Believe.

I never believed in myself. These past 4 months have been very different, something I have never experienced before. I have never been this spiritually connected to God and I must say that I wouldn’t trade it for nothing in the world. The peace I feel, the contentment I feel is indescribable. I still have bad days , some days I don’t want to face the world but I force myself to. I can’t hide. Life will go on whether I want to or not, so , why not live it while I can. God has opened up my eyes to a lot of things and with that , my mindset has also changed. 
I never believed in myself. I always believed what other people said about me. The 2 most important men in my life verbally abused me at a young age and I never realized how much that affected me until I got sober for the second time. I didn’t know that my relationships were highly affected because of what I went through as a teenager. Emotionally I had so much baggage. Day by day I keep healing. The first 3 months were the toughest. I cried a lot, like, A LOT! In order to heal you have to do two things. Number one, you have to face the truth. Number two, cry, scream, let it alllll out. Trust me you will feel like a huge weight is lifted off your shoulders. Some of us have so much emotional baggage and we don’t even realize it until we start opening up. Healing requires you to be vulnerable, something a lot of us are scared to do. 
I’m at a point in my life where I am starting to believe in myself. I know that my future is going to be bright. I know that this season is preparing me for bigger and greater things. Even though at times I feel alone, I know God is always with me and that’s all that matters. I’m only 29 and I have learned so much about life that sometimes I’m surprised about how much wisdom I actually have. I can’t let this go to waste. I’m excited to start new ventures, I am excited about helping others. I am excited about life !!! I haven’t been this excited about life in a very long time. I’m so grateful. Sometimes , we want to get to the best part of our lives without going through any struggles. As for me, I’m grateful for alllll that I have been through, without my past I wouldn’t be the woman I am today.

I am currently sitting in church waiting for the 2nd service to start and Even though I have all types of emotions running through me right now, I am grateful.
I am grateful because I’m sober. I am grateful because I have a relationship with God. I am grateful because I have been healing. I am grateful because I have enough energy to get out of the house and enjoy life. I am grateful that I am alive today. I am grateful that even though every day is not perfect, God has brought me this far. I don’t cry myself to sleep anymore. I don’t wake up with hangovers. I don’t wake up with regrets. 
I am alive, and for that I have no reason to complain today. 
Day 150.
Blessed and HIGHLY FAVORED. ✝️

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