Am I an alcoholic?

I’ve depended on alcohol for as long as I can remember to get me through life. Recently, I was having a conversation with someone and this was said, “you’re not an alcoholic if you drink every day, how much you drink and how you carry yourself is what determines if you’re an alcoholic.” 

WAIT, WHAT?!!!?

As for me, I totally hate the word alcoholic, when people think about alcoholics they think of the only image they see on tv, an alcoholic that lost everything due to his/her alcohol addiction. People that aren’t educated on alcohol dependency/alcoholism think that alcoholics are people who drink as soon as they wake up and are drunk 24/7 without a pot to piss in. This is a very extreme case of alcoholism, but in a lot of cases this is not the case, most of us work and interact with alcoholics on a regular basis, they just live normal lives.

Are you not labeled as an alcoholic because you have a job and a place to live? 

Are you not labeled an alcoholic because you don’t take shots of vodka when you wake up? 

Are you not labeled an alcoholic because you don’t drink alone?

Seriously, what’s everyone’s definition of an alcoholic?

Alcoholism and alcohol abuse are VERY similar. Even though, most people who abuse alcohol aren’t full blown alcoholics that have already lost control, they still face some of the face issues and triggers.

– feeling an urge to drink 

– stashing alcohol 

– gulping drinks down to get drunk faster

– feeling irritable when alcohol is not present 

– requiring large amounts of alcohol to feel its effect 

The main difference between alcoholism and alcohol abuse is the physical withdrawal symptoms. Either way, you’re still affected physically and psychologically whether you’re a full blown alcoholic or an alcohol abuser.

There is a very thin line between the two.

Am I not an alcoholic because I don’t get wasted every single day?

For example, I drink almost every day, I don’t get drunk every day. On the weekends, I definitely get drunk. Currently, I have 2 bottles of Bacardi in the house, some beer and one bottle of vodka in my trunk.

  Just in case, you never know when you might need it.

Need it for what??? In case I get stranded somewhere and absolutely need alcohol to function? Absolutely! This is how my brain works. I need to have alcohol to feel safe. I need alcohol in my presence just in case something happens that I can’t handle. Alcohol is my safe haven. When alcohol is present I feel good, I can handle anything. I’ve been a binge drinker since my teen years, I tried moderate drinking , I tried taking breaks from it, it doesn’t work, I always go back to binge drinking. I’ve never been a slow drinker,

I DRINK TO GET DRUNK!

I see absolutely no reason in drinking just to have a drink. What’s the point in drinking if you’re not getting drunk? This is a habit. A bad habit. A habit that has landed me in the hospital on numerous of occasions, I’ve woken up shaking and trembling, I’ve woken up just to throw up and go back to sleep, I’ve spent weekends recovering. This doesn’t happen every single week but it has happened. Now, I stay home and get drunk or I’ll go out to a bar and drink my usual “rum and coke”,  which often leads to regretful text messages in the morning.

I love to drink.

I love the feeling.

I hate the hangovers.

Am I an alcoholic?