It’s so easy to tell people to trust God. The hard part is actually trusting him. Do you know how peaceful life would be if we just trusted God with everything? I really appreciate meeting people who do not let anything bother them, that’s true peace. It’s like no matter what happens, trust God. What’s the point of faith if you still worry? It defeats the whole purpose of trusting God. Most of the time we are stressing and worrying about things we cannot control.
My past has been haunting me lately and it is driving me crazy. I must have cried like 3x yesterday. I’ve been praying , hearing sermons, and reading my word , yet, I’m still having a hard time trusting God. The enemy knows where we our weak and that’s exactly where he strikes. I want to be a powerful woman of God and I know I have to go through this. I know that this season is temporary. I know that God is allowing me to go through this season because I was way too attached to so many things and people. I put my trust in sex, alcohol, friends, and men, instead of putting my trust in God. Temporary satisfaction is what has gotten me through the past 11 years.
Now, I’m struggling with trusting God.
The thing about trusting God is that he definitely has a way of reminding you,why you need to trust him, exactly when you are struggling with trusting him. I went to bible study last night and it was so peaceful in that church. They welcomed me with open arms, I shed some tears and opened up, which was great. I had to walk away from my old life, so , I don’t really have any friends. Not many people reach out to you when you’re sober and chasing Christ. It’s okay though. It’s just hard to deal with that at times. It’s hard to go from being around so many people and always having someone to talk to, to having no one. Yeah, God definitely has a way of showing us what we put our trust and faith in.
I was having a moment the last couple of days. Questioning my worth,thinking I’m not able to do what God has called me to do, and just struggling with letting go of my past. The good thing is though that through all these feelings, I still feel peace. I know that God is with me, this is just a process I have to go through. I have to heal. I have to recover. I have to let go. I have to accept. I have to trust God. I have to live for him each and every single day. I have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I have to pick up the cross and follow him every single day.
I know what’s on the other side of my obedience, I just have to keep going. Sometimes, I ask myself if all this is even worth it? Does God really exist? Then, I think about where I am today and it confirms everything for me. Every day God reveals to me something about myself . Whether it’s big or small, he’s always letting me know something . Lately, he’s been telling me to trust him. Trust the process. Don’t give up. I have always gave up before. I’m tired of giving up. I want to see what happens when I don’t give up. Healing is NOT easy. It’s a process. A process that you wish you could skip over but you can’t. Everyone has to go through the process. The process is what transforms you. The process is where all the hard work happens. The process gets ugly at times. The good thing about the process is that it’s preparing you for what’s to come. For better things.
God is good. He’s with me. I am not alone. I have to trust him. In the midst of it all, I’m learning how to trust him. There’s purpose to my pain. Most importantly, this season has purpose as well. I will appreciate and thank God for EVERYTHING, the ups and downs. He is shaping me into something incredible. ❤
Trust the process, even when you don’t want to. God will never fail you.
“For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” – Philippians 4:13
“But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.” – Isaiah 40:31
“So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.” – Galatians 6:9
“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” – Romans 15:13