Dating a Narcissist.

If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

This is my story.

He sent me a message on Facebook and I replied. The first conversation on the phone was so easy. Our words were flowing and everything was great. We were laughing, getting to know each other, laughing some more, and enjoying every minute of it. It was one of those, ” this seems way too good to be true” moments. That whole weekend we spoke from morning to-night,  phone conversations and text messages. If I didn’t call or message him, he would reach out to me. You know those moments when you feel like something is wrong but you just don’t know what? I had one of those moments. It was like God was telling me, “nope, don’t do it Cristal” , the crazy thing is that those words were so real, it was almost like God whispered in my ear and I still ignored it. I remember everything like it was yesterday.

I was 10 months sober at the time and my life was great. I was sober, losing weight, looking good, and feeling even better. When this handsome man wanted to get to know me I didn’t think anything of it. I figured it would either work or it wouldn’t work. I honestly didn’t think it would go pass a few conversations, but, it did. I told him I didn’t think It was a good idea. I wasn’t going to ignore the fact that God told me not to do it, so, I did bring it up to him. He definitely had a way with words. I figured it wasn’t a big deal to just talk to him so I didn’t end it.

We kept getting closer and closer as the days passed. He was  an everyday drinker, I ignored that red flag. At first, he was so amazing, he always wanted to spend time with me, he was all about me. Some days I didn’t even want to go see him, but, he would tell me how much he missed me and how much he wanted to be in my presence, so,  I would go see him. He always convinced me. I figured, “omg he is really into me, how cute!”  SIDENOTE – I always drove to him. He never came to me.  RED FLAG

I started noticing how he was always drinking. He knew about my sobriety and still drank around me. He tried to convince me that he did not have a drinking problem. I realized that was a lie when he started falling asleep on me. SIDENOTE – I ignored that red flag. I noticed that he would not take my feelings into consideration. Everything was about him, nothing about me. I started drinking again.

We shared that one thing, alcohol. We became even closer. Nothing was able to keep us apart. We started spending so much time with each other. After about four months things started to change. He no longer wanted to spend time together. Days would go by and I wouldn’t speak to him. He would tell me things like ” I’m going through some things”, but, never explained. He started treating me like I didn’t matter anymore. He told me I was too clingy. I didn’t let him breathe. All of a sudden I was the problem and he needed space. I would give him space. He still wouldn’t reach out. He reached out to me when he needed money , then he would be nice and spend time with me. He started telling me he was confused, he didn’t know if he was ready for commitment, he didn’t know what he wanted.

It all came down to him playing with my emotions. One minute I was the greatest woman ever, and the next, I wasn’t enough. He always expected me to give him money. The times that I didn’t want to give it to him , he would make me feel bad about it, I would give in and give it to him. He was very manipulative and almost always made me feel bad. He would compare me to other women. He would say things like, “if you did this/that you would look so good.”. I don’t think he ever really gave me compliments, but, he always talked about how good other women looked.

I’m sure you guys are all wondering why I didn’t just leave him alone at this point. It’s not that simple. I invested my time and feelings into this man, I thought he was doing the same. This person that I was now seeing was a totally different person. I was so confused. I had no idea what changed, just like that. Clearly, if it is so easy for you to dispose a human being you are NOT invested in them. He led me to believe that we wanted the same things, I wasn’t assuming that he wanted commitment and a life together. He told me he did. He told me he wanted us to work. I wasn’t crazy.  In that little bit of time that we shared with one another we spent a whole lot of time together. My feelings were invested in this man. I couldn’t leave. I felt like I put so much into this relationship, why leave now. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t want to be with me anymore.

He was so into me, what happened? What changed? What did I do?

He started making me feel like I was the problem. He was telling me that I was too clingy. You can’t just choose when you don’t want to be bothered by somebody. It’s not okay. I’m a human being with feelings. Adults communicate. You don’t just get rid of people because you’re bored. Of course, he was talking to other women. Meanwhile, he still wanted me to be in his life. He told me they were just friends. He was treating me like I was a bother to him and I couldn’t understand why. I was there for him when no one else was. Cristal was the one he can count on, the one he used, the one he manipulated, the one he got rid of. I was so hurt. I lost myself. I practically begged him to be with me. I needed him. I didn’t want to walk away, we were meant for each other. He still left. He still got with someone else. He was not invested. He used me. He played with me. He manipulated me. He left.

Ladies, when you are getting to know a man, pay attention. Do not ignore the red flags. They are really important! What you see is what you get. I knew he had a drinking problem. I knew he was self-centered. I knew he blamed everyone else for how his life turned out. I knew he had a different girlfriend every 8-10 months. He blamed all his ex girlfriends as to why his relationships failed. I knew he was unstable. I knew he was TOXIC.  I was also recovering from depression and alcoholism. He was attracted to me because I had it together, and, he thought that’s what he needed to get better.We were attracted to each other because we both needed each other. I thought I could save him , I  stayed because I thought I was good enough to change him. He knew that once he got me invested he could do whatever he wanted with me and I wouldn’t leave. That is abuse.

The only reason we don’t speak now is because he is blocked on everything. This happened in 2014-2015 . I am now getting back to my self. I blamed myself for everything. I blamed myself because I let him into my life. I blamed myself because I started believing what he was telling me. I thought if I would just lose weight he would want me. I thought that I had to change for him to want me. I thought I was the bad one. He made me feel like it ended because of me. Ladies, don’t let this be you. You don’t recover from mental abuse over night. It stays in your mind, you keep replaying it over and over and over again. You keep thinking what if, what if he changes for the next girl. what if I would have done this instead of this, he would still want me. It is torture, and, it can destroy you forever.

Please, be careful.

Signs Of A Narcissist.

1.They are emotionally abusive

2.They are skilled manipulators.

3.They fail to take responsibility for their behavior.

4.Once you stop feeding their ego they move on.

5.They don’t take your feelings into consideration.

6.Everything is always about them.

 

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7 thoughts on “Dating a Narcissist.

  1. I can relate to this so much. It is only when you can put a label on what they are – i.e. they have a disorder, or a mental illness, that you start to see it wasn’t you. It was them, their personality, their behaviour. You were a good person put in an impossibly awful situation, so forgive yourself for staying, because you were applying your morals to a person that didn’t deserve them x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Your so loyal and caring and super lovable…. Fuck him! I mean shame on him…. Now you know you desireve way better! I’m ah tell you like I told you in the beginning… You are one of a kind! If you want me to I can box him up for you. Just for him waisting a good woman’s time like that! Independent , God loveing women! It don’t get know better than that…. Oh ya! And did I mention I can come up there and box him up for you. I got ya back Crystal! ✌😎✊

    Liked by 1 person

  3. He definitely fits some criteria of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. If he is truly narcissistic, he is abusive exactly because he feels that he deserves all the attention and gets angry when he does not get it…hell even if he does. They need help…they don’t want it. So my opinion is that blocking him was a good idea.

    Liked by 1 person

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