Selling myself short. 

Alcohol has a way of making us feel good. For most of my adult life I depended on alcohol to get me through life, until, I realized that I was selling myself short. I was basically depending on something that was destroying me from the inside out. When you are always drunk you don’t face the truth. You are constantly chasing the drunkenness so you don’t have to face LIFE. I remember sleeping 14-16 hours a day because I didn’t want to face my life. It was either get drunk or sleep. I was selling myself short that whole time. 

It has been 146 days since my last drink and I have not had sex with anyone. This says a lot. I used to drink a lot which we all know leads to lots of sex as well. I wasn’t having healthy sex though. My sex life was pretty ruthless and I wasn’t responsible at all. This makes me think. That whole time I was giving myself away. Giving myself away to men that didn’t genuinely want me. Giving myself away to men that didn’t see any value in me . Giving myself away to men that only wanted one thing. Giving myself away to men that I knew deep down I would never marry. How did I let myself get to that point? I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I kept getting hurt over and over again. I never thought I was the problem until God opened up my eyes. I wasn’t respecting myself. That’s all it comes down to. I could blame everyone else, but realistically I made my choices. I destroyed myself from the inside out. I did that. No one else. Me . 

Being sober makes me look at things a lot different. I’m valuing myself and I’m respecting myself a lot more than I used to. I can have sex with men if I want to but for what? I know what I want , and , it’s not meaningless sex. My sobriety is my number one priority along with getting closer to God. When you choose sobriety you choose YOU. You choose to put yourself first and do whatever it takes to become the best version of YOU. You stop selling yourself short. 

I am so proud of myself . I am so proud for taking this step. God knows how scared , hurt, shameful, and , guilty I felt before I put the bottle down. God saved me at just the right time. If I would’ve kept drinking I have no idea where I would be right now. 

I’m going to sleep tonight with a grateful heart. I’m going to sleep appreciating life and the growth that’s coming from being sober. All I had to do was take that first step. The first step is usually the hardest. Healing is tough and so is staying sober but if I can get sober I CAN DO ANYTHING. With God of course❤️ 

I’m seeing value in myself that I never saw before. I know who I am and what I am here for. I know what I deserve. I’ve been disrespected and treated like crap most of the life, but, all of that does not define me. I know my God has better for me. I know this will all be worth it . For me and for the people I will impact on my journey. My past does not define me. 

Life is a journey. You keep going . You keep learning. You keep striving. 

One thing you never do is give up. 

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