Within the last couple of days I found out that my ex has a baby on the way. I also found out that he proposed at the baby shower. I don’t know how to feel, I was just speaking to him a couple of months ago. He told me he missed me, he told me he loved me, did he really? The only reason why I don’t speak to him anymore is because I blocked him on social media. It really didn’t matter what type of conversations we had or how many times we said we were done with each other we always found a way back to each other, until I got tired of the bullshit and the lies. Months after I blocked him, 4 months after we last spoke I found out he was having a baby. He’s also engaged. Am I upset because I wish it was me and not someone else? Or did I dodge a bullet?
Deep down I know I dodged a bullet and I always made sure I took responsibility so I wouldn’t get pregnant when I was with him. I knew what type of person he was but yet I expected him to change. As a woman I’m bothered. What if he changes for her? Was I not good enough? I don’t really know what to think. All I know was that I was there for him when he didn’t have shit. I never judged , I never belittled him, I never turned my back on Him, I was always there for him. It still wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough. That’s just how I feel. It hasn’t even been a year and the next girl is already pregnant and ready to be a wife, of course I feel some type of way. Do I feel some type of way because I want to be married and have baby’s or because I want him? I always had hope that he would change, maybe I wasn’t the woman to make him change. Even though I’m hurt right now I really do hope he treats her a lot better than he did me. This is something that I will get over , I will be okay, God got me.
Right now, I’m hurting.
At the end of the day I know this is a win and not a loss for me, I have to accept that.