Stop asking me when I’m having children.

“Your clock is ticking.”

“Why would you want to wait any longer, you’re almost 30.”

“You need to have a child already.”

“What are you waiting for?”

“You need to settle down and have kids.”

Not only is all this frustrating but why does a woman having children define her? Why does a woman HAVE to have children by a certain age? By no means am I saying that I don’t want children , it just hasn’t happened yet. I’m actually pretty glad it hasn’t happened yet, I still haven’t figured this life thing out so having children is the last thing on my mind. There was a point where I was pretty desperate to have a husband and children that it made me overly depressed. I think it was more because everyone around me had the kids and the boyfriend, fiancé, or husband. I just felt left out, like I didn’t fit in. In order for me to fit in I NEEDED to have what everybody else had. I’m glad I got over that. I don’t want to force anything and my happiness is the most important thing right now in my  life. I’m not going to settle and do things just because society makes me feel like something is wrong with me for not being a wife and a mother.

Everyone is always quick to tell you that kids are a blessing and there’s nothing like being a parent but no one ever tells you all the struggles that come with it as well, especially with being a mother. You know what I do see often, tired and unhappy mothers. When I become a mom I want to be a happy mom. As a mom when you are happy your kids are happy, especially at a young age. I see so many kids being brought up in dysfunctional homes, and I just want to prevent that as much as I can.  I might not even be able to protect my child from everything, that alone is scary.

I see parents struggle to pay bills, having to call out of work because of a sick child, struggling to find a babysitter they can actually afford, sacrificing their whole life for their children. Is that what being a parent is? Not fulfilling  your own  goals and dreams because  you’re a mother? I have to stop everything and give my kids the world while I give myself nothing? I speak to so many women that aren’t being true to themselves, women that are just settling at being a mother. Yes, being a mom is great but you deserve to take over the world too and do what makes you happy as well. You deserve to have a spa day, go on vacation and take that trip you always wanted. YOU DESERVE THAT. I don’t want my life to stop because I have children. I want my kids to be happy, to chase their dreams, and to never let anything life throws at them stop them from doing whatever it is that truly makes them happy.

I want to be a mother one day, but please stop asking me about it. Having children doesn’t define me. Why not ask me about my goals and dreams?  Why not ask me about what makes me happy?

 If you were really excited about being a parent you wouldn’t complain about it.  If you really enjoyed being a mother you would be a happy mother,not an angry one.

Stop making me feel like I’m less of a woman because I don’t have kids. Stop making it seem like something is wrong with me because I’m almost 30 and childless. I’m a woman who has been through hell and back and my happiness is the only thing that matters right now. What makes me happy might not make you happy and vice versa. Let’s accept the fact that we are all different and have different life goals.

Most importantly, stop making it seem like women without children are losing at life. This year alone I’ve taken 3 vacations,  met some wonderful people , and the best thing about it all is that I’m finally happy. I’ve battled with depression most of my adult life and I finally feel free. Let me live, let me be happy, and most importantly let me live my life the way I want to, on my terms. NOT YOURS!

I don’t want a perfect life, I want a happy life.


One thought on “Stop asking me when I’m having children.

  1. Nice blog. I’m touching 30 and I feel the same way. I get depressed at times because I feel like I’m lagging behind but then I remind myself that my life isn’t anyone else’s. I have good things going for myself and it doesn’t involve a child. Yes children are a blessing and yes I most definitely want some kids some days but right now that’s not what God has in store for me. You keep doing you, kids will come when the are meant to come for you.

    Liked by 1 person

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