Am I an alcoholic?

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I’ve depended on alcohol for as long as I can remember to get me through life. Recently, I was having a conversation with someone and this was said, “you’re not an alcoholic if you drink every day, how much you drink and how you carry yourself is what determines if you’re an alcoholic.” 

WAIT, WHAT?!!!?

As for me, I totally hate the word alcoholic, when people think about alcoholics they think of the only image they see on tv, an alcoholic that lost everything due to his/her alcohol addiction. People that aren’t educated on alcohol dependency/alcoholism think that alcoholics are people who drink as soon as they wake up and are drunk 24/7 without a pot to piss in. This is a very extreme case of alcoholism, but in a lot of cases this is not the case, most of us work and interact with alcoholics on a regular basis, they just live normal lives.

Are you not labeled as an alcoholic because you have a job and a place to live? 

Are you not labeled an alcoholic because you don’t take shots of vodka when you wake up? 

Are you not labeled an alcoholic because you don’t drink alone?

Seriously, what’s everyone’s definition of an alcoholic?

Alcoholism and alcohol abuse are VERY similar. Even though, most people who abuse alcohol aren’t full blown alcoholics that have already lost control, they still face some of the face issues and triggers.

– feeling an urge to drink 

– stashing alcohol 

– gulping drinks down to get drunk faster

– feeling irritable when alcohol is not present 

– requiring large amounts of alcohol to feel its effect 

The main difference between alcoholism and alcohol abuse is the physical withdrawal symptoms. Either way, you’re still affected physically and psychologically whether you’re a full blown alcoholic or an alcohol abuser.

There is a very thin line between the two.

Am I not an alcoholic because I don’t get wasted every single day?

For example, I drink almost every day, I don’t get drunk every day. On the weekends, I definitely get drunk. Currently, I have 2 bottles of Bacardi in the house, some beer and one bottle of vodka in my trunk.

  Just in case, you never know when you might need it.

Need it for what??? In case I get stranded somewhere and absolutely need alcohol to function? Absolutely! This is how my brain works. I need to have alcohol to feel safe. I need alcohol in my presence just in case something happens that I can’t handle. Alcohol is my safe haven. When alcohol is present I feel good, I can handle anything. I’ve been a binge drinker since my teen years, I tried moderate drinking , I tried taking breaks from it, it doesn’t work, I always go back to binge drinking. I’ve never been a slow drinker,

I DRINK TO GET DRUNK!

I see absolutely no reason in drinking just to have a drink. What’s the point in drinking if you’re not getting drunk? This is a habit. A bad habit. A habit that has landed me in the hospital on numerous of occasions, I’ve woken up shaking and trembling, I’ve woken up just to throw up and go back to sleep, I’ve spent weekends recovering. This doesn’t happen every single week but it has happened. Now, I stay home and get drunk or I’ll go out to a bar and drink my usual “rum and coke”,  which often leads to regretful text messages in the morning.

I love to drink.

I love the feeling.

I hate the hangovers.

Am I an alcoholic?

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12 thoughts on “Am I an alcoholic?

  1. This touches on a lot of what I’ve been feeling lately. I’m not sure if my drinking is a problem or not. I don’t necessarily drink to get trashed, but I do drink to calm my anxiety and deal with my stress. A little buzz helps that. I have that constant urge to drink and I’m extremely uneasy if I don’t have access to alcohol. It hasn’t ruined my life though, so I guess I’m still struggling with whether or not this is even an issue.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I joined this blog in hopes of sharing my road to sobriety and to also see if anyone else struggles from this. My alcohol abuse wasn’t apparent until about 3 years ago. I am also a binge drinker. I don’t wake up craving alcohol but I have developed “triggers” which are: when I have school work, take work home, when I get really bored, when I start thinking about something sad, when I’m out and drink I always have to drink to get drunk I can never just enjoy a couple and be fine. I have had so many black outs it’s hard to count. My boyfriend has said that I’ll get up in the middle of the night and pee in the closet, in a drawer, in the tub (but surprisingly never in bed). Luckily I have a wonderful boyfriend to work with me on this and my hopes are to achieve complete sobriety. On the surface I seem wholesome. I am in the military, I work out almost every day (even when I’m hungover) I manage to wake up at 415 am to workout but it has hindered any progress. I know if I’m able to defeat this alcohol abuse I can change a lot and knock this terrible habit.

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  3. Good post. I am an alcoholic – I used to hate the thought that I’d be labelled an alcoholic. Once I quit drinking, I stopped caring about that. I realize that I can never drink again and that I will never be able to drink “like normal people” and it doesn’t bother me. For most of my life I was pretty unhappy with who I was and, frankly, I wanted to be someone else (pretty much anyone else). I’m now quite happy with who I am and I am ok with the fact that I can’t surgically remove the alcoholic part of me.

    Thanks again for the thoughtful post. All the best.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I don’t think the label matters very much, what’s important is what the drinking is doing to you. If it’s damaging your health, your relationships, your job, then it seems there could be a problem.
    It’s easy for me, my drinking was at such a level that there was no doubt to those around me that I was an alcoholic (it took me a bit longer to be convinced). I went to AA, and NA, and my life turned around.
    It’s been over 30 years now and I haven’t been tempted to drink since the day I stopped.
    To put it simply, it’s a problem if it’s a problem and if the problem is one you can manage while continuing to drink then fine.
    But in my experience when alcohol, or other drugs, become a problem, it tends to get worse over time.
    Anyway, all the best, whatever you decide to do.
    Take care

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Try finding a new escape in life! Thought it was coincidental that I read this after posting my “outlets” post that I just did. Too young, too beautiful, too everything to struggle with whether or not you are an alcoholic. Try cutting out anything that threatens your well being. You will figure it out ❤️

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. Yes, I am currently working on figuring it all out. 1st day in the gym today and my goal is to make this a healthy habit . Maybe this will help me with my bad habits

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  6. I hate labels too. I always thought if alcohol is interfering in your life in a negative way, like with work and relationships, OR if you are physically dependent on it, you are an alcoholic. I am someone who drinks every night with dinner (I’m a foodie too so we drink a lot of wine in our house) and I find it really hard to give it up, so what does THAT mean? At one point in my life I thought I was an alcoholic and I went to AA for about 7 months. But then I quit because I felt they were too intrusive in my life and it just wasn’t right. So I went on for a long time and didn’t drink and then I did and then I didn’t…but it’s never really ruled my life. Until NOW when I want to lose some bloat and I KNOW it’s from the wine! But I don’t WANT to quit. So yeah, you raise some really good questions. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I attended AA before as well and I hated it for the exact reason. I guess it’s up to us to decide what’s best for us . I know if I stopped drinking i can focus on fixing other parts of my life like saving money and losing weight but I enjoy drinking . I don’t get wasted all the time but I know that alcohol messes with my mind when I sober up and I have no energy to do anything productive . I really just want to be productive and happy . Some people can drink and be productive, I can’t. I’m stuck 😩😩

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I totally hear you and feel you! I actually eat very healthy and otherwise have a healthy life. I just know that my evening cocktails before dinner are causing me problems with bloat and things. I hate the way my face looks lately. Plus, I KNOW we are supposed to treat our bodies as a temple for the soul and I need to do a lot of work in this area!!! ❤

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  7. Interesting post. I lost my mother to alcoholism so I am a little sensitive on the issue. After reading your post, it seems as if you abuse it. You also can be an alcoholic even if you do not get drunk everyday. I think it could be a possibility your dancing the lines of alcoholism but again I am no doctor. My advice, get an opinion from your doctor.

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