Social anxiety. 

The weather is getting nice in Jersey which means a lot of things are going on. The only problem is that I think I really want to go to these events until it’s time to go to them. One of my high school friends is moving to another state and she’s having her going away party today, it started at 3pm and I haven’t even showered yet. Tomorrow I have a family cookout to go to and I don’t want to go. I have no idea how to explain to people that I don’t want to be around them. I want to get out the house and do things but I get very anxious around everybody. This is hard for me being that I have been very social my whole life. Alcohol was a major part of my life but before I started drinking I was popular in school and I always hung out with a lot of people. Now, it’s hard. I have nothing in common with most people and it gets very awkward when I have nothing to talk to people about. When I was intoxicated all the time I didn’t care about being around people , even the ones I didn’t like, because, alcohol makes everyone tolerable. Now, I can’t stand being around a lot of people. Is that bad? I have no idea. 

I’m almost 7 months sober and I thought it would be better by now. This is hard for me. The summer reminds me of liquor and parties . I want to go out and be around people but then I feel very awkward. The hardest thing about this all is that I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it that will understand me. That’s the hard part. With mostly everything that has to do with me, I don’t really have anyone to talk to. When I do try to talk to certain people I feel rejected because they don’t understand me or even try to understand me. Making me feel  like I’m over reacting in absolutely everything which causes me to just not speak about a thing.

 I’m having a rough day today. I woke up feeling so alone. Well, the last few days I have been feeling like that. This is hard. Staying sober is hard. If I had a drink right now, all this anxiety would go away and I would enjoy this whole weekend. Why can’t I enjoy it sober? I swear if it’s not one thing, it’s another. Why can’t I drink like a normal person? I keep telling myself, this too shall pass, but honestly, I don’t even feel like fighting anymore. 

Lord, give me strength. 

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14 thoughts on “Social anxiety. 

  1. I understand what it’s like to experience social anxiety. One of the things I had to do was find a new group of friends especially after I got over the “party phase” of my life. I know sometimes it’s hard to find new people to hang out with but still try being around people even if it includes going to a museum or a beach by yourself. You never know who you might meet🙂

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  2. This is exactly like me, I find I have nothing to say to anyone. I look at all these people around me drinking without a care in the world, drinking as much as they want and functioning normally. I’m not jealous, I just don’t understand why I’m the only one unable to drink because I have little or no control. I love your writing and I think that you’re doing amazing. Keep strong. xx

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  3. I felt exactly the same way when I got sober the first time around, I hadn’t realised how much of my time was spent drinking and associating with people that sober, I probably wouldn’t have. There’s a big hole of time that drinking took up and if it’s not filled with something else it can lead to feeling lonely and lost. I signed up to a gym and art classes… I didn’t REALLY want to do it but it gave me something to look forward to and do other than waste time drinking . Don’t force yourself to do anything or be with anyone you don’t want to… you come first. It’s an adjustment to believe we are worthy of coming first but you are! Self care is really important. You are not alone in this x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words ! Self care is what I really need to start working on , I know that will make me feel a lot better about myself. I have so much free time and because I have nothing else to do I feel very lonely at times . I definitely have to get into something

      Like

  4. Have you seen a therapist.
    If you read my posts you can see my anxiety struggles.
    I take cipralex every day. I really think without it I would struggle to deal with life.
    Anxiety is just so tiring.
    I take magnesium and gaba and practice yoga and eat well. But there is is.

    Have you considered medication? It is another option.
    Otherwise just say no. Forget explaining yourself. Do best you need to be comfortable.
    Anne

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I definitely know the paradox of feeling alone but not being able to stomach being around people. That is what was so hard about meetings for me. I wish I had the solution for either of us. All I can say is that you really aren’t alone in that feeling. Sometimes I just remember how bad it’ll certainly be if I don’t hang on to my sobriety just tonight. Tomorrow is another day.

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