have bad habits? yes. Can I take charge of some things a lot better? Absolutely.
I am very proud of myself for taking responsibility for my life. I understand that everything I do in life is a process. Recovery is a process. Dealing with PCOS is a process. Getting to the point where I will not binge on food is a process. Everything I do is a process. I’m tired of being so hard on myself. I’m tired of thinking of myself as a failure because I decide to drink the soda. I’m tired of calling myself fat. I’m tired of letting other people control my mood. I’m just flat out tired of all the BS that I deal with in recovery.
I always tell people one thing, if you can recover from any substance abuse issues and heal , you can do ANYTHING. I don’t care what anyone else has to say to me or about me at this point. I understand that I am in a process. Changes don’t happen overnight and I am okay with that. I got sober, lost weight, relapsed, gained the weight, had a horrible relationship, and , got sober AGAIN. 2014 until now has been one huge process. Will I get my sugar and food cravings under control? I know I will. Recovering from alcohol, depression, bipolar, anger, is one hell of a ride. I will get to the food issue, I just have to make sure my mind is okay. My mental state has been up and down since I can remember. My mental health is a lot more important right now.
We cannot get away from food. Food is everywhere. Don’t be so hard on yourself for eating that cake. Don’t call yourself fat. Don’t call yourself ugly. Don’t call yourself a failure. We are all a work in progress. Appreciate the process. You will get to where you want to be, one day at a time. YOU ARE THE BEST JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!
I’m in the process of just being me. Accepting myself for who I am and not being so hard on myself. At times I feel like I need to be perfect to gain peoples approval of me. F that! I don’t need anyone’s approval. My whole life no one ever believed in me, I was always told I would never be anything but a failure. The same ones that hurt me are the same ones I’m trying to prove myself to. I’m OVER it. Life is hard enough. I’m at a point where I don’t even care. I will continue my recovery and I will kick sugar to the curb when the time is right. I am not giving up on myself because I know getting healthy is also a part of recovery.
If you are in recovery, trust the process. We are all in this together. All I ever did in life was give up. I am tired of giving up, I want to see what happens when I don’t. It’s true that you must take things one day at a time. If you want to keep your sanity, take things a day at a time and learn to enjoy the process. You got this.